Anxiety is tough for boyfriend

[Poppy]

I often worry that my beautiful boyfriend who I've been with for over a year who does so much for me will one day stop because dealing with someone with anxiety isn't easy ; I get scared he could have it so much easier even though he adores me. I worry it's unfair on him but he says if you love someone you love every bit of them even the bad bits. I have a dad with bipolar so I know how tough it can be living with a person with a mental health issue. What are other people's partners like with their anxiety ? 

[Zeal]

Hi Poppy,

I used to think having a boyfriend would be difficult for me because of my ongoing, but generally manageable, Obsessive Compulsive Disorder.

I have been with my boyfriend now for over four months (feels like longer though), and he is really understanding of my OCD, and knows that I take an SSRI medication for my serotonin deficiency. He is amazing, and also loves and adores me for who I am.

When your boyfriend says he loves every part of you, he would mean it. Many, many people have personality quirks, habits, or traits which their significant other accepts or needs to accept. For example, some people are incredibly messy, to the extent that living with them in close quarters would be frustrating, particularly for tidy people. Others swear excessively, or speak with a drawl. Some people are loud and demand attention in conversations, and still others spend too much money which threatens their and their partner's financial security. These are just a few examples of people's traits or habits which may frustrate their partner, but that become accepted as one small aspect of the person, which they may or may not improve. I could literally fill pages with examples of "flaws". Everybody has them, even people you wouldn't expect. This doesn't usually make them any less loveable.

Mental health conditions such as anxiety are not something people choose to have. Your anxiety, while frustrating for you and maybe sometimes for your partner, is one small aspect of you and what makes you who you are. If you do things to help with your anxiety, such as see your GP, improve your sleep, go for walks, write down reminders, or whatever else - your boyfriend will be happy to see you are trying to help your situation and are working through the difficulties you face.

I am really open about my anxiety with my boyfriend. I do make sure though that I don't focus on it or talk about it too much. I always ask how he is, and how he is doing. Even though he has never personally had a mental health condition, and has a stable and calm temperament, I still make sure I am there to listen to any worries he may have.

Your anxiety isn't actually unfair on your boyfriend, as it is a condition you didn't choose to live with, but are managing as best you can. Your boyfriend loves you for who you are, with or without your anxiety.

Best wishes,

SM

[Poppy]

Dear SM , 

thankyou so much for the lovely reply ; you write very well and have eased my mind ! It's so true that we each have flaws and quirks. I also never thought of the fact that I didn't chose to have anxiety it just kinda chose me hehe. 

Thankyou for the awesome support ! 

A great reply to wake up to ! 

Poppy  🙂 

[Zeal]

Hi Poppy,

Thank you so much for the positive feedback! This reply was a great message for me to come home to after uni! 🙂

I hope you keep getting help here and from your regular doctor appointments

Best wishes,

SM

[_NaturalTalent_]

Hi Guys,

I have to agree with SM, if he says he loves you and he does his best to understand and accept you, I believe he does. This is coming from the perspective of a guy with an on-again-off-again girlfriend with quite bad issues, sometimes bordering on terrible...

But I love her and after everything that's tried to tear us apart, including actions stemming from those issues, I have clung on for dear life and do my best to remind her of that as often as I can.

Every once in awhile a good guy DOES appear... Remember all this whenever you two have issues...

Anxiety & Depression are often not something we can deal with alone, on top of that it is a very difficult thing for someone on the outside to understand or deal with, even for someone with experience its hard to understand other peoples point of views if you think differently.

So for someone to be willing to put the time & effort into something like that, regardless of relation or relationship, shows a care unlike any others. It may be difficult for him at times, we get caught off guard with women's mood swings all the time as it is lol, biggest piece of advice I can give you is, if you snap and have a petty argument or something tell him asap your sorry and you didn't mean it, do NOT let pride get in the way! Admit it and move on! If you begin to take his understanding for granted it gives off a vibe that you don't care anymore.

 If you think you've had a bit of a rough week and he might be feeling it, pick a night to spend together away from everything and just do something nice, alone, when it feels right, just say something like 'I know its been a tough week, I thought we should have some time alone somewhere to just relax together'

And this is a dude we're talking about so it doesn't have to be anything fancy or even cost money, just something unusual can make us raise our eyebrows 😉

Anyway, rest assured if you think your that much of a problem and hes hanging around, he loves you, cause your probably more of a handful than you think at times 😉 lol

Smile, be happy, and just remember to love him as much as he loves you 🙂