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ghostgum
Community Member

Hi - I've just joined this forum today after searching for counsellors, boards, forums, etc online.  I've been married for 30 years, our kids are grown, but 2 still live with us.  Simply put, I've had enough.  I've had enough of being left to clean up after them all, of always being asked for help, of being ignored, of always being the peace keeper, of being the 'go between', of always putting myself to the back of the pack. My husband works, but has the attitude of 'home is for resting'.  He won't help out around the home, and wont do the heavy, outside jobs that are just too much for me. He says he will - but he doesn't. I'm tired of waiting around for months for one simple job to be done. I've hired a gardener and sometimes a handyman to get things done, but we don't have much money so I can't do it all the time.   I am very unwell, and I fear that as my illness progresses, I'll have no one to look after me.  They really are all that selfish.  I need to leave, and I need to get the help that I need going forward.  As I'm not working at the moment, where do I start?  How can I leave with no home to go to?  I don't have any other family - parents passed away and there's no one else. I've applied for jobs and I did have a receptionist job temporarily;  but finding work at my age is so difficult! Any suggestions as to where to start?  

5 Replies 5

Mark Z.
Community Champion
Community Champion

Hi ghostgum,

 

I'm so sorry for your challenge.

I can tell that you've contributed so much to your family for such a long period, and your own physical and mental health is ignored, which is absolutely wrong.

 

Do you think there is a possibility that your family, including your husband and adult children actually love you and care about you, they just get used to the way of life that you take care of everything, and think it's normal and ok for you? If they don't understand your needs, do you think you can try to start with an open and honest talk with them, either separately or having a family meeting?

 

Hope everything will be better.

Mark

ghostgum
Community Member

Thankyou Mark.  I have tried to talk to them - and I did have a very frank conversation yesterday.  My daughter gently told me (as many others do), that I'm often 'too nice', which in a way enables the situations, and I probably need to voice my concerns a little louder and more directly.  So yea you may be on the right path with your suggestions.  Christmas is hard - too many friends and family no longer with us.  I'll get through the silly season and re-assess. Thankyou for your reply - really appreciate it.

NDR
Community Member

Hello GG,

 

Firstly, i'm sorry to hear of your situation & that you're not alone. Sounds cliche but i've had a horror year myself,  decided to come on here for support myself. 

 

If anything, I think you've made the best out of a tough situation & are doing all the right things. Those being, 

 

You've accepted your situation and have been upfront / honest to yourself & others, not just about where you're at but also in the direction you want to go. You're also being pro-active by seeking advice & how to address on-going issues. 

 

The one thing you've always got on your side is time, so you'll always get another chance at making things right. 

 

For now, just keep doing what you're doing & never lose hope.

 

Cheers,

 

N.

Mark Z.
Community Champion
Community Champion

Hi ghostgum,

 

Thank you for your feedback. I believe that your family's response shows that they're willing to be open and they want to listen, which is a good sign. Then you can express your feeling, experience, needs and suggestions. Don't hurry, try to have gentle two-way communication and listen to them as well. Give yourself and your family more time.

 

Mark

geoff
Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni

Hello ghostgum, I'm sorry I'm a week late and hope you are still checking for replies.

If a person works full time, sure home is for rest, but there are chores that still need to be carried by all members of the family, because being a house mum is a full time job which means others have to still help out and if they don't then they are lazy.

Anglicare help people in your position and I only mention them because they helped me with counselling and sorting out my life, but for you they also provide places to live on a temporary basis.

They will also help you with Centrelink who will provide the bond money and a couple of weeks rent which you pay back over time.

You deserve the credit you certainly deserve and if others aren't going to help you then moving out may shock them into believing otherwise.

Geoff.

Life Member.