Anxiety

[Mouse11]

Hi,

My anxiety is destroying my relationship. We have been together for just over a year and it has been amazing but the last two months there has been a spike in my anxiety and I am literally ruining my relationship without being able to help it.

I just started studying which I think may be triggering a bit of it due to stress. The main trigger that causes me to tip over the edge is that my boyfriend has a best friend - who until about 3 months ago was really nasty to me and my boyfriend never said anything about it - but I am constantly feeling like the second option when it comes to spending time etc...

A couple of months ago I realised that my boyfriend never asks to see me any more so I stopped asking him to hang out and he didn’t ask to see me once. I am just constantly in fear that he prefers to see his friend more than me, which never used to be the case.

i just helped him buy an old car which he is doing up at the moment so he never wants to hang out with me because he is always too busy working on the car, he explained to me that he wants to get it done so then we can go on a holiday with it together. But I heard him say to his dad the other day that he can’t wait to get it done so him and his friend can go on a holiday together - to the same place he told me he would take me.

i was going away last Saturday and I hadn’t seen him in 3 days and he had spent every day that week with his friend. His friend was also going away on Sunday. He is a fisherman so he works every day and starts work early in the morning so we haven’t slept in the same bed together for 3 months. Last Saturday he had his first day off in 3 months, and we had plans to hang out on the Friday, when he told me he had the day off I got really excited because it meant that we would get to sleep in the same bed before I went away, but instead he told me that I would need to go home in half an hour because his friend was coming over for drinks before he went away.

there are many many other examples of what have made me feel anxious and insecure. Whenever I try and speak to him about it he just tells me that I am jealous of his friend. Our relationship never used to be like this, it’s only been since his friend has got out of a relationship. I don’t know whether I am over reacting or if it’s acrtually worth getting upset over, but my anxiety has caused me to get upset and say some things that I have regretted immediately after.

I just don’t know what to do

[quirkywords]

Mouse welcome to the forum. This is a friendly and supportive place.

I can understand how you feel a bit neglected by your boyfriend who seems to spend more time with his mate.

Your boyfriend probably feels he is helping his mate after his relationship broke down. Maybe your boyfriend feels his mate needs him now.

I can see how you would feel your boyfriend prefers spending time with his mate. Of course having a good friend is a healthy thing as long it isn't interfering in your relationship.

It is natural you will be anxious but as you know saying things you regret later will not help.

You have mentioned when you don't see your boyfriend so I am wondering are there times when the two of you are together and things are like they used to be?

I think you would prefer your bf spent more time with you without being jealous of his mat

Thanks for sharing your story.

Quirky

I am wondering do you have friends or a good friend you like to spend time with.?

[Mouse11]

Hi Quirky,

When I do see my boyfriend, he never really wants to do anything anymore as he starts work at 3am every morning so he is tired by the time we hang out. But when he hangs out with his mate they seem to go out and do something every time they hang out. I have brought this up with him and he hasn't really said anything, he basically just ignored my question as he knows that it is true. I find myself constantly asking him to go out and do something and he never does.

When we do spend time together though, although we are often just at home, there have been lots of times where things feel how they used to be.

I don't really have any good friends that I spend time with as I live in a really small town and most girls all have their own cliques and I never got myself involved whilst I was in school as I am not the type of person who likes drama. All the girls that I did get along with and would hang out with have moved away to go to uni.