Parent seeking help for teeneager

[Jacinta5]

Hi, my son is 16 and refuses help from anyone. He won't go to school or doing anything much. He has been diagnosed with depression and severe anxiety. I am trying to encourage him to do a Tafe course 2 days a week but he has shut down again and barely interacts at home again. The thought of education seems to cause his anxiety to overload. Would like ideas on how to boost his confidence.

[Croix]

Dear Jacinta5~

Welcome here, it is a very worrying thing for a parent and I'm afraid I've no magic answers, I can say what has helped a few. First though is it anxiety over doing the courses, the traveling, or the fellow students or teachers that is the main cause of his anxiety?

The cause may reveal the path to take.

As you said he has been diagnosed I'd imagine he is already under medical support, with therapy and possibly medication, though it may be a battle to get him to go, maybe teleheath might be easier.

I guss the thing that might help is not to be seen by him as an authority figure, a parent who points out waht needs to be done (no matter how necessary)

If it was me I'd try a couple of differing tacks, the first being to try to simply be a companion, and do the things you both like, maybe he will teach you computer games, maybe you might both go out together to a place he likes, tha sort of thing. Let him make the decision

If he has a particular friend have him/her over

Secondly I'd try and involve him in decision making around the house -maybe saying what shopping is needed maybe selecting the evening meal (and even cooking part/all of it).

You get the idea, you become a non-threatening companion, hopefully enjoyable company, and second you allow him to make as many decisions as is practical

I dunno if it will help, it may be worth a try -what do you think?

Croix

[Nurse_Jenn]

Hi Jacinta5,

This sounds really tough. Trying to get people to achieve things when they are not quite there or receptive can be really hard. Healing and recovery often come at a persons own time frame which can be really frustrating.

Croix suggestions above are really great. Being with your son in a way that fosters building your relationship can make a difference sometimes. I have recently had a person reveal to me that their teenage son was really struggling with school. Rather than push school, she worked very hard to just be his mum (not his teacher, counsellor, life coach etc...). She played (like when he was young), ate together and taught him a few things and walked and explored. Once she did this for a while, he began telling her things again... and their relationship grew. Fast forward a year later, and he is back at school and doing okay and what stood out to this mum, is the amount their relationship has grown.

This is just an example and I am not sure what your particular situation has involved up until this point. Perhaps if you feel comfortable you could share more about the challenges you are facing?

Another suggestion I have is to get some support for just you. Going through all the worry and stress over your son's health would be exhausting. I wonder if you have had some support or have any outlets to talk and also heal for yourself.

We are here and we are listening.

Sending you strength,

Nurse Jenn