Someone Just to Listen & Comfort

[ladybird22]

Hi everyone

I feel mentally drained today & my mood is very low. Im 62 and most of the time Im outgoing, bubbly and adventurous. Ive been through a lot over the past few years; moved house many times, lost contact with friends & dont hear from my family much who dont live near me. But the worst part that seems to be is losing three personal relationships over the past few years. I did the leaving in all of them. These men (the first my husband) all treated me well and apparently loved me..

Im on anti depressants, have been seeing a psychologist (who at first I clicked with, but now have lost it & it seems a waste of time). I work part time, volunteer, have joined a couple of groups to make new friends, but nothing changes inside me.

I live by myself but try to be around others at least every 2nd day. But the day Im by myself I start dreading the aloneness and wake up early each morning in tears.

Ive tried so many things and ways of finding inner peace & contentment but I have never been able to reach it.

Im tired & lost. Ive made so many mistakes in my life, but they have affected my security & stability. I cant even stay in a relationship.

My life shouldnt have turned out like this, but it has... Sorry for the whinge, but this is only a tip of the iceberg.

Any suggestions caring people?

The fir

[Mathy]

Hi LB22,

Firstly, welcome and it’s not a whinge to express how you’re feeling at the moment. I understand by the “tip of the iceberg”, that there may be more troubling you?

I’m 61 and single and I understand that, at our age we can feel very alone, vulnerable and how did I get to this point and have nothing to show for it. You work part time and you volunteer, both very positive things to have in your life. Sometimes when we feel lacking, it’s because we are comparing ourselves with “other”. By “other” I mean what society’s “expectation” are of where we should be in the age of sixties. My take on society’s expectations of 60 is that I should be married, have/be expecting grandchildren, be retired/looking to retire etc. Well, I’m gay, so there goes the marriage and the grandchildren and, I can’t afford to retire 🙂

I do know that taking stock of what I have, and being grateful for what I have, goes a long way towards helping me feel better. And, that paying attention to what I don’t have is a step towards a slippery slope.

I’m not religious, but I do like to read the Dalai Llama. I find reading and pondering on some of his quotes to be very clarifying/puts things in perspective. This goes a long way towards helping me be happy with who I am/how I am and warding off what society thinks I “should be”. Perhaps there’s someone you find interesting that could do that for you?

I’d really encourage you to read other parts of the forum - it’s a good place with good people, and when you’re ready, bring the rest of the iceberg in for a visit, cheers M 🙂

[quirkywords]

Ladybird

welcome to the forum .

It is good you have been trying different ways to meet people.

I wonder what happened to make you lose interest in your psychologist and feel it is a waste of time? Are you losing interest in other things.

I am a similar age to you and often wonder how my life turned out as it did.

Do you have GP you can trust and talk to.?

I am wondering have you experienced different moods through out your life.

This is a good start to reach out and be honest about yourself.

Quirky

[demonblaster]

Hi Ladybird, welcome and yes there is a lovely caring bunch here, you've come to a good place.
Good on you and hopefully although we're not face on here, it does help I've found & heard with others to can fill a void of loneliness as you get to know others around here.

The good thing but not if you know what I mean is everyone here has an understanding of pain so no judegement either which makes it a safe secure place to talk.

Good you're being pro active, joining groups to meet people, that's not always easy & that you try to be around people every couple days.

Recently I too was going through loneliness too although I have friends and love living alone can have devastating effects at times can't it.

I wonder do you think seeing your GP could help to ? review meds, don't know but could help a little.

Shame you feel a waste of time with Psych, personally I like seeing mine who's fantastic, don't get to see here often sometimes and she comes from another city but great to be able to unload & knowing someone on side and understands.

This is your space now where you can talk as often and much as you like, and if you feel up to it, you may like to navigate the forums and get to know others as well, really lovely people here which hoping will make you feel less alone.

Sorry for your sadness

I'll eventually be back you're on my threads now, so if you don't see me for any lengths of time know I'll return 🙂

[ladybird22]

Thanks Mathy for your caring reply. Its comforting to know Im not the only one in this age group feeling this way.

I was om BB quite a few years ago now and gained so much inner strength from it, I was able to help others on here.

But somewhere along the journey I slipped behind.

I agree with your view on us comparing ourselves with others and "where we should be".. I guess if the truth be known, we are probably right where we should be right now.

However Ive had friends tell me I appear to be incredibly hard on myself. I have strict discipline standards on myself, but I have learned whats good for me & whats not..

I trying to empathize and understand being gay, but Im not gay, so cant understand why I cant deal with a close personal relationship when I need one so much..I need a balance of male and female interaction, but have an abundance of female friends. I value their friendship, but have a great void inside for male interaction & friendship.

I Love to hear other peoples stories, so would be interested to hear yours if you'd like..

Hugs xxx

[ladybird22]

Thanks for your kind words quirky..

I just wrote a reply, then my phone rang and I lost it all!

Im still getting familiar with this site.

Im dragging myself through today...Its been such a long day & Ive realised that some days are just better over....

Ive had ups & downs moodwise over the years, nothing extreme, so dont think Im bipolar or anything.

Saw my GP this morning, she has increased my meds & referred me to another phycologist. In the past Ive found its really important to "click" with this person.

Cheers xx

[ladybird22]

Thank you Demonblaster for your reply...

I was interested in reading how you live living alone, although loneliness can creep in sometimes.

A few years ago I was in a good place. Id overcome my depression & anxiety & finally felt at peace with living on my own. I was socially active & employed, then I met someone.

Once I got emotionally attached to him I couldnt live without him, sort of like an addiction.

Two years after being in a relationship but living apart we decided to live together. I had to move house to a country area. His house, had to make new friends & aquaintances. But thats when living together went pear shaped. The split had a devastating affect on me..

Now unfortunately 20 months later I still intensely dislike living by myself. Nobody knows when I come home. I cant have pets as i rent. I don't like my own company, something Ive never felt before.

Somehow i have to learn to love MYSELF first, but i yearn to be with someone who cares for me as I know I have a lot to give the right person.

Hugs xx

[demonblaster]

yw Lady 🙂 Sorry looks like I might have been hacked so afk for a bit bbl xx

[ladybird22]

Hi all

Im back on here after nearly 2 years of being in a "better" mental space, not good, just better.

I eventually let go and let myself live a bit, trusted in myself and just did a few things for myself. Simple things like going to places "I" enjoyed and I went by myself, no longer feeling the need to find someone to go with me.

So low & behold when I started loving & trusting "me" & treating myself like my best friend I began to realise I could pull myself back up, at least to a reasonable place.

And so unexpectedly i met someone, a dear sweet kind & thoughtful man. Well its been 2 yrs now & are very close emotionally. Trouble is im falling down again inside and I cant let this happen....

This is getting too long a post so i will explain a little on my next post if i can get this to work, im having trouble.

[ladybird22]

I thought i was going to be ok again. My life had turned around to have more hope, love & the very real chance of a decent future.

Ive learnt over the years some strategies to not to fall down these pot holes for too long anymore Adventures, distractions, doing things i enjoy doing, being around cheery people and avoiding energy zappers (people who blow their own trumpet and are totally self focused). I have empathy for people with mental health issues as im one of them, the difference is I sort of learned to control mine.

Then last week out of the blue I started feeling disinterested in being around people, or to my church which Ive always felt i didnt fit into. I got tired of asking how other people were and it "seemed" nobody asked if I was ok. I was losing my tolerance and patience. Ive been trying to keep interacting with people, but they all appear to me to be almost "Aliens" to me. I dont quite understand any of this.

So tonight Ive felt myself going down agai and I CANT GO DOWN again. I thought i had it beaten, that horrible gripping anxiety that used to ruin my life, the depression that i lived with for years. The many personal losses that have drained me. I miss my friends and my numerous homes over the years ive lost.Tonight I feel Ive taken a giant step backward.

At 64 I have been given another at love, I can't and wont let myself stuff this up. My thoughts are becoming cynical and negative. I dont like being like this, this is not the person I like being..

So tonight i will try and get some sleep. Tomorrow im going to cut off everything I dont HAVE to do and just deal with being me, alone with my own thoughts. Im confused and sad that im dropping down again. Would love some kind people to talk to on here.