Hi everyone, I’m new here and looking for some peer support or suggestions. Life long anxiety and depression sufferer. 20 years on various meds. Most recent medication for 10 years. Tapered off and stoped 3 months ago. Started again 3 weeks ago to every side effect in the book. Unable to eat or drink for 3 weeks. Only now starting small bits. Spent a day in hospital on iv fluid and anti nausea.
Anyway… It’s also caused havoc with my mental health. Im living in a constant state of anxiety. Right now I am anxious about waking up tomorrow in another panic for a bad day. My depression is also the worst it’s been. To the point of me not wanting to continue like this.
It’s hard to see the point in all this struggle when I’m only ever going to feel like crap. I’m fighting my brain constantly trying to tell it this is only temporary and I will settle and life will get back to normal but it’s so bloody hard and exhausting for me and my family that are trying all they can to help.
I guess I’m just looking for some encouragement and support from others who have been here and some strategies for getting through it. Nothing in my tool kit is working. Thanks all and sorry for the long post! Hoping it helps to get it all out.
Welcome to the forums and thank you for reaching out for support.
I am so sorry you are experiencing such a difficult time, it is difficult enough dealing with anxiety and depression without the side effects of going back on medication on top. It's not surprising you are feeling fed up.
I have been dealing with depression from a very young age, so I understand your difficulty. I don't have the constant anxiety but I have had a couple of episodes over the years.
If it has been 3 weeks already, hopefully the side effects will start to settle soon and if not, perhaps you may need to try a different medication. The fact that you have not been getting enough nourishment during that time has likely contributed to how you are feeing emotionally. I am glad to hear you are starting to be able to eat something again. Are you getting any support from a counsellor at the moment? You are dealing with a lot and I think that would be of help if your known tools are not working for you. I would also recommend reaching out to one of the help lines when things get on top of you, they may be able to offer some different tools. There are also a number of new therapies these days that may be worth a closer look. I could suggest some books and authors if that is something you are interested in.
I am happy to continue this conversation if you feel comfortable and you can also read some of the posts in the Anxiety and Depression sections of the Forums which may give you a few tips. Or you can use the search button at the top of the page.
I am really sorry to hear of what you are going through, I cannot imagine how exhausted you must be feeling. Side effects can have such a significant impact, especially when compounded by poor mental health. Sometimes it is hard to see or remember when you are really in the depths of hopelessness, but things can and do get better. It can be helpful to gently remind yourself that depression is often episodic, even when it doesn't completely disappear, there are often periods where it is less intense and pervasive. I know it is not easy to see this when you are in the thick of it and I have felt similar feelings of 'nothing in my tool kit is working'.
I know you will likely already know this but it may be a helpful reminder - try to avoid isolating yourself, depression can really fester when you withdraw and self-isolate. And when you avoid the things you used to enjoy. Even when nothing brings you pleasure, it can be important to try to continue even just little things that used to make you smile. As you mentioned, getting it all out, whether that's onto a page, handwritten, talking to someone - is so important. Please do not hesitate in reaching out on the forums, we are here to listen.