I have no friends

T-Fae · ‎08-05-2019

Ever since school finished my old friends all got jobs and started uni and it's hard to hang out with all our conflicting schedules. No one has posted on the group chat in months, and I really tried to make friends at uni but I feel like whenever I'm in public I completely shut down and can't function.

Whenever people try talk to me the most I can do is smile and fake laugh a bit and it's completely ruining my life. I always made friends through my one childhood friend, but now she's doing a different course and we never speak. I've been shy my whole life but since the beginning of the year I've just been freaking out every time I'm near another human. At uni I eat lunch in the bathroom because I can't sit around people without getting scared.

I'm so isolated and lonely, I feel like I have nothing to look forward to and no one cares about me. I can barely sleep at night because I get so frustrated at myself.

How do I stop panicking around people??? Help??

smallwolf · ‎08-05-2019

Hi T_Fae,

welcome to beyond blue.

my son just finished high school and was going to Uni (this year) until he worked out that it was not for him. He does not associate with many of the people from high school but that would mainly be because his interests and their interests were/are different. Between say grade 1 and grade 12, his circles of friends changed based on interests or changing schools etc. After grade 12 you might go to Uni and develop new friendships - this may take you away from your home town as well.

But when you are the shy, creating new friendships can be problematic, especially if you had to move towns or to the city, which is what I had to do. The other difference was that FB etc did not exist when moved to the city to go to Uni so I could not see what my friends were doing. I was/am shy. I don't think that I am as bad now as I used to be. But I could not walk up to a stranger on the street to say hello, unless I was looking for directions. And making changes to ourselves is also difficult but a necessary step.

So what can you do... Here are some suggestions -

have you spoken to a counsellor at Uni about your situation?
do you think that you might be able to join any groups/clubs at Uni?

Recognising your anxieties, and try to relax before-hand , by taking a few deep breaths, being present in the moment, and trying to allow the negative talk in that moment the take hold of you. You could do with an apps on your phone like headspace or smiling minds. I want to to know that you are not alone, and the people here are friendly and supportive.

Tim