Welcome to my Anxiety-Depression recovery story

[SoftAsSnow]

Greetings everyone!
I’ve been suffering from depression and anxiety for all of my teenage years and until now (20 years old, studying at uni), self-medicating with alcohol and avoiding getting any help. Some time back, I completely lost control of myself, so I even struggle to picture a couple of months of my life, like you do with dreams from which you only remember a couple of memories. Then, I almost got hospitalised. I’ve been able to talk my way out of it. But it was followed by another couple of foggy months of my life, where I started visiting a psychologist and was finally diagnosed with social anxiety, and depression growing on top of it.
Things got significantly better then. I’ve had my ups and downs. But the downs were not as crippling as they were before. A couple of weeks were truly magnificent, but then it was followed by sort of boredom and emptiness, which I was feeling in most of my good days any way, so I could not complain about it.
One night, one dream, and I woke up feeling broken. Such a familiar sensation. I felt it not that long ago, for some hours of questioning if my recovery was going to last. But the doubt was quickly leaving and letting me enjoy my life again. I felt like I might have actually healed, like all the painful thoughts have left me. But now I know I didn’t, I know I will have to meet them again and again. Almost a week this painful melancholia coexists with me, taking all my energy away. These paragraphs must be the longest I forced myself to concentrate this week.
I got an appointment with a psychologist coming up, almost perfect timing, so, hopefully I will have some advice how to prevent another semester from turning into an academic disaster. And if you got anything, that would be nice. Thanks for attention

[geoff]

Hello SoftAsSnow, a warm welcome to you.

You're not alone when you mention that you self medicate with alcohol, that's exactly what I did when suffering from depression, plus I was hospitalised and talked my way out of being in, I had to be home with my little dog ( not the one showing ).

I don't think anybody can be totally cured of depression/anxiety, but what we can do is learn how to control it and sometimes we aren't strong enough to withhold a relapse, that's not your fault, and are you able to ask your psychologist about any 'trigger points' that maybe cause the reason why this happens.

Hope to hear back from you.

Geoff.

[Peppermintbach]

Hi SoftAsSnow,

It sounds like you have been struggling for some time. A long time, actually...

The way you that you described all those emotional moments almost as blurry fragments was very evocative...I could almost feel your pain, your joy and all the emotions in between...

You have clearly had many ups and downs, and have been through a lot. I would think it must have been a relief (maybe?) when there was diagnosis because suddenly there was a “reason”, so to speak....

At the moment thoug,!there seems to be a lot of emotional turbulence. You sound tired and drained...so I feel it was particularly courageous of you to share those feelings with us.

I hope your upcoming psychologist goes well. As you said, it’s good timing...

If you find writing here helpful, please feel free to write as often as you like. Sometimes sharing thoughts can be a little like releasing our inner tension and turmoil...

Kind and caring thoughts,

Pepper