Sad and alone

[kittenw]

Hi, ive just joined and dont know really it will help me being here or not but i have no one else to talk to.

My husband has recently been diagnosed with type 2 diabetes and is really struggling to cope. What isnt helping is that he was signed off work until they had his meds under control which has left us really short with money. He has been very quiet, angry and withdrawn from myself and our 3 children. He has told me that he is depressed and cant really explain how he is feeling. He just keeps saying he is in a really dark place. He has talked about leaving and says he isnt sure if he wants to be with us anymore. Whats killing me is i dont know what to do? i have no other family here as i moved over from the UK and also have no friends here. Whats upset me further is that he is choosing to spend most of his time at his mums house as since finding out he is diabetic his mum has been cooking his dinners as she is also diabetic so she knows what he can eat. He doesnt normally come back until it is time for my son to go to bed which makes me feel like he would rather be living there.

Im now finding myself thinking will it change or is this how its going to be? Does he actually want to be with us or is it because he is depressed and fed up?

Some advice would help please

[white knight]

Hi, welcome

I think it's very important you try to get him to a GP for a discussion.

During such visit, initially talk about diet, you can use that as a reason to attend. Then towards the end mention he's been depressed and elusive towards you and your kids.

As far as diet goes for a diabetic type 2 it isn't that far away from normal eating so he should learn and know what to eat. So I don't see that that is a valid reason not to eat at home.

Does he take medication for his depression?

TonyWK

[geoff]

Hello Kittenw, and a warm welcome.

Whether or nor your husband's diabetes are to blame for him not being at work or whether it's his depression may not be determined, unless you decide you want to contact his workplace, but this may be something that might only aggravate his condition, but it seems as though he is struggling with depression as he has said and could well be the reason why he spends most of his time at his mum's house.

Although the intentions of you wanting to help him through this period, there can be two mistakes we all may take initially, and I mean no harm in saying this, it's just from my own experience, and the first is that people keep asking questions why he feels like this and the second is telling him what he should be doing, rather than wait until he's ready to open up in his own time.

Staying with his mother during the day may be easier than being at home, only because when he says no to her the conversation doesn't continue, but it's common for depressed to want to leave home and at some stage want to return home and visit the kids.

This is not easy for you or your son and if your son needs someone to talk to, outside of the family, then he can speak to Kids Helpline 1800 55 1800 by phone, webchat or online, while you can contact your doctor as there must be many questions you want answers to.

Ask your GP about 'the mental health plan', this entitles Medicare to pay for 10 sessions to talk with a psychologist per year, although you may be able to have more sessions, your doctor will know.

Hope you can get back to us whenever you are available.

Geoff.

[LongFace]

He is probably disappointed and upset with himself that he cannot support his family, and is withdrawing and angry as a result. The health issue might be scaring him and making him consider his mortality/aging etc.

As someone in a not completely dissimilar position I can empathise and sympathise. I still love my wife and family desperately and he must too. Please give him time and be patient with him. Be kind and loving and show you care, but do get him along to that GP or some other help.

Good luck