Anxiety and my relationships are suffering

[Polarbear96]

I am reaching out for support because ive just come back from leave at work and have taken two mental health days already ... there is a problem I keep avoiding. I feel like I’m pushing away everyone. I am 21 and live with my brother who has severe depression (sometimes catatonic) and mother who is very detached from me. I don’t really contact my father because he is absuive and was never involved in my life. I have a really supportive boyfriend but I am terrified to burden him with my feelings of worthlessness and anxiety because he is so normal. I am avoiding his family because he lives in the family home and for a while I lived there, but they are very critical, fixed in their beliefs and intrusive, I am a private person and it makes me anxious to be around them. he begs me to come visit him at home but I feel extremely unwelcome by his parents and brother’s girlfriend. I worry I will say something to offend them if I try to respond to their criticism.

I have been working full time with a second job just to avoid interaction with anyone in the house, his family, and avoid social events. I never see friends because of work and anxiety.

Last night I couldn’t sleep and called in sick for work at 3am. I’m feeling more and more unsafe everyday. I wish I could live with my boyfriend again but he is still studying, so we are waiting to move out when he finishes school... I see strengths in myself and enjoy working and have goals. But I feel like I cannot make lasting relationships and especially find the biggest stress in my life is his family, because I don’t want to hurt him by avoiding them but it drains the life out of me when I see them!!! I think they hate me and my own family as well

[Lovedmum]

Hi Polarbear96, am new here too and just read your post. Wow, you sound like such a strong person, working two jobs, helping with your brother and dealing with anxiety on top of it all! I was about your age when I had severe anxiety, 20 years later I have 3 great kids, hubbie and a degree. Still have that old anxiety now and then but have learnt how to manage it better.

Hang in there, see your GP for some advice on how to tackle it, you won't regret it. You sound like a really fantastic person so don't worry about his family! he loves you so that's all that matters. Get that advice and help though from your GP, there is lots of help out there for severe anxiety.

Take care and read through some of the posts if you start feeling anxious, its helped me. Remember you are not alone and have more courage than most 21 year olds...

sending calming thoughts your way

Lovedmum