Completely struggling

[Seekparadise]

This year has been the hardest year Ive ever gone through. I broke up with my boyfriend of 2 yrs whom I lived with then moved in with my bestfriend. That relationship is now dead for a whole host of reasons. I had the worst time there & she attacked me about everything. I moved into my own place & felt better.

But then an old ex proposed to his girl.

Then I met someone. He was everything Ive ever wanted. He really liked me, was saying how perfect I was for him, how what we had was what he always wanted, we had plans for me to meet his family & he even mentioned us going travelling together. Then we had some tiffs 'cause I was terrified of him leaving. out of the blue at a party he ended it. he has now cut me out of his life straight away & doesnt speak to me at all.

I work 3 hrs p/w at my paid job then for 3 ½ days Im doing work for the dole. I did get 'promoted' by the CEO & have HEAPS more responsibility. But it's stressful working 2 jobs. I'm not earning enough & I need money. Vodafone is going to cut me off because of unpaid bills & I skipped a day at work & got penalised by centrelink.

A friendship of 10 years is deteriorating yet again. I talk to her about whats happening but she responds with weird things like 'wow sounds stressful!' Or just sends concerned emojis. I have been talking to every person I know TRYING to find someone who can help or understand or kill the loneliness but its really hard because in the end you have to look after yourself. My dad is busy majority of the time. He finds it hard to empathise of know what to say. He takes a spiritual approach to problems & doesnt understand my intensity. My mum is away overseas & can only do so much.

I wake up feeling heavy in the chest & my heart is hurt & sore. I feel strange & messed up & things sometimes feel surreal. I have 2 close friends left. But it's like I meet these fantastic people/guys & their energy is so inspiring & invigorating & falling in love is the greatest feeling. Then they drop me like I'm nothing & I'm back to the world inside my head & I'm not out 'in life.' I'm back to everything draped in blue. I feel like noone gets it. I get flashes of motivation & then they slip away just as quick. I know I need to get better for ME but what is that when there's no one to share it with or anyone who cares? You cant just live for your parents?? Half the time being at other peoples houses makes me feel worse. Like I cant really relax & feel at home. I dont know what to do.

[_NaturalTalent_]

Hey Paradise, Wow sometimes I swear I know some of you people, or ive sleep (walked)written things under aliases lol. Ok so im going to work backwards because your first topics are not as close to my experience as the last.

So, getting out and about. Home is comfortable but I bet you get stuck in thought, upset and just want to go see someone right? You need to harness that and get out, its hard but you need to. Start of with friends houses, and as you go around, just let them know you probably cant stay too long but wanted to see them. while there take a toilet break or 2, just to calm yourself and extend your visit, even if only by 5 mins. Same technique can be used out in public.

Getting better for YOU always needs to be the reason, but who says someone cant help inspire or motivate you to want to get better hey? Often people say don't do it for me or something, but what if its because of them... There IS a difference!

The motivation to do things is similar to getting out of the house. Sometimes you just need to stand up and do something. I know its near impossible but start small, the more often you do it the more you will find yourself willing to do things. Slow & steady its like learning a skill set.

You need to take chances in life hey, unfortunately you will get hurt by people a lot but take my word for it you do come out the other side stronger & smarter. Doesn't mean much right now but you know, 6 months down the track you will probably remember what i've just said and find you ARE different & better off.

Geeze can I relate to the sore heart, you know its big when you can physically feel the pain. The only way to dampen that pain is to find the LEADING (not only) cause and try to cut yourself off from it. With the 10yr Friendship, I would advise not continuing looking for support there, but don't cut them off, take it back to friendship, rebuild the connection and bond, and seriously consider if it is deteriorating or if its just you feeling distant and misunderstood. Parents will do what they think is best, don't refuse your dads support, just don't focus on it.

If your anything like me, your current ex whos just cut you off, is majorly influential in your life, if you really feel you love him and had an important bond, you need to try and explain it all to him.. Fight for what you love, unless you love a fool 😕

Go see a dr if you skip a doll day get a sick certificate. Accept financial aid from your parents if you can.