What does it mean?

[Rigby2000]

Hi everyone,

Honestly I almost don't believe that I deserve or have any right to feel the way I do, I'm so lucky compared to others yet I still find myself going through waves of feeling seriously down. I find myself feeling like a waste of space and useless, I can't seem to find a job and feel barely any motivation at university meaning I'm barely scarping through. I was going to graduate this year but because of my own stupid actions I think I'll have to stay when in reality its the last thing I want.

There are some nights where I just cry for seemingly no reason, I've ignored my friends and don't want to do anything but the next couple days its like it never happened and I feel ok again. I think deep down I'm always down but it comes in waves of strength. Is this normal? what does it mean?

I've had these feelings for a few years now but this is the first time I've spoken out about it. I just want to know if what I'm feeling means something.

[Peppermintbach]

Hi Rigby,

It sounds like you’re having a very rough time, and have been struggling for some time. I feel saddened by your low opinion of yourself. The constant ups and downs in your mood would be so confusing and draining as well...lots of feelings to navigate....

I think job prospects and uni can be inherently stressful. How you’re struggling to find the motivation must be hard...

I think it’s brave that you’ve decided to try reaching out here. Even if you are very lucky in many ways, as you said, that doesn’t grant a person immunity from struggle or difficult emotions. I suppose what I’m trying to express is you’re allowed to not feel your best and you’re allowed to admit that you’re struggling...

My gentle suggestion is, as you are at uni, presumably there must be a free counselling service there? I would suggest looking into that as a good starting point...

It’s lovely to talk to you, and if you feel up to it (no pressure though), please feel free to use this space to write any time to chat, vent, etc.

Kind and caring thoughts,

Pepper

[Rigby2000]

Hi Pepper

Thank you for your kind words they really mean a lot and I think you were right, I believe I do have a low opinion of myself.

I looked into the counselling service which my uni has available yet the idea of going makes me nervous, which feels silly. I worry that I won't know what to say and that what I'm feeling isn't worth the time in the grand scheme of things. I feel that I might get nervous and not convey what I mean properly and is an insignificant problem that would seem like a blip. I know they'd say everyone deserves help but I can't help but worry that I'll psych myself out of doing it when I do think its what I need.

Once again thank you for responding,

Rigby

[Peppermintbach]

Hi Rigby,

Thank you so much for writing again. It’s lovely to hear from you again 🙂

Good on your for exploring the counselling services at your uni. I don’t think that feeling nervous about the prospect of counselling is “silly” as you phrased it. I feel that’s understandable because opening up to a stranger, no matter how well trained and professional, would generally be a very nerve racking experience.

If you’re (understandably) worried about nerves taking over, I wonder if you might like to put it in writing (e.g. write an email to the counselling admin at your uni with a brief explanation of what has been happening and that you would like some help). That way, it would all be “out there” and the counselling service can follow up with you. The ball would then be in their court, so to speak, that way. You would have said your piece, and in theory, they would then reply and offer assistance/an appointment. It’s up to you, but that’s just a little suggestion from me...

Kind and caring thoughts,

Pepper