Realistic Expectations?

[Trying8]

Hi, first time posting & hoping for some advice

Short history is that I am mid 40’s male, happily married with a great wife and kids, I have been relatively successful & fortunate in life to date

I had never experienced (or really understood) anxiety or depression until ~ 2 years ago. Various logical triggers for my issues such as nursing my best mate who passed away very suddenly, starting my own business in a high stress industry and the income uncertainty and risk that goes along with that - although compared to most we are very fortunate and have no real debt and the next 12 months are secure for income

I had some form of breakdown 2 years ago but managed to keep working, in the last month or so I have been really struggling again

I’m trying to educate myself and seek proper help via a GP, psychologist and I am trying a psychiatrist next week. I have started on some med’s for the first time 6 weeks ago which have helped settle the anxiety but have left me feeling very depressed - I was reluctant to go down the med’s path but have accepted I need something and I do appreciate that they are no magic bullet and I need to give them time so am holding off on any changes for at least another month. I have also been trying to get the basics right, minimal booze, more exercise, trying meditation, CBT etc.

The main thing I am grappling with is what is realistic to expect in my situation - I want to push myself to make this business viable as it is my life’s dream but I know I am really only operating at about 3 out of 10 most days and to succeed in this industry I need to be at least at 7

Does anyone see any similarities in my story ?

Is it realistic for me to expect to get back to my old self in the next few months or is this going to be 12 month+ battle - if it is the latter I really need to reconsider the risks I am taking on with this business venture and perhaps give up on the dream and look for a normal job to protect my young family

Thanks for reading and to all those that give their time and energy to assist others on the forums you have my deepest respect and admiration - it cannot be easy, especially if you are battling your own demons

[Aaronsis]

Hi Trying8

It is so wonderful that you are here and that you have reached out for some support, it is also wonderful to hear that you have visited your GP and that you have things in place for your wellbeing journey, that is awesome.

You have alot of stressors at the moment and with a business to manage and a young family too that you are providing for, as well as trying to manage mental wellness, that is an awful lot. To answer your question with regards to time for this journey....I dont have the answers for that, it is a journey and some days you are going to feel on top of the world and like you have kicked this to the curb then others when you feel down right lousey....that is the journey unfortunately and it takes ..well...as long as it takes. The bonus for you is that you are doing everything so very right and really getting into all the things that make for a positive outcome and that is fantastic.

I am no business professional so I cannot comment on what you "should" do with regards to you business, I would recommend doing though, whatever it is that takes the load off, if that means you put your business on hold for awhile to focus on you, to give yourself the best chance of feeling stronger, that is what I would suggest is the winning ticket. I dont think you ever have to give up on your dream, and by the sounds of your determination I don't think that will be possible, you sound so driven, however I think pausing for a moment to think about you, as you said you are really only functioning at 3 out of 10 most days, why give yourself the extra pressure of a business to ramp into gear when you are not at your best. If you had a broken leg you would do light duties until the bone healed, I think that is the same way to look at your mental health too, take some time to do light duties until you are feeling on top of it.

I want to also say how much your last sentence meant to me, you have no idea how much being here and talking to people, sometimes who are at their very darkest of days helps me in my journey and it was so very heart warming to read your appreciation...thank you Trying8.

We are here for you and to chat, I am not sure if I have helped but we are here to support and comfort you.

Hugs

AS

[Trying8]

Hi AS,

Thank you for such a kind and well considered reply - your words resonated with me as when I am feeling low my thoughts really align with what you suggest

Of course life is always a bit more complicated & putting things on hold at the moment would result in me losing industry credibility and opportunity

The business is in commercial property development and I have a development site and investors so now is really the time I need to 'push on' from a business perspective

Hopefully I can update this post over the next 12 months and provide a positive story that can help others

Looking back I can't believe I have been so naive about the impact that mental health can have and how debilitating it can be. The flipside is that when I am on a 'good day' I know I am definitely a better and more empathetic person because of suffering through this

Your reply has helped me as I am sure you have helped many others on here

Even taking the new step of posting on here today has made my mood lighten up and given me another tool to try - which reminds me I need to keep that journal going !!

Best wishes AS & thanks again

[Aaronsis]

Great to hear back from you Trying8

I understand what you mean by now is the time when you need to push on, yes being in property development is a huge deal and with investors and deadlines and people exchanging LOTS of money I hear what you are saying that you really need to get going with it, especially if you are at the pointy end of execution when all the plans are set in place and you are ready to go. I do understand that it is such a volatile industry so yes, some time to "get well" doesn't really fit into those plans. Unfortunately depression and anxiety and mental illness does not consider any of that nor does it pick and choose who it interferes with. You do sound like you are doing everything in your power to manage this and that is so very brave and courageous of you.

Writing and getting your feelings out is such a powerful tool, I do that alot too, for no one to read and I mostly never re read what I have written but it feels so good to purge. It is also very wonderful that you have come to join us here, such a caring and supportive community of people that will give you some strength too, it is fantastic you have reached out.

I am just wondering if there is a person to whom you could delegate some of the processes to so that you can take some extra time in the day to stay well? The other thing is, and I am not sure how you would feel about his but perhaps talking to the main stakeholders about your journey and explaining to them some of your struggle? I know that sounds very scary and makes you perhaps feel very vulnerable, but I think people are starting to understand mental health and the seriousness of it/

Hope to chat some more to you Trying8

AS

[Trying8]

Thanks AS,

Interesting that you don’t typically re-read what you have written

I find myself re-reading my journal back but I am still new to doing it - I think you are so right though that it is just the act of getting things out that provides the release and the content is really not important, especially when your thoughts are scrambled from anxiety & negativity I find the writing does very much provide a ‘purge’

You have inspired me to focus on writing more as I have always felt better after doing it

Your suggestion on delegation is definitely an option and I have some external PM’s that I can call if I need to do this

The stakeholder one is more challenging but I understand what you are saying

I just try to remind myself that I’ve managed projects plenty of times before and when I act rather than just think and worry (ie. make the calls, organise the meetings, send the emails) then it is kind of like ‘muscle memory’ just kicks in and my mood and confidence improves

One thing I read recently really resonated with me about staying in the moment and reminding ourselves that all we really have control over is the here and now;

Worring unproductively about the future without taking positive action = breeding ground for Anxiety

& agonising over those past decisions and ‘what ifs’ = pathway to Depression ...

[Aaronsis]

Hi Trying8

Writing is such a wonderful tool and there is no right or wrong way to do it, if you like a journal format that works for you that is great, if you are like me I tend to just dump on the page and write until I stop, there really is no rule, but it is so great as you feel like you have left your burden behind.

I am glad that you have the capacity to delegate, maybe this person will be your plus 1...like the extra part of you, like an assistant and you can lean on them to do some of the leg work so you can have some time out.

It is so very important to live in the moment, it is easier said than done and it does remind us that the past has already happened and the future hasn't happened yet and that worrying and creating scenarios in our head does not serve any purpose that creating ..well..anxiety...this might sound weird but I sometimes have to write a list of the things I have to worry about, then I can acknowledge the list and say."great, that has been worried about and now I can move on"...it is strange but it helps me and then I can acknowledge the worry, move past it and remind myself that I have worried about it so it is fine....I know..weird..but it works for me...lol

I am not sure why I don't re read my journals, alot have to do with suicide and the death of my brother and things that perhaps I dont want to revisit again, in saying that maybe I felt like I have purged it so probably no use to re read it...I am actually not sure why I dont, it wasn't until I read your comment that I thought about why I dont....hmmm

Hope you have had something to smile about this weekend and that you are feeling more positive about the path ahead for you and your wellness.

Hugs

Sarah