University Stress + Pressure from family.

[Flareshu]

Hello!

I'm currently 22 and ever since I was little I've been wanting to go to university and now I've finally made it. I'm still unemployed and my family are currently paying for me to live out on the campus due to that its 2 hours away from home.

I'm feeling so much pressure to pass everything 1st try due to that I don't want to let anyone down and make them pay more, I already feel horrible for letting them pay for me. Every time I don't get something or get something wrong I start having a break down due to that I feel like I've let everyone down. I've been trying my whole life to get here and it feels like I've made a mistake and want to run away but then I'll just be letting everyone down again. I have never felt like this before and most days I just cry a ton in my room because I don't know what to do or think. I'm trying my hardest to do everything but i'm just not understanding anything and the stress to pass is packaging on.
Everyday I've been checking for the Dynamic study modules (little things to help study) Online and their due dates and the one day I don't check and the dates had changed and i missed the due dates for 5 of them. (they had 5 on the same day). and i feel like an uter failure. All the modules combined are worth 20% of the overall grade out of 100%, there is at least 15 more for this subject (Biology), I know I'm going to try harder for the other modules but I just feel so sick knowing that I could have gotten a grade for it but now I cannot.
I feel like as if I should not be here.

[Zeal]

Hey Flareshu,

Welcome to the forum!

It's great that you've achieved your goal of entering university! Are you in your first year then? What are you studying? It must be tough at times to be two hours' driving distance away from your family. Living on campus would have its benefits though, such as not having to travel in the morning to attend class.

If you don't mind me asking, is feeling bad about the expense of your uni studies a result of your own self-judgement? Or have your parents made it clear that they are paying, and therefore have certain expectations? Feeling guilty about uni performance in relation to the cost of studying is a lot of pressure to take. Talking to your parents about why they are able/willing to pay for your uni studies is important. Try talking to them about the pressure you feel to do well, and that it's making you feel guilty and bad about yourself, which hugely affects your ability to study. Having a conversation about this pressure you feel is important, as it needs to be dealt with emotionally.

It's also important that you are studying for your own benefit, and to focus on why you want to be there and why it's important to YOU. Making your parents and others proud is a bonus, but should not be the goal. I highly recommend that you visit your uni counselling service. You could walk in and ask the receptionist about having a session, or you could ring them to make a booking. This service should be free at most Australian universities. The counsellors are well-trained in dealing with student study issues, including stress and anxiety.

Missing out on these assessment due dates sounds a bit unfair, to be honest. Having the date changed is confusing, and I imagine there would have been other students affected. If this is concerning you, it's best to talk to the uni lecturer or tutor. Calmly explain that the due date change resulted in you not submitting, and that it was really stressful for you. They may have had other students tell them this, and if enough people mention it, the uni staff will hopefully take notice and do something about this.

Do you take time to relax, such as to watch a little TV, have a meal with a friend or play a sport? I'm sure you've heard this said before, but it's important to remember that taking time out for yourself is an important part of being an effective learner. If you don't, you will get "burnt out".

It would be great to hear back from you!

Best wishes,

Zeal

[rustee_nails]

just after i turned 17 my parents paid for night uni but i had a wifee, 2cats , a flat and 2 jobs.

and the uni lost out after only 7 weeks. almost 20 years later when i do rarely speak to ma'

she ALWAYS reminds me what she spent. so wether implied or not. parents who pay for uni have an

inferred idea that you are going to pay back their dividend. i say: " ...things i cant say on this forum",

about parents who lord it over their children wether they succeed ,fail or drop out.

open dialogue can be good if your parents are open to that but mine just tightened the knuckle screws.

sorry this wasn't meant to be dark. what i was trying to say: that it wasn't until years later

when my friends started going to uni and i joined uni culture that i found it to be the funnest

most inclusive group of people i've ever been around and sometimes you have to take a deep

breath and look at it from outside your own head and realize the possibilities. join groups,

go to the uni bar, local gigs, find out what people around you are doing and join them.

all that pressure in your head is imaginary and can be set aside until deadlines.

but right now there are 20'000 watts of bass in a bar somewhere near you,

going off around a bunch of people your age, who study just like you. you just think they

don't because they are smiling but you can smile too. you don't even need a reason.

i try to randomly smile at atleast one person who looks sadder than me when i leave the house.

it's not easy, but usually i just think about uni (not even joking) i'm goin back to uni after the cert i'm doing.

as the son of two doctors it has also always been part of my lifeplan that one day i would get uni education.

[rustee_nails]

good luck in getting your feet wet.

infact good luck in getting into it up to your neck 🙂

peace

[North]

Hi Zeal

I have a son who is about to go to uni, he struggles with high levels of anxiety at others expectation of him. We too live about 2 hours from the campus so he will need to stay on or near there.

Although I will be greatly funding his time there and I hope he will do well his health both mental and physical is the most important thing to me. It is just me as there is not any real financial or emotional support from his dad - but I want him to talk to me.

Have you spoken to you family about the stress levels you are feeling? Maybe just expressing it to them might help,they may not understand how intense the process is for you.

Also Uni's have very helpful programs and assistance - I am sure you are not the first to have this issue but you feel so alone. Hopefully talking to someone who knows your circumstances will help give you some new perspective and techniques to cope.

Please if you can talk to your family - I wish my boy would as I know he is struggling and will not give me anything to help him.

Best of luck with your course and remember to take some time out for yourself to rest. Your body and brain need to switch off every now and then.