Just touching base as it's taken a long time to summon the courage to introduce myself.
My journey through this haze now with hindsight has been the status quo since childhood of course now there is a name to make sense for this turmoil! The big 'D'.
For me my crash had been building for a lifetime. I'm 54 grew up in Australia was married with 3 children living in Northern Europe for 28yrs, had worked hard and achieved recognition in my chosen occupation.
Beautiful family, house on the face of it all perfect.
However my feelings didn't reflect this reality. Always felt distant from everything. I became increasingly withdrawn, resentful etc. A constant inner turmoil the only respite being alcohol or when I was travelling on business and could be by myself and feel the pressure off.
So suppressing all these feelings and focusing on results allowed me to achieve a great deal. However at the expense of my family and it breaks my heart how their experience must have been.
Four years ago I had the crash. It destroyed life as I knew it. Unable to work let alone function I did manag e to get help. It was hard for my family and even harder for me.
I left the family home after 6months to escape the northern winter and came back to australia just to be under a cobalt blue sky and feel the heat of the sun in my bones.
It was the only way I knew to get myself together again.
Leaving was devastating even though I was at rock bottom. It's been a long journey so far and I was foolish to think I was going to sort it out myself.
Since then have built a great support network good GP who diagnosed correctly Pyrolle Disorder which has helped immensely correcting a chemical imbalance. My counsellor is a rock.
It's been insightful and a relief to read others experiences and journey. And has given me solace in that my experiences are no different to others.
As time rolls on the pain lessens, the guilt and feeling of letting down my family is always there. working towards finding inner peace.
thanks
pete
