nervous newbie ~ a problem shared is a problem halved, right?

[ElizabethEmily]

This is my first post, I have clicked through the forum many times but always got too nervous(?) to actually sit down and write anything. So todays the day I it scribble down.

I have had depression for the most part of 10 years, it comes and goes like waves. As well as anxiety for the last two or so years, I never used to be an anxious person but these days are so different. None of my family know and I could count on one hand the number of friends that know. it's not that I don't want to tell people, I just don't know how anymore. I have had so many 'friends' that knew my world up and leave without a word or people close to me that dismiss a conversation about how I am feeling which has made me put my mental health on the backburner, not process things and just put others first. Now I'm trying to pour from an empty cup, that feels heavy and tiring but I feel guilty if/when I try to put myself first.

Over the past few years my core passion that I lived and breathed has faded away, it was an everyday thing that held so much reward, travel, friends and adventures but circumstance means it's no longer possible to follow that passion so all I am left with is dusty ribbons and left over 'tools of the trade'. Without it I am left wondering who I am now other than someone that gets up, works, comes home, eats, goes to bed and repeats. Throw in Covid restrictions in Victoria and it is hard to try to rediscover yourself and the things that fuel your fire, although I think I need to change my perspective on this one.

It took so long to write this but the weight of the world already feels a little lighter.

[P0L0]

Hi ElizabethEmily,

Welcome to the forums. You should feel proud of yourself for writing here about what you are going through.

I am from Melbourne, so I understand the severity of the lockdown and what it does to one's mental health. I am also someone who is used to helping others, but not being able to accept help back, because I too feel guilty. I have learned over the past couple of years to try and let others help me. When you help someone, you want to show to that person that you care, right? So, I tell myself that when I let other people help me, that it is a sign of them showing that they care for me.

I think I am now realising that perhaps low self-esteem has played a part in it - for me at least. I thought that my friends didn't like me as much as I like them because they don't show that they care. However, maybe it was me, not letting them care for me in the first place. I realise now (but I have to keep telling myself) that of course they like me as much as I like them.

Just know that people care for you, and the first step is the hardest part to seeking help. As soon as you ask for help, your friends and family WILL give you help, you just need to ask.

I believe you can do it!

P0L0

[romantic_thi3f]

Hi ElizabethEmily,

Welcome welcome welcome. I'm really glad you decided to post here and I hope you'll find that it was worth it - this is a really lovely community.

I will add to that this is a community filled with people who have/are experiencing depression and/or anxiety- so we all get it and I think when people understand they're less likely to dismiss you and your feelings away.

I don't think that your core passion has faded away - I think it's still there, maybe just hiding in the background. Everything that's happening in Victoria (and the world really) - has put our lives on hold. We have all had to go back to basics, and our lives look so different. This is part of the pandemic, and nobody's fault.

I hope that you'll find by being here you are still the same person even if you're not able to see it or feel it - and while the pandemic may feel like it's going on forever, it's you keeping yourself safe and letting things be a pause button and not a stop button.

rt