Hi 3Beemee
I feel for you so much as you face significant life altering events, from your past relationships ending through to wanting to change your relationship with alcohol and medication. All can be far from easy to manage and, in some cases, impossible to manage alone. I'm glad you came here to the forums, looking for support and a sense of direction as you look at managing a whole new part of your life.
From my own experience, I'd say alcohol can feel positively mind altering which can help explain the strong relationship with it. As you'd know, it can be negatively mind altering too. When the down side starts to strongly outweigh the upside, the need to address it can become a major issue. As a gal who used to drink to manage depression, it was definitely not a good way to manage. There was a strong emotional dependency on it. Drinking in order to gain a sense of ease (especially in social situations), drinking to gain a sense of escape from certain thoughts and inner dialogue, drinking to gain a sense of happiness, a sense of excitement and a sense of so much more meant I wasn't gaining any of those things naturally. Just about every emotionally dependent drinker I've spoken to has agreed that, when they've stopped drinking, a significant challenge has come down to seeking natural forms of self development. I suppose a way of looking at it is
- How can I naturally develop the non stresser in me or the sage in me?
- How can I naturally develop the excitement seeker in me?
- How can I naturally develop the analyst in me, that can help me manage inner dialogue amongst other things?
and the list of facets within our self, that may need to come to life, goes on.
For a highly sensitive person, alcohol can definitely dull the senses. This can mean we're not sensing or feeling what's anxiety inducing and depressing. Took me years to realise there can be the need to sense those things because they're telling us something's wrong or lacking and such things need to be addressed. Whether what's wrong relates in some way to childhood trauma and/or something else, there may now be a need to address it as you feel your way through this incredibly challenging time in your life. Speaking to your GP for a referral, so as to come to make better sense of your challenges, could be one way to go.
With the brain fog, not sure but something to consider could be sleep apnea or some kind of sleep disturbance, which can be brought about by the side effects of alcohol. Sleep apnea can mess with people something shocking, in many ways. From my own experience with it, it can leave you feeling brain damaged until it's managed effectively.
