Anxiety/depression affecting my relationship

[blue_fairy]

Hi there,

This is my first post on the forums; I read through a few of them a couple of years ago but haven't been back since. I'm 18 and am halfway through my first semester at uni. I first struggled with anxiety/depression when I was in Year 11, but I only began seeing a psychologist towards the end of Year 12 (last year). I stopped seeing that psychologist because I wasn't getting anywhere with treatment, unfortunately.

My boyfriend was the one who really helped me get through Year 12. We started dating in April last year, and he soon realised that something wasn't quite right in terms of my mental health. He was the one who finally convinced me to see a psychologist, and to even talk to my mum about how I was feeling.

I had my first appointment with a Headspace doctor recently, after I decided I needed to start seeing a specialist again to get some help. Things haven't been going too well recently, what with uni starting and the added pressures that brings. My relationship is also rocky at the moment, with my anxiety and depression taking their toll on not only me, but my boyfriend as well. We've had sex, but I've become too anxious to do any of that now. I'm always worrying that he's going to leave me, because it's too hard to deal with. He's been nothing but amazing this past year, and it's not fair on him that he has to put up with me like this. When I told him the doctor had mentioned medication, he started crying and said that he doesn't care about the sex, he doesn't care about anything except seeing me get better. I'm torn between being incredibly thankful for him, and feeling so guilty for what I've done to him and our relationship.

I'm really struggling right now. If anyone has any suggestions, or even if they've been in a similar position before, your words would be very much appreciated.

Thank you.

[Zeal]

Hi Blue fairy,

Welcome to the forum!

I was diagnosed with OCD (anxiety) at 13, and I've had it now for 10 years. It is more manageable than back then, thankfully. I've taken SSRI medication for several years, which helps with my brain's underproduction of the neurotransmitter serotonin. In Year 12 my anxiety was really bad. The year after, I did 6 months of a uni degree, failing 2 subjects (one I didn't sit the exam for). I was feeling lost and unhappy. I wasn't getting help for my anxiety at this time. In 2012 I enrolled in Bachelor of Arts, but had to withdraw from study when I developed an atypical eating disorder. I was 19 then, and I isolated myself from friends.

In 2013 I did only two subjects, and joined my parents for their extended break in Italy. They hired a house there, and I stayed for two months. As I was only doing one subject and didn't have compulsory tutorials, I could study online. In 2014 I enrolled full-time in Bachelor of Psychological Science, as I had realised that I wanted to help others like me. This is the last year of my psychology study. I have been in a relationship for almost a year with my boyfriend, and he is amazingly understanding, just like yours 🙂

I thought I'd tell you a shortened version of my "story" to let you know that you're definitely not alone. In fact, I think you're doing pretty well. At 18, you still have plenty of time to figure things out, recover and learn. Your boyfriend clearly cares very much about you. Encouraging you to see a psychologist and confide in your Mum was the best thing he could have done in the situation. It's great that you've started seeing a Headspace doctor- I hope that goes well.

The first year is often the hardest for uni students, as it's a major transition from school. Having anxiety and depression on top of that is understandably stressful. It sounds to me as though your boyfriend really wants to keep supporting you throughout your mental illness and recovery. He must love you a lot, and he sounds very willing and prepared to work through this challenging time with you. He's committed, so try to focus on that. He seems mature too. Please don't feel guilty - you have done nothing negative to your boyfriend. He was crying and upset because he loves you and wants you to get better.

It would be great to hear back from you 🙂

Best wishes,

SM