Why deal with it?

[Adnil]

I'm a newbie to Beyond Blue. Well I've looked before but never had the courage to share.

At the moment I am hurting and it's because my life reads like a soap opera.

Ive suffered from depression since I was 9, so that's 50 years. I've sought help in the past but it usually ended up with me being told or left feeling that I was selfish for feeling the way that I do. I've also had it held and used against me which leaves me afraid to open up to anyone again.

Ive had a few "life events", less than ideal childhood, a 16 year emotionally sbusive marriage ect. But one, 24 years ago, has come back to me in a way I never expected.

24 years ago my partner sexually assaulted my 12 year old daughter. 6 months later I gave birth to our son who had major disabilities.

At the time when I tried to talk to "experts", they set the agenda, told me I was selfish for having my own feelings instead of just being concerned for my daughter. Ultimately it was used against me. So I gave up.

I got on with life, and felt that I had become a strong independent person. I even dealt with cancer on my own

Now the unbelievable has happened and I have the chance of a relationship again. Whilst my head has gotten on with life my body has physically decided that it hasn't

I've seen my GP and he said it's PTSD related and he's out of his depth. So he's sending me to a specialist for the physical side. But I can't get in for 6 weeks, even privately. I know it's selfish, it's not life and death, but I want to deal with it NOW not live with it for 6 weeks feeling as I do I cried yesterday, the first time since it all happened

I'm an intelligent human being, I've already done the reading. I can start treating the physical but the root cause is usually traumatic issues that have not been dealt with. So I probably need to find a counselllor/ psych/ psychiatrist as well because deep down I know that's true. But I'm also glad that he hasn't sent me to one because how can you find someone who cares? Who has the time to listen to the whole complicated story AND trust them to not use it against you. How can you fit all that pain into a dozen mental health plan sessions? When you are rural as well it's not easy and everyone knows / is related to everyone. I don't suppose there is a way to find a counsellor who can Skype or something?? I don't suppose that there is anyone that even cares.... I want the chance to be whole again but it really would be easier to bury it like I have done for solong.

[jawoot]

Thanks for sharing, sounds like some really tough things to deal with but it's so great you're willing to give it another go. You can definitely find someone who cares about your situation, just got to find the right person for you! I've had some great success and a really caring psychologist luckily.

I know there are online options - I can't vouch for how good they are as I haven't used one myself. I think there is one called Talkspace which is meant to be good? But if you google online psychologists you should find something, maybe take a look at some reviews as well. It's all about who the therapist is in my opinion. I'm sure you'll find someone who can help 🙂

[BballJ]

Hi Adnil,

Firstly, welcome to the forums. Well done for posting and you should be proud that you did as it is a big step to speak about all of what you have been through.

You have been through so much and can see you have overcome so many adversities in your life. I just feel earlier in your life when you tried to deal with it, mental health help was no where near what it is today and the responses you got while very wrong were a sign of the times, I would like to think they are no where near that and the fact your doctor said it may be PTSD related is completely understandable, the fact they also said it is out of their depth and referred you again is a good thing because it shows they do care and do not want to give the wrong advice. I do think speaking to a psychologist may help and I do know that you feel it may be a waste of time but as I have said, the treatment for mental health has come a long way and it is so spoken about these days that the stigma is somewhat gone from it. There are many great psychologist out there who do care about what you have to say, it just may take a little time to find one you fully click with but at the same time I clicked with the first one I met and prior to going in I was very much against speaking about my feelings. You have so much strength and I can see it in your posts and you have dealt with so much but you are right to want to fix this and there is no better time than now.

I do not know of any skype psychologist but please remember you can always call the Beyond Blue helpline on 1300 22 4636 24/7 to discuss anything you are feeling.

Please, post back as much as you like, we are always happy to talk.

My best for you,

Jay

[Mathy]

Hi Adnil and welcome 🙂

Firstly, the other posts have been great and helpful. I absolutely understand the need to get things moving. I would take up Jay’s suggestion of the BB. Helpline on 1300 22 4636. I think it should be entirely possible to set up a Skype appointment, and I feel that the BB Helpline might be the quickest way to find yourself a referral. The other avenues I’d try would be the Australian College of Psychiatrists and the Australian Psychologists Association (you’ll have to google the last 2).

I’m guessing that once you find a name, then your GP might need to write a referral, in the case of a Psychiatrist. If you find a psychologist, then in order to get some $$ help from Medicare, you’d need a Mental Health Plan, which requires your GP to write the plan, and then refer you to the psychologist.

How to choose/find one. A referral from a person/organisation that you trust is always a good way to start.

If you get a name, then google can usually give you some info about what they do. I chose my psychiatrist like this, a google search showed that he did work with HIV +ve people in the public system, so I felt he had good values, and chose to see him - worked very well.

As the others have said, this is your place to share, and I’m always happy to talk with you, cheers M 🙂

[Adnil]

Thank you so much Jawoot!

Talkspace seems like a great option, the only issue really is that it's US based not Australian. But then again maybe that's a good thing. The prices are certainly very reasonable.

You are also very courageous. Finding out the background and interests of your therapist is a great idea. Unfortunately or fortunately I left my home state a number of years ago and now live in a really small community. That means options are severely limited unless I want to travel hundreds of kms to see someone

Yes I was running in some ways, but I wanted to start fresh again, away from all the pain of the past. It's worked for the most part. We love our new life and our new way of life, but this has caught me by surprise. My head is in one space but my body obviously hasn't caught up - never thought I would betray myself.

Thank you so much for your support!!!

[geoff]

hello Adnil, all the comments are really good so there is no part me going over them again, but what I want to say is that government have now approved 'telehealth consultations', where you can talk to a counsellor via Skype etc.
I'm not sure everyone would accept this but I would be looking into whether you can find someone who also approves of this.
They are paid for just like the mental health plan, where you can have 10 free consultations.
Let us know how you get on. Geoff.