Young people

fear of failure going into year 11 and 12

replies: 1

Hi everyone, I'm a year 10 student from Queensland. It's the end of term 3 now, so it's approaching the time where we have to pick our senior subjects and make a plan for what we want to do for the next 2 years and how that will contribute to our fut... View more

Hi everyone, I'm a year 10 student from Queensland. It's the end of term 3 now, so it's approaching the time where we have to pick our senior subjects and make a plan for what we want to do for the next 2 years and how that will contribute to our future career plans. 2019 so far has been the worst year of my life. I've been pretty much forced to attend school via distance education (which I like a lot better, so far). Autism and depression make it very hard to get through the day and complete assessment at a mainstream school. For whatever reason, I was managing (barely, lol) at the mainstream school until year 10, when it all came crashing down and I had a big mental health crisis. So basically I'm scared of that happening again and 'ruining' my year 11 and 12 results (aka the results that actually matter, probably). Distance education has been a big help, but I feel the depression creeping up again. I'm scared that I will lose all motivation entirely; not that I have much anyways. It doesn't help that depression has took away what interests and purpose I had in life. This makes it very hard to choose subjects and start mapping out what I might want to do with my career. Sorry this post is long, I kind of just needed to vent.

It's just too much

replies: 2

The last 2 years have been a lot, you know when you feel it snowballing and you just can't get out. I've always struggled with it but life seems to be getting bigger and worse. At 21 years old my mum has just moved back overseas, which has left me fe... View more

The last 2 years have been a lot, you know when you feel it snowballing and you just can't get out. I've always struggled with it but life seems to be getting bigger and worse. At 21 years old my mum has just moved back overseas, which has left me feeling alone. I had to let her go so she could get better for herself, so she could get through her depression after a sexual assault. But it's pushed me into my own depression now, which I can't tell her about or she'll want to come home. I haven't spoken to my dad in years, since she's left i've been revisiting the idea of opening communication back up, but he's hurt me too much, they say forgive and forget but that must run out at some point right? I just feel like an orphan. I'm in a loving relationship which I am so grateful for. He is my rock, the love of my life, but he doesn't always understand which isn't his fault. I've lost my dog this year and have been made redundant from a job I love. I'm unemployed and just left with my thoughts all day long, there's only so much netflix a girl can watch. Lots of good things have also happened the last couple of years too, but there not pushing me through like they usually would. To add onto it all, a couple weeks ago I found out I had an early miscarriage which I didn't think upset me at the time. But since then a close friend has lost her brother, and her loss is making me think of my own. I'm not quiet sure if it's the miscarriage or the idea of losing something that could've potentially made me happy, or just having something else in my life be taken from me. I thought I had been through enough during my childhood, and thought the universe would be kind to me later on, it's now later on and my luck won't change. But I know we make our own luck in this world, I'm hoping each heart break makes me stronger, each tear makes me happier and each loss makes love harder. I hope anyone reading this can understand i'm in a bad place right now, i'm needing to vent, and just wanting someone to listen.

I feel I've lost the steering wheel

replies: 1

I seem to have a terrible procrastination problem, which is badly interfering with my exams/assignments (I am in year 11). I feel that all the life plans I have made for the future are dissolving under my own eyes as I bodge more and more ATAR points... View more

I seem to have a terrible procrastination problem, which is badly interfering with my exams/assignments (I am in year 11). I feel that all the life plans I have made for the future are dissolving under my own eyes as I bodge more and more ATAR points. I constantly catch myself going off task when working, try going back on task to find myself unable, and feel like banging my head on a brick wall. I do not know if my late diagnosis of ADHD (circa. age 11) is the cause of this, or if it's an issue that rooted from being raised in a particular way. I realise that it's wrong to shift the blame on psychologists or parents, but my scientific mindset tells me that all problems have a source, and I can't figure out where this crippling issue came from, how I can fix it or why it's happening. I've never been diagnosed with depression, anxiety or others, so I don't think that's the issue. This issue is stopping me from doing the things I enjoy (gaming, hanging out with friends), as I sit down to try do work but don't actually ever get to it, so I have to come back the next morning to sit down at the same spot, procrastinate more, repeat. I'm sick of not being able to work, and I can almost see my life falling apart in front of me, please help.

Failing TAFE and it's getting me down

replies: 1

Hi, i started a tourism course at tafe back in July and i'm failing everything like i'm pretty much getting unsatisfactory back on every assessment i get, even from when i missed one thing or didn't have the right information for the other. Even peop... View more

Hi, i started a tourism course at tafe back in July and i'm failing everything like i'm pretty much getting unsatisfactory back on every assessment i get, even from when i missed one thing or didn't have the right information for the other. Even people i have made friends with are getting unsatisfactory results and even the smart guy of the class got unsatisfactory on his assessment because he got something wrong! It is that ridiculous! But this is all honestly getting me down. I went to TAFE because i'm struggling to get a job and i wanted to study something that interested me, now i don't feel like doing it anymore. I have spoken to the teacher a few times, saw a counselor at the tafe and disability support services as i'm also having untreated ADHD and which i got medication for today and got medication also for my anxiety/depression. I'm also going to be getting a study plan and tutor and probably will have the course extend for me into next year because there is also too many assessments. But i honestly don't want to keep failing assessments and having to keep re-doing the course. I didn't expect for it to be like this, i didn't expect pay all this money and enroll just to get unsatisfactory marks even on something minor. All i've done these past few years is work a small security job and be at home all day. I hated being at home all day doing nothing but now i feel worse from failing in this course, all i'm glad about is from going to tafe is getting out of the house and meeting new people.

My overwhelming depression

replies: 1

Hi, I'm Grace. and I have clinical depression. I'm writing here because I feel I have nobody to turn to. During my lunch and recess at school I run away from people as far as I can and during class, I sit at the back and I barely talk. I look at so m... View more

Hi, I'm Grace. and I have clinical depression. I'm writing here because I feel I have nobody to turn to. During my lunch and recess at school I run away from people as far as I can and during class, I sit at the back and I barely talk. I look at so many happy people and think "why can't I just be like those people" I cut my hair short because I thought I didn't deserve to be pretty and I think why haven't I gotten rid of myself already and whenever I ask myself I remember the guy I like and how I love trying my best to get him to notice me. Since starting kindergarten but I've been able to hide from almost anybody and cant be found until I want to be found and it's gotten harder for my loved ones to find me anymore. I told at school cause some people to see me and call me dead cause I always look like I've died and I've never smiled at anybody. People look at me like I'm going to kill them and sometimes I wish I had that power to but at the same time, I want to be noticed by others so they can help me. People always say I have to smile more and my teacher gave me something called the 'happy mask' its a mask with a happy face to hide my horrible, dead and depressed face. I look like I've been starved and nobody wants to look at me. I keep my mask on almost every day but as soon as I take it off I go back to look at my horrible self and hope I wish I wasn't like this. I don't understand the term 'broken' or 'unfixable' it's just what people call me, so that's what I tell myself. I've destroyed everything in my path just because I wanted it to be just like me destroyed, unfixable, broken and lifeless. I'm the only person in my family that can stare at horror movies because they relate to me all the villan are misunderstood or just 'broken' "I think of death like a holiday at the beach" that's what I tell myself and that what I believe everyday. Thanks for listening to me and i hope somebody could understand me.

Repressing Emotions

replies: 2

When I was younger, I was physically bullied a lot. I had the mindset that no one would believe me if I told them that a 12 year old was physically attacking a 6 year old, so I pretended everything was fine and forced out a lot of emotions, pretendin... View more

When I was younger, I was physically bullied a lot. I had the mindset that no one would believe me if I told them that a 12 year old was physically attacking a 6 year old, so I pretended everything was fine and forced out a lot of emotions, pretending to be happy. I told people that I had no idea where my bruises, scars and cuts came from, and they just shrugged and said, "ok then". Until one day when I was 9. I was in music, we were sitting in a circle so everyone could see everyone else, and this guy. He physically assaulted me. But what hurt most, was when I decided to tell mum what actually happened. She just chuckled, pegged it on my imagination and showed my (mind you, impressive) bump to her friend. So I started repressing everything. I lost my temper a lot, and didn't like interacting with people, apart from toxic friendships that I forced myself into thinking I would be safer like that. It also didn't help the whole repression thing when mum said I couldn't listen to Lady Gaga music just because she was part of the LGBT community. I'm lesbian, so it made me more scared to share things. Now, I'm pretty messed up. I still get blamed for my temper, and when I told mum the full truth about my bullying problems she yelled at me for "not trying to tell her sooner". I have several anxiety and depressive disorders now, as well as psychotic depression and almost PTSD. I don't think I can officially call it that though. I sometimes act like a psychopath, and all because no one ever believed me. So uhh yeah.

First timer in a crisis! - Anxiety, Depression and working in a toxic environment

replies: 2

First Timer here... I am 23 and was diagnosed with depression and anxiety 9 years ago. It comes in waves but was worse when I was younger, I will be okay for 2 months or so at a time before a breakdown, then I pull myself back up again and continue t... View more

First Timer here... I am 23 and was diagnosed with depression and anxiety 9 years ago. It comes in waves but was worse when I was younger, I will be okay for 2 months or so at a time before a breakdown, then I pull myself back up again and continue the cycle. I have worked since I was 14, finished year 11 and got a diploma in the travel industry that I quickly found that I didn't want to work in (crappy pay & no enjoyment traveling 1+hrs for work). When i was 18-19 I was employed into the local family business (my father never wanted me to work there as it's a toxic environment and ruined the relationship between my parents and grandparents over the years of stress and not to mention everybody has anger issues) 4.5 years later, i work 5 and a half days a week still and I am lost. I spend the days working ( i am great at my job can run the shop on my own for weeks at a time without supervision or help from others, but it is unfulfilling and we deal with aggressive customers constantly... which me a stress-head cannot handle) After work and on my 1 and a half days off all I want to do is relax and do nothing. My dad and I have big arguments, he has thrown chairs at walls within shop hours, screams in my face and hurls pure abuse at the worst of times. But is also the nicest man I have ever met, so giving and pays me generously and gives me days off. After running the store for 3 weeks no issue I had a question about a customer I needed resolved so asked him before work. He clicked it and ended up screaming through the bathroom door calling me useless, that i cant do my job etc when it was no big deal. I broke down sobbing and refused to go to work and have finally had enough as I am sick of being treated this way when all I do is help everyone else out (these arguments over nothing happen every 2 or so months in-line with my breakdowns). Have been hiding at my boyfriends for 4 days and dad has texted me saying he loves me but i wont reply, i am scared of him and i dont want to face confrontation which is inevitable as nothing has been discussed. A co-worker was supposed to take leave next week but now nobody to cover, do i offer to work for the week and pocket some extra cash? I told him I quit that day and I don't know what to do, i have minimal savings which will only cover my spending money for a 4 day trip already planned and payed for in 2 and a half weeks time. I have no interests, career goals, i want to study but don't know what. Any advice? Thanks

What am I going to do with myself?

replies: 8

Two days ago my university results came out and unsurprisingly, there weren't too many good things that came out of them. I'm in first year studying Law and this is only the first semester, so I understand if they might not be the most outstanding. I... View more

Two days ago my university results came out and unsurprisingly, there weren't too many good things that came out of them. I'm in first year studying Law and this is only the first semester, so I understand if they might not be the most outstanding. I barely passed three out of my four subjects, failing one by the slightest of margins. As a result, I have to sit a supplementary exam in a week's time and hearing the news simultaneously made my heart sink and feelings of anxiety reaching an all time high. I have been told many times by my parents about members of our extended family who had to sit them when they were in university, but this didn't do much for me at all. Out of the four subjects that I had to do, this was by far the most challenging and I made quite an effort to study for the real exam as I am for this supp exam. I made a proposition to both of my parents; if I fail this exam, I will have no choice but to defer from my course effective immediately as I do not see myself going anywhere by repeating another semester worth of the same content I hated in the first place. I have hated the university life ever since I stepped foot on the campus, but I can tell deep down that my parents (more-so my Mum) would prefer for me to stay there, even if they're not admitting it outright. I just don't know what I am going to do with myself if I do end up going down this path (which seems increasingly likely at this point in time). I could potentially find some work via Centrelink, but that's about it. I do not have anyone I can consider a friend to hang out with (which is probably for the better imo), I do not have any noteworthy hobbies, and the absolute hole of a city that I live in (Adelaide) has nothing fulfilling to do; everyone is born to die here. As you can tell, I care about my future way too much compared to the average person and fear that I will end up as yet another unproductive member of society, destroying his body with alcohol, and increasingly ready to throw in the towel on his life altogether.

Struggling with final years of school due to depression + anxiety

replies: 3

hi. So last year I had a really bad depressive episode that caused me to miss a lot of school. I ended up getting prescribed medication and I moved schools at the end of the year. I was doing pretty well and enjoying my new school up until a couple m... View more

hi. So last year I had a really bad depressive episode that caused me to miss a lot of school. I ended up getting prescribed medication and I moved schools at the end of the year. I was doing pretty well and enjoying my new school up until a couple months ago. I have a habit of breaking down around autumn/winter, I guess it's kind of seasonal depression. Since May I've been missing a lot of school and overtime I feel myself getting worse and worse as I realise how deep the hole I've dug for myself is now. I am so behind on schoolwork and I don't know how I'll catch up. there's about 3 weeks of term 3 left and then term 4 marks my last term as a year 11 before embarking on my final year. I'm not ready to do my final year of school. In some ways I am- e.g. I can't wait to finish high school, and I'm smart enough to get good grades (it's just that due to my mental health problems my grades are falling). But for the most part I feel unprepared. I've missed so much school last year and this year. I don't think I'll cope next year in year 12, especially when it comes to this time of the year. My parents + school have suggested staying another year at school but I don't want to. I want to graduate at the same time as my friends and I just want to get out of high school. Sometimes I worry how I'll cope in "the real world" if I've struggled this much in high school, but I honestly feel like high school is the thing suffocating me. I see how doing another year of high school could be beneficial but I also can't help but feel like it'll make my mental health worse. I'm just so confused and conflicted because I don't know what to do- I don't want to drop out unless I have something to fall back on. I don't want to repeat a year unless as a last resort. But I also don't want to damage my health anymore than I already have by pushing myself through year 12 when I'm not ready. I think because I'm on meds + having really been in a dark place last year, although I'm struggling right now, I know I've been worse. But I know that i'm heading towards a dangerous place- my anxiety has wrecked my social life and I have serious body image issues now, so it's just a matter of time before those issues spiral into something even bigger + more serious. I don't want it to get to that though and I'm trying to fight it as much as I can. I want to be happy and I want to do well in life. I know I'll get there one day but rn i've hit a roadblock and I don't know how to get around it.

No body likes me and when someone does something stops me

replies: 6

Let’s start from the beginning I moved to a new home in a place I’m not use to and I made friends and this was in year 6 , I’m now in high school, year 7 and also I was in a grade 5/6 classroom and most of my friends are in grade 6 right now and now ... View more

Let’s start from the beginning I moved to a new home in a place I’m not use to and I made friends and this was in year 6 , I’m now in high school, year 7 and also I was in a grade 5/6 classroom and most of my friends are in grade 6 right now and now that I have came into high school with only 2 friends and one of them isn’t really in our friend group now. So now I’m in a class with only 1 friend and I only hanged out with that one friend and I never really tried to make new ones because all the people in the class seem to thing strongly think that they’re cool and have a bunch of power over someone else and only 3 people in that group even somewhat like me as a friend but not enough to hang out with me. I want to hangout with them but at the same time I don’t wanna ditch my other friends because he doesn’t like them and only 2 people like my other friend and the other friend who really isn’t in our friend group got into a scrap with them. I’m at the point where I can’t make friends cause I’m not genuinely funny or someone is stopping me and then my emotions and sympathy stops me. more about me: I consider myself very friendly other then when I first meet someone sometimes I randomly be rude because it was my first time meeting them and to be honest those are never my true feelings so I can be a doosh and I have tried to stop doing that and I am seeing progress. I am not to bad of a judge of character (sometimes) and I’m very good with body language and listening to people and their problems. I can get along with people unless they’re up them selfs or think they’re more cool then someone else. please give some advice

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