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5 Months of Struggle

Fae
Community Member

I'm only 14 and new here.

Quite a while back in March, i experienced a messy, hot and heavy break up which left me very, very upset. It resulted in almost changing me completely in what seemed like a few weeks. I had become like a recluse, uninterested, and i was very different to my usual bubbly self. 

It's now September, and in August the symptoms of my depression-like heartbreak started fading, but they've suddenly come back now that my ex had started to treat me very poorly. He makes a joke out of me and does anything to hurt my feelings, just to get a laugh from anybody else. The way he treats me brings down my self esteem, and this combined with school troubles is starting to make me feel more depressed. The way my best friend is the complete opposite of me right now, and it jumping for joy 24/7 makes me feel lonelier, and i feel she is taking less interest in me and i'm almost losing interest in being around her.

I feel so incredibly sad all the time, i always want to cry at school and i feel so helpless. I feel lonely but i feel like my problems are so small, but they make me feel so horrible. I am always trying my best to move on from my ex and forget but he has hurt me so bad, and the relationship we had is so hard to forget... I hate myself right now, and i need help. i need guidance... i don't know what to do? How do i feel better?

This is taking over my life, and i'm not myself and i just want to be able to REALLY smile, and make the people around me feel good. I really, really need help.

7 Replies 7

Neil_1
Community Member

Dear Fae

 

I would really like to extend a big warm welcome to you to Beyond Blue and to thank you for coming here and providing your post.

 

Could I please ask, that during the months where you were feeling ‘ok’, was the ‘ex’ elsewhere and you just weren’t seeing him?   Or in August, was it just then that he started to become really nasty towards you?  And this nastiness that he’s dealing out to you and bringing down your self esteem is kind of a mixture of bullying x immaturity on his behalf.  Is it possible that you can somehow do your best to avoid him – I know it’s probably going to be very difficult for you due to the school environment.

 

With regard to your best friend, it is difficult for both parties when one is feeling so low and out of it;   while the other is the opposite, bubbly and keen and enthusiastic.  But Fae, I can let you know that things WILL get better.  They really will.  You might not think that right now, and that you probably think I’ve got no idea what I’m talking about, but things will smooth out for you.  These things, like most other things in life, just need to take time.

 

Are there other friends who you might be able to mix in with at this time?   I really feel that if you’ve got some other friends, that would be of a huge benefit to you.

 

Also, have you thought about seeking advice from the school counsellor?  This is all done very privately and no-one else need know about this.

 

One last thing – do you have any other siblings at your school?

 

Again, thank you Fae for posting – I do hope that even a little bit of my post to you has helped, just a little – and above all else, I would really love to hear back from you.

 

Neil

Fae
Community Member

I'll start off with answering your first question. At the time where i was feeling 'ok' i was no less exposed to him than usual, i just seemed to have my other issues like school under wraps which made the whole issue seem smaller. And i feel that i should mention me and him have always been a very on and off relationship, even referring to just friendship and this is since last year. So, i guess i could say that since year 7 he'd always sometimes be horrible, and then sometimes be wonderful, but the way he's been acting this year had been on and off since around june or something.

And yes, there are other friends i can be around and in fact i decided to hang out with other people today, which felt really nice! Annnddd, i've talked to the school counselor before, but to be completely honest i didn't feel like they let me talk enough before they gave me advice, and i feel like they don't really know the whole situation being a student and having to see 'him' everyday, especially when he's really rude.

Thank you so much for you reply, knowing that someone is listening and knows how to help me feels so good, and i really think i'm ready to move on and pick up my things. i have one question too, how should i be feeling about having phases all the time? i mean, my mood is constantly changing... one minute i'm optimistic and positive next minute i feel like i've hit rock bottom and i felt i should mention this.

But seriously, thanks a heap! i cannot explain how good it feels when someone listens, and this has really just helped a lot.

Sea-n-sky
Community Member

Hi Fae,

"Chin up" princess, Neil is right - it will pass.

It took great courage to come to this forum - that's guts, which your ex seems to currently lack.

What is really important here at this time, I ask you ?

Well I reckon it's the following:-

1. He is your ex.

2. Keep it that way, at least for the foreseeable future.

3. Recognise that when something is no good in your life - ditch it or bin it and waste no time in doing so.

 What I find is most tragic is that at 14 years of age, the truth of the matter is that you quite simply should not be facing such complications in your life. Something is seriously wrong somewhere, and it is not of your making, nor indeed, I suspect, of his. You are all victims of something which ain't good at all.

The big consolation, is you've come to this forum and I do hope you won't run away from it. There are people here who really do care, and can be of help to you.

I am a bit too old and far removed from your generation to be included amongst them, but I am sufficiently "switched on" to know that in coming here, you've really done the right thing, and providing you don't run away, it will get better for sure.

Meanwhile continue to foster those other friends in the real world, make new ones, broaden your friendship horizons, and life will become "magic" yet again.

Another tip, if I may. Work on your personality, make it bright, bubbly and colourful because that's what everyone likes. School is important of course, (as you know) but "personality" equally so.

Be happy, be happy, be happy.

It really is important that you are.

Concentrate on the things that make you that way and " bin " the stuff that doesn't.

You are only young once, so make the most of it, whilst you can.

Age arrives too quickly, so it does.

That's something you won't fully appreciate until it arrives - and then you look back and realise you were young  but just a short time ago.

However that's still far in the distance for you, at this time, so be sure to keep it that way, for as long as you possibly can.

Bye.

Sea-n-sky

 

 

Neil_1
Community Member

Hi there Fae

Hey, great to hear back from you and thank you for your latest response.

Ahhh, those 'on again - off again' kinds of relationships can really be difficult to deal with;  as you know doubt are no very much aware.  It's like it's going so awesome at one stage and then the next, it's not good - and for the most part, you're wondering just where you stand on the whole situation.

I'm sorry to hear of your session with the school counsellor wasn't as what you had hoped and that they would have given you more time to express yourself.  I hope though that they were able to provide you with some "ok" advice at the end of that.

I'm really pleased to hear that you've been able to hang with some other friends of late - this I think is the best way to go - kind of immerse yourself with others (if that's really you - meaning here that if that's how you like to be - as in around and with others.  Alternatively, if you prefer to have some alone time, then do your best to seek that out as well.  I guess it's really up to you, for how you want to be.)  Wow, I know what I wanted to say there - I just hope it didn't come out all jumbled.

Ok Fae, with regard to phases and you say you are having them all the time.   Moods constantly changing, up and then down.  I'm taking this is not just when you're at school either.  Being totally honest, I think a lot of that could well be linked to your age and that your body is starting to change and so you'll get these up surges at times, but also followed by some down times as well.

But hey, I'm no Doc, so it's something worth monitoring - as you say that it happens an awful lot.

Maybe there's another member of this site who's reading this who might be able to have their own thoughts on this matter??

Above all else Fae, just keep being you - you sound a very well adjusted and intelligent young lady and someone who is very switched on.  Also remember that this site is here and its open all the time - and to come back as often as you want.

Having said that I'm not wishing for you to leave now - and if you've got further questions or comments, even about what I've just written, I'd love to hear them.

Thanx again

Neil

 

Fae
Community Member

Yeah, i guess things have always been a bit tricky since i started high school, but i know that i will definitely come out of this more than alive because i have before!

I have to say, sometimes i'm really surprised that i get so sad.. but really, my only real issue is my feelings over my ex. He really destroyed me.. and it sounds weird coming from a 14 year old to be so attached to somebody in this kind of way but i knew from quite a young age that 'love' was a really big aspect of my life, and i have to mention.. i grew up in a very loveable household, though it was without my father who split up with my mum when i was 2, but my mum and her family have always been big cuddlers and always filled me and my twin sister up with more than enough love. I also want to mention that when i was grade 6 i fell in love.. and trust me that i am not using the term 'in love' incorrectly i mean, i still truly adored that boy up to the start of this year, when i only truly got over him.

I mean, i have to say that i have it really good at school when i'm happy and bubbly.. and usually that's in the warm months because the cold really brings my mood down. I have a lot of friends, and i have a lot of admirers and i'm generally a really likeable and good person, and i'm not afraid to admit that because if i didn't that wouldn't do me any good? Plus, what's the harm in admitting that i have some really good qualities?

You have really excited me for the future and seeing the world around me pick up as i do. Thankyou for your words of wisdom yet again.. I swear every time i take action it helps me so much and i am so glad that i can come here when i need to talk. But yeah, i know that things are going to get better, and especially next year now that i get to choose my own classes, so i know i'll enjoy school a bit more. i will never let myself get to such a state again, but if i just happen to, i know how to deal with it now! 

Thank you so, so, so, so, so much!!

Fae 🙂

geoff
Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni

dear Fae, I would also like to welcome to this site, as it takes a great deal of courage, especially at your age to be able to do this, so well done.

The replies from Neil and Sea-in-sky have been great as usual, and feel as though you have trusted friends here on this site, and you sure do.

What this chap has done to you is never any good for self confidence and your self esteem, and as you do grow older there will be plenty of times where somebody will either break your heart, or annoy you, but we never seem to be able to cope with this, as it's always traumatic.

So all of this means that you always have to have a backup of friends or perhaps family who will be able to give you support, and this goes hand in hand with them as well, because there will be times when they are having the similar problems.

To answer your question that your moods changes from having a good time to feeling low is what happens with adolescents, and it's because your hormones are continually changing, they haven't settled down, and won't until your are older, it's no different than when you look at a flower bub, it starts from nothing and then slowly grows until it's fully matured and then it opens right out.

It can't experience the feeling of being open when it's just a stem, so it can't presume what it will look like when it opens, and us the humans are exactly the same, it takes time to mature, so this is what will eventually happen to all adolescents.

I do hope that you can stay in touch with us and there maybe some other concerns that you would to talk about. Geoff.

White_Rose
Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni

Dear Fae

Hello. I've just seen this post so I thought I would chip in. I agree with all the comments the guys have made above. At 14, try to forget individual romance and concentrate on enjoying life.  Plenty of time later to fall in love.  I have two daughters who did not meet their husbands until they were in their 30s. And they were very content with their lives.

The girls traveled, went to uni, had heaps of friends and went out to all sorts of places, many I'm sure that they did not tell their mother.  The point being that they enjoyed life and this is what I wish for you.

You mentioned that you always feel sad when the weather is cold. I wonder if you have Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD). It's a type of depression that makes an appearance in cold weather, due I understand, to the lack of sunlight on your body. Sunlight has an immense impact on depression. No sunlight = depression.

Have a think about this and try to see if there is a pattern here and if so would you please see your GP. I suspect the cure is as simple as taking vitamin D tablets in the winter. At any rate your GP can do a simple blood test to find out. If this is the case you could well be back to your old self quite quickly.

Looking forward to your next post.

LING