Reaching Out

[relaxed_robert]

I’m not really ok and probably haven’t been for a while now. I’ve probably been masquerading like I’ve got it all in hand for too long. I seem to keep having these feelings of anxiety and just generally feeling quite overwhelmed. This is across work and family. Caring for others going through mental health concerns themselves has been something I needed to do but it seems to have emptied my tank. Similarly with work thinking I can take on and endless amount of projects and not focusing on what’s important to me seems to have emptied my tank. I want to take back some control so this is my attempt (not for the first time) to do this. I know that gravitating more towards the worries in my life and not appreciating the positive especially in the moment is not the best thing for me or for those who I’m supporting.

[Sophie_M]

Dear relaxed_robert
 
Welcome to the forums and to this kind and supportive community. Thank you for showing such courage in posting and sharing that experience.
 
We are sorry to hear that you are having such a difficult time recently, but we’re so pleased you have reached out to the supportive community. Sometimes life can feel like we are taking on too much, or that we are not getting any reprieve from the never-ending demands of daily life. It is in moments like these, we like to offer a friendly ear to listen to these troubles and discuss any options or assistance that may be appropriate.
 
While you are waiting for one of our supportive community members to respond to your post, we thought we might include some resources below around self-care for you, it’s so important to take time for you too and we hope that you find these helpful:
 
Managing Anxiety and Stress
 
Apps for Managing Anxiety
 
Self Care Planning
 
If you ever feel like you need to talk to someone, you can also give us a call, we are here 24/7 on 1300 22 4636 or Webchat.
 
Thank you again for joining this community, we hope that you can join other conversations that resonate with you and read about other users and their journey to better mental health.
 
Regards
 
Sophie M
 

[ecomama]

Oh gosh relaxed_robert, you sound like such a wonderful person; caring for people in your life, taking on too much at work... welcome to the forums. 

I really hope this safe space allows you to really talk things out with people who definitely understand AND so many of us have "been there" too. Hugs! 

Hey THANKS to our wonderful Sophie_Ms being UP at such a crazy hour to respond to our new members so quickly. HUGS! lol. We all really appreciate every one of you so much. 

RR heavens. This is a LOT! 
Do you know what I find so remarkable in your post? 
YOU noticed this all by yourself! Wow that's really awesome. 

You sound "burnt out", empty tank an' all. 

You can Bounce Back from this time, in fact you can use this moment as an enlightening one, and not too soon either. 

BUT when you bounce back, it will be with boundaries. 
Your last sentence touched my soul. 
Dear robert, YOUR life is not about everyone else. It's about YOU TOO! In fact dare I say, it's about YOU FIRST! 

I know that sounds selfish (it did for me too).. but it's true isn't it? 

Sometimes our Family Of Origin (FOO) has such dependency within them, we and others in our FOO can rely on each other far too much. No one notices you are at breaking point. This is what you must notice and you have. 
Getting back to our FOO.. enmeshment can be "scientifically measured" (kind of lol)... a Psychologist can measure this for you but most importantly could give you strategies in how to begin to put respectful boundaries in place. Meaning respecting yourSELF first. 

People in our lives will take take take. I've done all this work for decades already and I'm in this spot AGAIN with a friend! Sighhh more work required. 

I truly believe that putting up boundaries AND creating a 'buffer zone' will also help those who are relentlessly over dependent upon us too. They will HAVE TO find other life buoys in life in addition to us. 
We literally cannot "save" everyone. 
Oxygen mask on self first. 

Talk soon, 
Love EM

[Mark Z.]

Hi relaxed robert,

Welcome to the forum.

Looks like you're experiencing burnout as a carer. It's really hard isn't it? As a carer you do need to take care yourself. Maybe you need a break. For the person you're caring, is there any alternative temperory support?

And regarding your work, I think you can try to have a discussion with your manager. You do need to seek balance and keep focused. Maybe your manager will have some idea to support you, including reviewing your work load or re-distribting tasks to other team memebers. 

Mark

[geoff]

Hello relaxed_robert, sometimes we pretend to others so we can try and get on with our day, but eventually there has to be a breaking point, why, because it simply becomes way too much for us and all it takes is even something very small to make us fall.

When you take on more work, you are doing so, only because you re pretending to yourself as well as to others that you are capable, but it all becomes way too much and finally you own up to yourself that, hey, I can't cope with this and need to realise that you need help.

As soon as someone comes up to you and suggests you do extra work, you'll say yes, but literally you can't and have to tell them.

You need to take a step back wards and start getting the help you need.

Geoff.

Life Member.

[jaz28]

Hi Robert,

I am sorry you are feeling this way. Carers fatigue is a real thing and can cause burn-out, it is definitely important to practice some self-care. You cannot help others if your cup is half empty, so I think I think you should fill your cup first. Set some boundaries with those who are dependent on you, take some time off work, do whatever you need - then come back feeling refreshed.

Have you spoken to a mental health professional about this?

Thank you for sharing and I hope things improve,

Jaz xx

[relaxed_robert]

Thanks Sophie I’ve made use of some of the apps and some others that were referred to me and have made good use of them.

[relaxed_robert]

It’s great reading all the replies of support and advice. Having had some time now to reflect and make some changes putting myself first (family and work lives) probably has proved the hardest thing to change. The burnout was taking its toll on me and I’d just never admit it. Small steps of course but moving in the right direction.  Unfortunately my role as a carer I can’t share but the situation is much more in control with this person. Pushing back on unnecessary work elements has helped also. Managing to take 10 days leave shortly which will be my first chance at some real time away in 2 years. Will be scheduling in a longer block over Xmas too. Thank you everyone for helping me get started.