The Long Road

[Helvicius]

I'm 66. I am a retired professional. When I was 40 I contracted Ross River Fever, ended up with Chronic Fatigue. My GP told me to get over it! I got a new GP. Then I fractured a vertebrae. We had a 4yr old son & a brand new daughter, a brand new home and interest rates went up every month. Medication didn't help. My poor partner!!! She finally dragged me of to a psychologist who explained my condition. It seems funny but I had no idea I was depressed. I had no idea about anything. I lived in a black hole for over 2 years, don't remember much at all.

The psych gave me simple tools that I use to this day, stand tall, head held high and a bunch of other stuff. With support from the above mentioned and my marvelous boss I "got better".

Over the years I've had 3 nervous breakdowns and a few less serious episodes.

In 2011 I was divorced, had surgery for prostate cancer, changed towns, bought a large house which I share with my beautiful daughter and reinvented myself. The next 4 years were the best of my life. Then the cancer returned, I had radiation therapy which doesn't seem to have worked. That doesn't really concern me by itself. I am a musician with arthritic fingers, I have a herniated disc pressing on my sciatic nerves. For the last 4 years I have enjoyed acting as Treasurer for a large Community Service Organisation but now my mind can't cope. I can't even walk my beautiful dogs.

Injury and depression aside I have been physically, intellectually and politically active all of my adult life. I have much to be grateful for but now I am just tired and apathetic.

[MarkJT]

Helvicius, what a journey you have been on throughout your life. Wow. talk about being tough and resilient.

Well done on coming to the forums and outlining your story. Be mindful that many people will read your story and gain much strength and courage out of it.

When you say your mind cannot cope, are you doing to much? Just wondering if you peeled it back, temporarily dropped doing a couple of things and just concentrated on one thing that is not essential, if that would help you. Essentially lessening the load on your brain.

When I first returned to work after being hospitalised with PTSD, depression and anxiety, i was doing very small jobs until my brain got that little bit stronger and i would take on more work. Thinking the same might be worthwhile a try for yourself.

Interested in your thoughts on this?

Mark.

[White_Rose]

Dear Helvicius

Hello and welcome to Beyond Blue. What an amazing story. And you have survived. I am sorry to read about the divorce. It must have been a shock. But now you are living with your daughter and making a new life for yourself.

I left my husband 17 years ago and made a new life and it was hard work. I fell into the Black Dog's grip a year after my separation which was bad. After I retired I took on voluntary roles in the community. That was great for my mental health and well-being. I resigned after five years and now do voluntary work for another organisation.

In practical terms it means I do a series of small jobs and have less responsibility rather running a largish community service organisation. There is less pressure and if I miss a day everything else does not grind to a halt. This may be a good option for you.

I have not had Ross River Fever although I was tested for this recently. I had polymyalgia several times and I understand the pain you experienced. For me I never knew where it would hit next. And anti-inflammatories and pain relief only make me dopey. So with your RRF and depression life must look quite dismal.

I have also had two bouts of breast cancer but strangely they did not worry me much. It was more an inconvenience. I had radiation treatment the second time. I think getting into the correct position and then getting up again took longer than the radiation. It was also ungainly lying down and getting up again. I will not burden you with the sordid details.

All the hard work has tired you and it's hardly surprising. When your brain give up you become apathetic. The antidote for this is different for everyone, ranging from complete rest to frenzied activity. Neither of these extremes are for you I gather but small tasks can help. A bit like me going back to my exercise class last week after six weeks of polymyalgia and expecting to be able to start where I left off. Not a chance.

So I did baby exercise, at least that's how they felt. After an hour I was completely pooped and felt like sleeping for the rest of the day. But I did them and went home feeling I had achieved something, even if it was only more aches and pains. So can you find small tasks around your home and do one of them? Write a list and put it somewhere conspicuous. Tick each completed task, or cross it out. I know it sounds silly but truly it works, and you will be retraining your brain, your body and your emotions.

Love to know what you think.

Mary

[Helvicius]

Hi Mary,

Thanks for replying. Your experience somewhat parallels that of several of the women in my family. Women are stronger than men. I wish you the very best.

I know I'm not alone and I know there are literally millions of people in the world far worse of than me. I think we all realise that. When I was undergoing radiation treatment I was surprised by how happy and positive the patients were, except for one poor chap. There were jigsaw puzzles and all sorts of stuff to keep one occupied, the staff were fantastic and discussions were open and informative. I sort of miss the place.

I have been working very long hours over the last couple of weeks ploughing through GST regulations as 'we' have just gone over the threshold. After I update the accounting program and sort out the incoming Treasurer that will be it for me. I am an Engineer but I must say I have a very good friend, a CPA who has just taken early retirement because of depression who is braving the storm and helping me. He is a constant inspiration. Then I intend to do much as you suggest.

My daughter practices Muay Thai (kick boxing] & karate. She is a Godsend. I have a Border Collie & a Kelpie that I love to bits, I am determined to give them the attention they deserve. I have a big garden, I try to put in some time every day, often I succeed. I am a singer, jazz & heavy rock, I have a studio, haven't opened the door for weeks. Usually I'd be in there at least 4-5 hours a day, I miss it but couldn't face the effort required. That must change. I love writing, politics, philosophy. There is so much about my life that I haven't been able to face. Of course that creates a destructive cycle.

Once again, thanks so much for replying to my post. I feel humbled.

Chris.

[White_Rose]

Hello Chris

I must give you one of my favourite quotes. Women are like teabags. You never know how strong they are until you put them in hot water. Even so I'm not convinced they are always the stronger partner.

You cannot be accused of resting on your laurels with all the events and activities you are engaged in. I like writing and philosophy, also meditation. My garden is great place for healing but I find working out there in the summer not good. Now it's cold I should be out there more often. In fact I want to re-landscape it. Sounds very grandiose for a 10x10 metre garden. I have big ideas but not all the skills necessary and my ideas are invariably costly. I have decided to make the changes a bit at a time once I have decided what to do.

Depression does all sorts of nasty things to us including being unmotivated. I know that feeling well. Days where I could not get out bed and had to phone the office to say I was sick. Even that took a huge effort. Strangely the one thing I could do was to research my family history. It was fascinating and although it did not get me out of the house, at least I was focussed on something other than my misery.

I have been a member of a book club for many years. The friendships have been great and so have the books, many of which I would never have thought to read on my own. I once got them to read a Terry Pratchett novel. Interestingly the women disliked it but the men enjoyed it. I'm a big fan of Terry Pratchett.

Music is one of my loves. Mostly classical but I love the 60s music which is what I grew up with. Do you write much?

I think I have had cats and dogs in every house I lived in including my childhood home. Sadly I do not have any pets in my present home. I harbour thoughts of getting a retired greyhound. They are not interested in walks which suits me.

If I may suggest, be careful of saying there are people 'out there' with worse problems than me. It's one of the most common comments on this site as far as I can see and does nothing to help. Yes, others do have difficulties and may struggle more than you. They may also have more coping skills. It's different for everyone. Other people's troubles are just that, other people's. Pushing yourself to equal their efforts is counter productive because you do not have their resources. Once you regain your resilience you will find motivation returning.

Mary

[Helvicius]

Hi Mary,

You seem to be able to keep busy. I think physical activity, a garden is perfect, helps alleviate stress. When I think of others worse off than me I tend to think of those innocent souls effected by war, poverty and hunger rather than those with mental health issues. I am lucky to live in a safe and quiet community. There are a couple of retired greyhounds around here, one is being trained as a companion dog. They are very placid animals.

I've been lying low. I've been taking meds for about a week now, no adverse side effects except I need to sleep a lot. My voice has suffered, I've lost nearly half an octave up the high end. My vocal coach insists I have complete rest. Of course I don't, I just sing less taxing songs.

I am the treasurer in a large Lions club and it is officer change over time on Saturday, so that is a big day for me. Then I need to get the books ready for audit and train a new treasurer and his assistant. There is also our annual trivia night in July where we will raise around $10,000. The newbies will help but they can't be expected to cope on there own. Then there are around $30,000 in donations to pay out. After that I'll be free. I have made it clear that I will not take on anymore executive roles,

I have a guest appearance in September, only 2 songs, which I'm looking forward to and a couple of others anytime I feel the urge. It will be good to live life on my own terms.

Best wishes and thanks again for your time.

Chris W.

[Helvicius]

Hi Mark,

Thanks for taking the time to reply. I've been lying low. I've been taking meds for about a week now, no adverse side effects except I need to sleep a lot. ​

Am I doing too much? Yes I am but the end is in sight.

I am the treasurer in a large Lions club and it is officer change over time on Saturday, so that is a big day for me. Then I need to get the books ready for audit and train a new treasurer and his assistant. There is also our annual trivia night in July where we will raise around $10,000. The newbies will help but they can't be expected to cope on there own. Then there are around $30,000 in donations to pay out. After that I'll be free. I have made it clear that I will not take on anymore executive roles.

Chris W.

[White_Rose]

Hello Chris

Well you cannot be said to be resting on your laurels. Such huge jobs which take up huge amounts of time and energy. When you are feeling down everything takes effort. I think organisations often neglect to put succession plans into operations. What happens when a vital member becomes unwell or leaves abruptly. I am a big fan of teaching several others my own job to allow for illness etc. Or as I said above, taking on small roles which can be covered in the event of my absence.

I had not appreciated you are an entertainer. I love to sing but only on my own. It saves traumatising others. I love listening to choirs and Gregorian chants. And of course I cannot go past the Messiah. Resting your voice? I find singing too motivational to give up, so long may your voice ring out.

I hope the meds start behaving soon. It's unfortunate that no one can predict which antidepressant will have side effects. I was taking an AD which was horrendous, yet a work colleague of mine had absolutely no problems with the same AD. Finally I am now taking an AD which works and I can tolerate. Hurrah!

Trivia nights can raise a heap of cash for organisations. There are Trivia nights quite often in my area which I suppose the average take. Still, they are good fun.

Mary

[MarkJT]

Chris, that is very comforting to hear that you are going to take a break and ease the load on yourself and competely understand you wanting to complete your duties first. There is absolutely nothing wrong with putting yourself first when it comes to your health.

Regarding the meds, sounds as if things are going along well. I was tired and fatigued for a while when i first started but that just stopped one day and haven't looked back since.

Best of luck with the change over day and hope that the meds continue to go well.

Mark.

[Helvicius]

Hi Mark,

When I woke up this morning I felt better than I have in ages. I am happy but sceptical. Anyway time will tell. Meanwhile I'm getting on with life, this morning I have already put a load of junk outside for the council clean up.

I am lucky, I have support from my daughter and my closest friends. I imagine that in some levels of society acceptance is rare. In my circle race, religion, sexual orientation, disabilities etc are not an issue. As I say, I am very lucky.

Chris W.