Am I depressed

[Ilovebunnies]

I don't know if I'm depressed or I just want to be. I know this sounds so strange but I have a habit of just wanting to be something & then doing it. I've been watching Skins for like the last 5 days & I don't know if I just want be like Cassie & Effy or if I'm actually depressed. I kind of felt like it before I started watching the show but I've noticed my feelings being aplified lately & I think it could be because the characters are making me realise that I'm depressed or I just want to be like them.

I know I have anxiety & it's getting really bad lately, it's gotten to the point where if I drive at night, when I get home I go back outside like 5 times or more throughout the night to make sure my car headlights are actually off & my car is locked even though I know it is. I've been having a lot of anger problems lately as well, I have a really short fuse, I couldn't figure out how to start a new thread on here & after only like 10 seconds I wanted to throw my phone & I was almost in tears. I've been emotional about everything & I've been having horrible reactions to things. Things that should make me sad do make me sad but I smile & laugh even though I don't want to, like there was a thing on the news about a lady dying & I was so saddened by it yet I was smiling & I know I shouldn't be. It's been happening for like 3 or 4 weeks now. I feel sad all the time & I stress over the smallest things, I am tired even when I sleep 9 or more hours a night, I'm so scared that my life is just going to crumble around me, I've been lying to someone for like a year & if they find out I could get in a lot of trouble & it stresses me out so much but I can't come clean because I don't want to get in trouble. I'm stressed because I have almost no money, I'm always thinking about what could happen if this happened or if something had gone differently, I fixate on things that happened like a year ago or a day ago & try to thing about how I could've changed it.

I've been having these feelings before I watched the show & I don't know if it's depression or not. I don't know if I just want to be depressed because I want to be like a TV show character & because Depression is sadly somewhat glamourised by the media. I know this post may seem all over the place but I don't know how to get my feelings & what I need to say out without word vomit.

[Zeal]

Hi I Love Bunnies,

It sounds as though you are very confused as to why you’re feeling and acting as you are. Since you haven’t been feeling this sadness and depression for very long, you probably don’t have clinical depression. However,
I advise you to go to your GP and discuss how you’ve been feeling lately. You could even print this post to show him/her. Have you been formally diagnosed with anxiety? The checking behaviour you mentioned is a compulsion those suffering from Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) can experience. Your symptoms and behaviours seem varied and not geared toward a specific diagnosis, in my opinion. Seeing your doctor is the best way for you to work through these feelings and understand what’s going on.

I hope you are able to feel more at ease in time.


Best wishes,

SM

[sunlightguardian]

Hi Ilovebunnies,

Thanks for posting. I'm sorry to hear about what you're going through. It sounds like part of the reason contributing to your stress is you not being able to fully grasp your thoughts? If so, it may be helpful to write your thoughts down on paper so you can actually see them and understand them a bit better. 

I think I can relate to you a bit when you say that you like watching the tv show Skins even though it makes you feel depressed. I've realised that humans tend to have this habit of seeking out miserable stuff even though they know it will make them feel upset in the end and sometimes these thoughts will become habit. I have done that before on multiple accounts but somehow got over it in the end. I think it kinda comes down to being able to distinguish between your 'inside' thoughts and the ones influenced by others. (I'm sorry if that didn't really make any sense)

It might also be a good idea for you to talk to someone like close family or friends or even a counsellor because they can be a really great support network. 

Take care,

Steph 

[geoff]

dear Ilovebunnies, I hope that you are still checking your post.

Don't we all wish to be someone who we admire on TV and adhere to their principles, well that's why we always watch their program or movie, however what you have said I agree with SM as it shows that you are suffering from OCD, and there is a post I have just replied to by Bek, where Tony has given many posts to look at.

If by chance you have been lying to this person, could it be that they are asking you why you keep doing these repetitive acts, which is well and truly difficult to answer to, but can I give you an example in what I do, I was taking my little puppie for a walk with an elderly chap and his dog at the park, and I kept on filling in the bull ants hole in the ground with my foot, and he asked me why I kept doing this, so I said that I hate their bite it hurts so much and by filling in the holes I was hoping it would stop them from coming to the surface.

Have a look at that post and would love to hear back from you. Geoff. x