Struggling and very new to this

[HMelbs]

Hi all, I don’t really know where to start as I have never used any forum like this. I have recently tried the EAP at work and just found it very general and I didn’t feel comfortable being specific as I was aware of time limits and the fact that I only have 3 sessions with them.

im struggling. Big time. Not just because of coronavirus, but for a long time and I didn’t realise it. Lockdown situations made me just focus more on my feelings and my situation where I would have just ignored it before.

I moved into my own place about 8 months ago to get some freedom from housemates and before that a really shitty manipulative relationships. Instead iv found crippling loneliness and a string of short term relationships that hasn’t worked out and made me feel worse. I always rose above it and put myself back out there but now all of its is weighing on my mind. Even lately if a few dates go wrong it just cripples me and the rejection is horrible. Sometimes it goes well and I am the one that doesn’t feel it and the guilt I feel it so bad I just stay. My ex was very manipulative, so I find it really hard to finish things with some one as he was so reliant on me. And when I did leave he told me I wouldn’t meet anyone better than me, and because I haven’t met anyone...I know he’s not right but I can still hear him in my ears.

im trying to keep a good headspace, workout, do meditation. I just over come with this horrible feeling like I’m going to breakdown and I hate it. Iv never had any mental health issues before so this is all very new to me. And I’m never one to speak up really, my friends pushed me to the EAP.

My background; my family are all overseas in Europe..all doing well but I missed my trip home to see them. I have close friends over here which are a good support, they all have partners so i feel like they don’t really understand what I am saying. I will say I didn’t leave the apartment all weekend and they will say oh the same but we got so much done it’s nice to have weekends like that. But in reality, it’s very different from me not leaving my home to them. I can go all weekend without interaction with a human being as least they have a partner to speak with.

I feel like this is really petty stuff, and everyone is low and lonely at this time. I don’t know where to reach out to, it’s not something I’m used too and Iv had some wine and googled mental health support so I guess that says it all.

Any advice welcome,sorry about the rambling post 🙂

[Sophie_M]

Hey HMelbs, thanks for sharing your story here on the Beyond Blue forums. It sounds like you're in a tough situation and we don't think it's petty for you to have these thoughts. Having no one to speak to at home must feel very lonely. We are so glad that you have reached out this evening to our friendly online community. We hope that being part of this community can bring you some comfort and help you to feel a little less alone.

If you feel up to it, we'd recommend reaching out to our Coronavirus Mental Wellbeing Support Service. The website will be regularly updated with information, advice and strategies to help you manage your wellbeing and mental health during this time. You can also call our dedicated support line, staffed by mental health professionals, which is available 24/7 on 1800 512 348.
We hope that you keep checking in to let us know how you're going, whenever you feel up to it. 

[Croix]

Dea HMelbs~

I'd like to join Sophie_M i welcoming you here. I regret the fact that you have not had anyone else come to greet you and talk with you, I'd like to assure you it is not you, and it is not the subject of your post. Unfortunately we have a system that occasionally goes wrong and does not do what we would like.

Sophie's' advice to go to the Coronavirus Service

https://coronavirus.beyondblue.org.au/

Is pretty good as they are used to people feeling the same as you, though I'd imagine for many of them their reasons are different to yours though the effect is much the same.

When you think about it it's not really surprising you feel isolated and unhappy. For a start you have come to a country that is probably very different from what you were used to, and your family is all out of reach -except maybe by video or phone.

That is a huge step and for most people takes a very long time to be acclimatized in the society and comfortable. Even so you have gained friendships, people who have been concerned enough about you to suggest the EAP -even if it was basically a waste of time. They were not to know that and and at least tried.

Now you have moved, and rather than having housemates around most of the time are by yourself -another huge step that will take getting used to for a while too.

You certainly have the strength to try new things, a pretty good way to be in life.

As for you old relationship, sadly it happens, and one can end up with someone who cares more about themselves than you, and wants to be in control, with you basically obedient and putting them always first. If that does not happen then all sorts of toxic untrue remarks are made in an attempt to put you in your place.

For some reason one can get to half believe those lies, and that makes future relationships harder, as you start to doubt your own worth.

I'm pleased to say once again you had the internal fortitude to break off , and left him. He was trying to push your buttons, and if you still hear him think of your courage, not just that once, but all the times before that I've mentioned

Don't worry about dates, somethng everyone does anyway. You only have to find one person out of all Australia who you click with, and there are many out there who will see strenght and determination and admire it.

If you veg out on a weekend it is no hassles. There is no need to do things until you feel like it

Please write back when you can and say how you are getting on

Croix