Stuck and don’t know what to do.

[Purple_Horse]

Hello,

I’m relatively new here, but have previously posted in the anxiety forums. I guess I’m coming to terms with the fact that I may have depression as well as anxiety. I find myself visiting these forums when I feel low and have no one else to turn to, so I apologize if what I’m saying comes out as a rant.

I‘m 29 and have been struggling with my mental health pretty much since I was a teenager. I’ve always been quiet and awkward and have struggled socially. My issues have also always been overshadowed due to family members having actual diagnosed mental illnesses. I’m just the quiet, sensible one who holds it together for everyone. When people say this, they think they’re giving me a compliment, but it actually cuts deep, as they have no idea of my inner struggles.

Last year I made the leap to reach out to my GP to say I needed help. It took all my energy just to book the appointment and more so to actually go through with it. When it was over, I had a referral to see a psychologist and asked the receptionist to book me an appointment, however, they just handed me a card and said I could book it myself. It’s now been a year and a half and I still haven’t booked. I’ll now have to go through the whole process again. The very thing I need help for is the thing stopping me.

I’m in a very vulnerable place right now, I’ve just lost my job due to COVID-19 and am struggling to find new work. I’m unhappy in my relationship, but I fear I’ll be worse off leaving because I’ll have to move back in with my parents who no longer speak to one another. And I just cannot live in that environment.

I only really have two friends, both of which struggle with their own mental health issues. I have spoken to them about this before, but ultimately I am just burdening them. They also both have very rich social lives, so I often feel I’m at the bottom of the pile.

I honestly don’t know what to do now. I would like to go to university, but don’t know what to study. I have also missed out on enrollments, due to the timing of my work ending.

Most days I just feel like I am in a cloud of fog, with no real enjoyment for anything or connection to anyone. I’m just lost and bored and feel very lonely.

I guess I’m just looking for some support here and any advice anyone can offer.

Thank you for reading.

PH x

[uncut_gems]

Hi PH,

I want to start by welcoming you to the forums, if you hadn't been already. This is exactly the kind of thing we are here for!

It's fantastic that you were able to make that crucial first step in reaching out to your GP, but don't get down on yourself for not seeing it through to the next step. It sounds like you realize what you need to do to get on track (see a therapist), but are just struggling to actually do it, which is a situation I've been in myself many times. Because teletherapy and GP visits can now be bulkbilled, you may actually find it even easier this time around.

Between this, finding new work, and figuring out your studies, you have plenty of structure for your long-term. In regards to the day-to-day, I think you are well within your right to lean a little more on your family and friends. I'm sure you have been there for them plenty of times, and if they are true loved ones they will heed the call.

Keeping busy in the meantime will also be important. Are there any little projects, hobbies, or interests you like or have been thinking about?

Always here for you and happy to chat more.

Gems