Unloading a decade of confusion. Need help choosing next path

[Midguardian]

I'll start with this, being a straight white male I feel an almost disgust at myself for posting this, because there are people out there (Ethnic groups, LGBTQ+ people) who have it worse off then me, I'm playing on easy mode and I'm still failing.

Also apologies if I'm posting in the wrong section.

10 years ago, in my early 20's I was a lazy, mean spirited person who was trying to decide what to do in life, I had a long term girlfriend that I had started to resent, but I feared confrontation so I didn't break up with her. We had a group of friends we hung out with every weekend. (I had lost touch with all my friends from school, they hated her) coming up on being together for 4 or 5 years things got worse for us, and she started hanging out with some real scumbag people (one was a neo nazi). She got pregnant, I found out she was cheating on me for months and all our friends knew about it, so we broke up. I had nobody, no friends, no girlfriend, no money (not working at the time), then the earthquake happened (I lived in Christchurch NZ).

So I packed up my meagre belongings and moved to Australia to be with family.

And I've done nothing since that point.

I lived at my parents for years, racking up debt and getting fat. Now I live with my brother and sister in law in the house they own.

I found out the man I thought was my biological father isn't my biological father (He's still my Dad nothing will change that) but I spent a lot of time researching our family history and to find out I'm not actually a part of it hurt me

I've spent 10 years hiding in a bedroom or working

I have maybe 3 friends, 1 of which is dating my younger sister.

I haven't had a date in over a decade.

I managed to pay off my debt by working long hours in a job I hate

I haven't had a proper holiday since 2005.

My job is boring as hell, But I have no idea what I'd actually want to do as a career, I tried to join the navy and police but failed on both fronts, not that I care I'd hate to be in either of those jobs

I have no hobbies, other then gaming and that hasn't made me happy in years

I'm overweight, but I can't seem to stop eating shitty food and I don't exercise

I drink too much.

I'm always tired even when I sleep many hours

I make grand plans and fail immediately.

I think people assume I'm gay, which I'm pretty sure I'm not (I'm a bit confused about that actually, but that could just be desperation)

I just want a fresh start, I want to pack up and go far away.

[missep123]

Hi Midguardian,

When I was reading your post I was thinking that you are showing a lot of insight. It sounds like you have really been through a lot. You are starting to reflect and I think that is a great first step. Sometimes I feel as though we want to make a change but things are like a big jumbled ball of wool in our head and we don't know where to start. I think it's really good that you have posted on these forums because hopefully by having a chat this ball might start to unravel or clarity may be achieved.

May I ask, have you seen a mental health professional before like a counsellor or psychologist? Having a non-judgemental professional can potentially help kick-start a journey.

How do you feel about volunteering? When I have struggled to figure out where I want to go career-wise, volunteering has helped me to test what I like and don't like about roles or organisations. It can also be very rewarding.

I'm here for you!

[Midguardian]

I've spoken to 2 different psychologists, neither of which really helped me all that much (One didn't seem to believe I even had depression).

I've applied for a couple of volunteer positions, in the coast guard and animal shelters but didn't get far with either of them.

[missep123]

Hi Midguardian,

I'm sorry to hear that you had that kind of experience with the psychologists. Would you ever be open to trying again? Unfortunately from what I've heard it can take a few psychologists/counsellors until you find the 'right fit'.

You mentioned not having any hobbies except for gaming which hasn't made you happy anymore. May I ask why this is the case? Is there anything local to you that you would be open to trying for example local sports teams or art classes? I have a friend who just joined a local baseball team and they were very open and friendly to newcomers.

I'm here for you!