What to do when family members suffer from mental illnesses?

[harrypotterfan]

Hi guys,

My mum has always been clear about her depression, and is fully aware that she suffers from this mentall illness which inhibits her from driving to work (she takes a total of 3 hours commute daily to work). She does irrational things like blaming her sisters for causing her marriage with my dad to no longer be the way it used to be.

I realised recently but my dad is not an affectionate father, which I understand as his father was the same. But I feel like this lack of attention has led to disorganised attachment, and I feel that he often puts his anger on my mum, saying that she is the reason why the family business is suffering, which she then tells me that she is depending on me to help her or else she will face more trouble.

My older brother has decided to drop out of year 12 early this year, and like my mum, he has irrational behaviours. He has ridiculous fits such as blaming the government for purposely failing his hazards test to take his money, or calling people stupid and dumb for small mistakes. He has been diagnosed with anxiety and depression, and has conjured a story for me to tell our family and friends that he is still in high school, when everyone knows the truth. He purposely avoids seeing anyone from his school on the bus by making my mum and him take the bus very early in the morning to avoid running into anyone familiar when they go to work together. He has seen a psychologist twice and has been on medication but not much has changed.

I feel like a combination of my mums irrational behaviour and dads social isolation has made my brother like this, and my parents always blame each other for my brother turning out this way.

They always put pressure on me, saying that I will need to be the one who gets a good atar score and will go to university. I feel so frustrated, as if I'm trapped by my family's issues, and that I cannot do anything I wish as I need to look after my family. I have to be careful with what I say to friends or else they will know that my brother no longer attends high school. I hate lying about this. Sometimes when I go out or stay away from home for camp, I don't miss my family which I find odd.

Are there any coping strategies or advice I could use, to feel less pressure and stress from my family? I feel so trapped, but don't wish talk to someone about it much, just want to know if I'm doing enough (working in the business to keep my parents happy and protecting my brother)? Thank you

[blondguy]

Hi Harrypotterfan

I feel sad that you have to be going through this bad time. You shouldnt have to look after your parents as there are mechanisms in place that can help your mum and dad....as long as they are willing to engage the help that is available to them.

I noticed something you said that isnt any help to your own health or a healthy development....."I feel like a combination of my mums irrational behaviour and dads social isolation has made my brother like this, and my parents always blame each other for my brother turning out this way"

I also feel deeply for your brother too. You mentioned that he has been diagnosed with anxiety and depression....Can I ask if he has been seeking ongoing help? The medication is a good move however its only a platform that we use in conjunction with ongoing therapy to let the medication have a better healing effect.

Your mum is going through a dark phase as well from what you posted. I understand that your mum is stuck...but thats no excuse to move the responsibility to you where the family business is concerned.

I understand that your older brother dropped out of year 12.....The forums respect peoples privacy and we take great pride in being non judgemental too. Its a very safe place where you can post

You have a ton on your plate right now...that you shouldnt have to deal with. As a sufferer of depression I hope that you can see your local GP for a double appointment as your future well being is paramount (and your brother's of course) Its only my opinion as a volunteer. I understand that you dont want to see a counselor or anything and you made that clear....no worries at all.

There are many gentle experienced people on the forums that can be here for you.....no worries at all.

If you could let us know your thoughts on seeing your GP? I am only asking so we can help you more effectively

I think you are an amazing person to be so proactive. If your brother (or yourself) are stuck Beyond Blue have trained counselors available 24/7 on 1300 22 4636. They are also non judgemental and very caring too!

Here is a great link for caring for others with a mental illness.....from Beyond Blue...

www.beyondblue.org.au/the-facts/supporting-someone/supporting-someone-with-depression-or-anxiety

you are not alone here....if you have any questions I hope you feel comfortable asking whatever you wish

My kind thoughts for you and your brother harrypotterfan

Paul

[harrypotterfan]

Hi, thank you so much for your quick reply, it makes me feel reassured.

My brother has had two appointments with a psychologist, and has been seeing our GP to catch up regarding his medication. The psychologist that he has been seeing is very busy, and she is limited on time which is why my brother hasn't seen her much this year.

I will be seeing the same GP next Tuesday to discuss my skin, but I plan to mention to him about the recent pressures I've been feeling.

I will definitely have a read of the link you have included, thank you for your advice and observation of my situation, I'll report back what my GP thinks.

[blondguy]

Thanks harrypotterfan for posting back and with your kind feedback too 🙂

Its a huge bonus to read such a proactive post. Having the ability to consult a GP about our issues is a huge step towards recovery and good on you!

Just a note with your brother......If the wait for a psychologist becomes too distant, there are always social workers that have a great insight where mental health is concerned. The social workers can be booked from most councils/shires and have been a great help to me when my anxiety was chronic back in the 1980's

I wish I had your courage when I was younger as I didnt know the earlier depression/anxiety is treated the better the recovery.

You are amazing

Paul