Xmas 2023 not always a happy time

[Paw Prints]

Hello everyone,

I decided to start this thread as another member couldn't find a place to share how Xmas time felt for her. There are many of us I'm sure for whom the Xmas period is a difficult time & not the jolly time that media & even those about us expect us to find it.

I stopped doing Xmas back in the late 1990s as the family gatherings had become unbearable. I didn't see then & I still don't today why we force ourselves to try to fit into a narrative of happy families/joyful feelings when the truth is so very different for many of us.

I still get made to feel as though I'm some how strange for not "doing Xmas" & for spending the day alone at home. I'm sure I'm not the only one.

So this is a space for those who find the Xmas/New Year period difficult for whatever reason... to vent, share or simply let out whatever feelings this time of year brings up.

Paws

[mmMekitty]

Hello Paws & everyone

Great thread. I hope this will become a place for those who feel estranged & put out by all the Xmas & New Year hype & social/commercial expectation.

I don't see family, either. I have been hoping, possibly because it seems I 'should' have a better relationship with family, so I tried to with my sis, but it's stalling at the lowest level - like we're barely more than acquaintances. & she doesn't do Xmas or New Year, is in fact going for a holiday interstate with her hubby. So, little hopes rekindled that this year might have been different are dashed.

No, I don't know what made me think this year might have been different. I just had a little dream, I guess.

So that can get me down, if I dwell on it & let it.

I don't completely reject Xmas - not some of the yummy food, nor the fun & silly stuff. I look upon it as an excuse to be silly, to unwind a bit, being careful to not permit anyone to pressure me into doing things I don't want, spending money I can't afford to, & most especially not to be embarrassed about the fact I have no religious sensibility whatsoeve - not even the pagan. But I do like some of the symbols. I got my t-shirt with bells on, some yummy food, music, maybe a movie (if I can find one with audio description) or an audiobook or two I know I'll enjoy.

I do feel for those who do want to celebrate, do everything, be with others, but for various reasons, are unable to have the Xmas / New Year they would like. That's why I wanted to go to another community lunch this year. There are people there who also are not close to family or friends, but who want the company, want to feel less alone & isolated. & of-course, there is yummy food. I felt, everyone who came to the lunch was helping both themselves & others.

I don't get my back up & defensive about why I'm not going to be with family or friends for Xmas / New Year anymore. & as i said somewhere else, I think people don't ask so much anymore, maybe because I'm not looking so young anymore, so they are not assuming there are family I surely must be going to visit. I'm glad people don't ask anymore, & then are surprised, then oh, so sympathetic about it, like 'you poor thing'/// yep, glad I don't get that so much anymore.

I'll do things that suit me. I'm not finding exactly everything I want to have or do this year, but, what I have is not bad, pretty good, really, given that I have so much available to choose from. So, some things are too expensive - actually, that's okay, because there is so much more to select from. When I think there are people going hungry every day around the world, how can I complain if I can't afford the salmon or the smoked ham?

For me, the outrageous promotion of how wonderful to be extravagant over Xmas /New Year, while there is anyone going without even a basic meal or clean drinking water, is what's obscene about the whole Xmas/New Year hype.

It's complicated, I guess. I have various feelings about it, not all are comfortable feelings. My discomfort wouldn't necessarily disappear if I could ignore it all & hide myself in my flat until it all goes away for another year. To quote Helen Ready out of context, "I know too much to go back and pretend".

Hugzies

mmMekitty  

[randomxx]

Unfortunately seems to be the case a lot as l get older or say last 6-7yrs,l dunno. l usually feel very weird about it all, crazy.

l dunno , my families huge , it's just too much and they're 3-4hrs away,depends who's house it's at. l don't even know where to begin and no one will even notice if l don't bother anyway.

lf l do go all that way especially if my daughter comes to they'll be happy to see us and me but we'll be half out of it from the crazy drive on a Christmas day and l usually just wonder why l bothered.

lf l don't call anyone through the wk before they won't call me anyway though l usually do try to call just a few l feel closer to but even that's hard bc it's usually been a long time and l'm not crazy about the phone lately either so it's a real effort. Started last wk , finished the last two tonight. l just find it draining as hell and an unnatural effort. This yr l'm thinking why, why can't l just do my thing up here at home and just let it go, they won't even notice anyway.

Well they're mostly all down Melb somewhere so they're still in touch or show up at a Christmas but me this far, if l don't go l never see any of them apart from a few brothers that come to mine here.

One of the sisters l called this yr wants to come up and stay a few day l just think wth, l don't wanna be sharing the house with an older sister a few days at this age, wth for. And hr visit would do me sooo, l'll have to be busy l'm not even close to her anyway and haven't seen her in yrs.

Before married we had beautiful christmas's just our little family staying home the best ones of all we all loved it but as soon as we'd think we better visit this yr , ex's side or my side- it'd just blow it all out of the water. But especially married, kids, your basically obligated to at least turn up for one now and then.

Since all that it's often just my d and me at mine and we cook a feast and have a great day at home bc she hates going down to her mums family and mine are 2hrs further and through the city so it's the last thing we feel like going all that way we'd both rather just stay home and do our thing truth be told.

l just can't work out why in my 50s it even matters . Yeah if we still had mum and dad but now it's only brothers and sister and a lot of them. Do siblings just keep on seeing ea other and rallies till they drop , or what, yaknow.

l'll say one thing , man l envy people with just one or two in their family. You don't know how lucky you are a huge family is just too damn much and even if l was closer surely we wouldn't still be all seeing ea other at these ages anyway yaknow.

Scuse the rant.

rx

[blondguy]

Hey Paws

Thankyou for the great thread topic! Christmas can be a difficult time of year for many of us. The 'family' gatherings were also a unbearable time for myself as well. Too much friction and static for me...

That aside, I think that Christmas is a special and magical time for children. Its some of the local councils and corporate entities that are virtue signaling by not celebrating Christmas due to chronic political correctness.

I was fortunate having a white Christmas when I was a kid in Ontario Canada. They were wonderful times. Now is different 50 years later. I will be spending Christmas solo again. I hear you loud and clear Paws

Nice 1 Paws!....my kindest always 

Paul

[Moonstruck]

Thank you Paws for starting this up.  I wrote an answer straight away a couple of days ago but it hasn't appeared. What did I say I wonder?  So it's not much use now...today is Xmas Eve and I would have liked to put some views on your thread before tomorrow....Bad luck Moon S.

anyway thanks for thinking of me and starting this thread.  I appreciate it and wonder what happened to my post????    Try to survive tomorrow....I might...just....I will be with some people I don't particularly like, another I feel obliged to be with and give transport to (elderly, needs me) but there is nothing that I will enjoy, nor the people I want to be with....( who are doing the same, what they feel obliged to do, expected to do with people they don't particularly like or have anything in common with...see what I mean?)

[Ggrand]

Hello Paws, and everyone,…..🎄🤗..

Christmas for me again this year, will be me and my fur girls, I wanted to volunteer on Christmas Day but not much happening around the town closest to me in a volunteer role…maybe next Christmas 🤗…

I agree and like what you said Paul, about Christmas being a special and magical time for children…unfortunately so many children go without Christmas gifts, which is really sad…my children missed out on Christmas, gifts and family time….(I’ll not go into that here)….Christmas just wasn’t allowed in our family…..I am so happy that my children (all grown up) give their children, my grandchildren a wonderful Christmas…wish I could be a part of that though….

I was a part of handing out Christmas gifts to struggling families this year, the look on some of the younger children’s faces was priceless…even though they pre loved toys, they are now once again being loved by their new young owners….I am pleased I was a part of that, so heartwarming to see…

Tomorrow is Christmas Day, one day a year, that hopefully brings families and friends together to celebrate the love and care they have for each other…and of cause the real reason Christmas Day exists….

Merry Christmas everyone, from my house to your house, I wish you peace, joy and love…

Grandy..🎄🎅🏻🙏💜🤗🤗.

[randomxx]

Yeah , that's it it's beautiful when there's kids and for the kids. we always made fun christmas's back when and they love it. Ex always loved Christmas herself to back when and so that rubbed off and l started enjoying them myself too , weirdly now though since our marriage she despises them these days my d said.

l still enjoy the time now myself though , like that few wk period right through as long as l'm not going down to melb.

love the yr finish holiday summer feel about it, day itself not fussed though but if d's coming love that we cook up a feast and have a beautiful day but if l'm gonna be solo it's a whatever really.

On those days l often have a little chuckle to myself seein the neighbour here with 20 cars out front and knowing all the families and couples everywhere out there will be all stressen out and dreading it- exactly what it's not suppose to be- kinda ironic really isn;t it eh, the things we do well, people do.

And l think to myself , ahhhhh, this is the life not a worry in the world.

[blondguy]

Hey Everyone

Hello Grandy...as you mentioned...without getting in to any details. I am sorry for what you (and any wee ones have had to go through) have experienced where Christmas is concerned. That is awful.

It never ends..my mum is 93...lives at home and loves Christmas. My sister is the main 'carer' and just firmly told me that she wont let mum watch Carols by Candlelight as there are some evil messages hidden in the carols! Oh Boy! I dont have the energy to even start correcting that one Grandy.

I hear you loud and clear Grandy. Love your volunteer work here by the way

Happy Christmas ❤️ and some (((bearhugs)))

Paul 

[mmMekitty]

Hello & Merry Xmas everyone, warm hugzies for all.

I think, perhaps my family had too much of the commercial Xmas, the tree, lights, decorations, prezzies, food, food, food, way too much of that. I remember, when very young, the carollers going door to door - that doesn't happen anymore. I remember the snow, too, how magical it really seemed to make the whole world seem, at least from my little child's perspective.

But we didn't see the homeless people, the hungry & poorly dressed people, much less the people who had nothing at all. Sure there were scenes in movies, some ads asking for donations, but being on tv, they weren't really real... I didn't know families like the one Grandy had existed, where Xmas was denied to the children.

We were told to be thankful & grateful for what we were given, but I'm sorry to say, I don't remember ever feeling those people were real. 

Dear Grandy, you've such a good heart. Thinking of you distributing the toys to the children, it seems to me, you could be giving your younger self one of those toys. I think this volunteer work is a wonderful gift you are giving to yourself - this could be something to help you heal from that past sorrow & pain. What you are giving those children, something you didn't get, is so kind & loving, it brings tears to my eyes.

Hugzies, to everyone, furbabies, too.

mmMekitty

[mmMekitty]

HI Moon,

There'd been a bit of a problem around BB with posts not getting posted or showing up after a more than usual delay, but I think it's okay again... I hope.

I'd suggest if anyone has problems of this type, we best report them to modsupport, so they could get onto it & sort it out.

As for me, I have occasionally forgot to click the big 'Reply' button - & then wondered why my post didn't turn up.

Yes, these expectations - I've really been scratching my head about them. 

I'm glad someone takes the elderly person to enjoy Xmas, but does it have to be you?  It's a generous thing to do, if it's something you are wanting to do, rather than if you feel obliged to do. Feeling obliged, you may well feel resentment about doing it. ..towards whom? If you can think, this is a gift I can give to this elderly person, to take them to the Xmas event, help them to have a good time, & take them home again, maybe that way, it doesn't have to feel so much like something you have to do but something you want to do.

This doesn't have anything to do with anyone else - it's just about you & the elderly person.

For the rest of the event, you could be as a spectator, observing everything without feeling much involved. Or, you could jump right in & begin singing any Xmas song that's playing, go around greeting everyone, yes, putting on a smile, if you must, as they say, 'fake it until you make it' ? Play along a little, & I hope you find yourself enjoying yourself.

*

Eek, I just noticed the time! It's Xmas Day, as I am typing, & about to post!

Merry Xmas everyone!

Hugzies

mmMekitty