Too much stress, don’t know what to do

[Jellyfish_02]

I am reaching out as I just can’t get out of a rut and I don’t know what to do.

I am happily married with 2 lovely children. 18 months ago we moved interstate for my work as we wanted a change. The kids have adjusted well and are happy. My husband has not been able to find a full time job, has struggled to make new friends and now has depression. My job pays reasonably well but is very stressful and requires me to travel a lot which I don’t really enjoy as I miss my kids and find it too exhausting. This has also meant that I haven’t made many new friends yet either.

Then six months ago I had a cancer scare. Fortunately they were able to cut it all out so I am considered ‘no evidence of disease ‘ so I guess I should feel grateful it was not worse. But I now have a massive scar, have lost some movement and have chronic pain. Because of the 1 in 3 chance of recurrence, I signed on a clinical trial of drugs that means that I have to travel interstate every month. So more travel on top of my travel for work.

After a long, stressful year I am just exhausted and a bit of a mess. I cry a lot and wish I could be stronger. I wish I had a better quality of life. Today I saw my shrink and she commented that I had made no progress since she started seeing me and I think I agree. She suggested that I need to reassess my priorities and make some changes. I know that I am miserable but I don’t know what to do. I am frustrated with my hubby because he hasn’t found work because I could drop back my hours or maybe quit if he had a job.

I have decided to take some time off to spend with the kids and hubby, hopefully I will get some rest and try to have a bit of fun too. I would like to quit my stressful job but don’t feel like I can because we will go into debt and I don’t want to go backwards. I know some people talk about epiphanies when they get cancer but I am shit scared about it coming back and can’t seem to crawl out of this hole. Any advice?

[Ben_k]

hey there!

Best advice? Go see a GP, then/or get a referral to see a psychiatrist or a psychologist. However from the personal experience of severe anxiety disorders i can tell you this; anxiety ALWAYS LIES. Sometimes distracting yourself from anxiety doesn’t always always work. So you have to face it; i imagine it is an evil spirit and i talk to it as if i am talking to anxiety as a person, where i loudly all the things it has done and how i’ve survived and came out stronger. And last thing, a famous psychologist once said: “always put yourself in a position where you feel ‘afriad,’ because eventually you will not become less ‘afraid ’ overtime. you will be/become more stronger.”

[Nurse_Jenn]

Hi Jellyfish02,

Welcome to the forum. It is so great to see you reaching out for some support. It sounds to me like you have had a really hectic year. Moving, new job, heavy travel, your partner struggling, missing you kids due to work commitments, cancer scare, clinical trial....wow. This really sounds like a lot and it is no wonder you are having a difficult time. Taking in all this new change, readjusting to a new environment and also a new health status (one I assume is still on high alert) would be exhausting. Having a health scare can be really tough to get through and definitely can take some time. Be kind to your self through all these changes.

What is really positive is that you are here and reaching out. This is a great start to getting some help to get you through this 'hard part'. As Ben k. suggested, visiting your GP might be a great first step. Sometimes just telling a health professional that you are not coping well is a relief. A GP can help point you in the right direction for support that is available in your community. As you are travelling a lot, I thought I might also recommend a program called Mindspot. This is a free program for people with low mood and/or worry and is done online and over the phone. You can start by visiting the website and read to see if it sounds right for you. Visit www.mindspot.org.au

Mindspot might be helpful to you as you could do it when you are travelling so it wouldn't take away any more time from your kids and family.

Another option might be to do some counselling for both you and your partner by using something like Relationships Australia. This way you could both get some support and understand each others needs better. I am unsure if your partner would be open to this but sometimes it can be very strengthening as a couple. You can learn more about what Relationships Australia offers by visiting their web page however I believe there is a fee for most services which may not suit your current situation just now.

Whatever the case, you have started your healing journey by reaching out here on the forum. We are here and we are listening. Please let us know how you get on with things.

Wishing you the best possible outcome,

Nurse Jenn

[Birdy77]

Dear Jellyfish 02,

You have so much on your plate at the moment, no wonder you are stressed out.

I am so pleased to hear that you have the support of your psychologist.

You mentioned that hour shrink suggested you take stock of what's going on and reassess your priorities. Maybe during this time-off that you've taken, you might be able to come up woth some strategies for how to make some changes in your life.

It might also give you the opportunity to talk with your husband about things, how you'd like to work less hours, but worried about debt etc. No doubt his difficulty in finding work has contributed to his depression as well, so i understand it might he a difficult topic.

Although it means more travel for you, i was happy to hear you decided to sign up for that clinical trial. My mum did the same thing, and it was only because she was in the trial that they were able to catch a recurrence, so you are in a really good position to keep the big C at bay. I know that doesn't take the worry away, but you really have an advantage there.

Having this break will also hopefully allow you to rest your weary emotions and help you to feel refreshed so you can make some changes. Sounds like the break has come at just the right time, before total burnout.

I hope you take it really easy for a bit.

You are welcome to come back here and talk things through, get things off your chest, or just chat and know that you are amongst people who care.

🌻birdy