OK here goes - hullo, first time posting

[Jay55]

More than anything I am lonely. And I have difficulty meeting people, and I have relationship problems. I should be over this sort of thing by now - I'm in my 60s. I know 3 years in a boys home as a child has had a deep effect on me. And two years ago I was made redundant and although I have put a lot of energy (and passion) into developing my own business it is not financially strong yet. This is very stressful. I am worried about money all the time. So I don't feel that I am someone people would want to get to know. I wonder if I am better off just being by myself. Just don't know where to go from here.

[Doolhof]

Hi Jay55,

Welcome to the community here. There are many parts to this forum. Once you feel comfortable, you might like to look at some of the other topics and join in. The social section includes a wide range of topics from favourite books to home maintenance to storing happy memories.

Sorry to read you are struggling with your business and have finance concerns. Please don't think these issues will make you less likeable or unable to form friendships.

I volunteer in an Op Shop and since I have been there have been hospitalised for my depression about three times. My fellow volunteers take me as I am. We have a few laughs and great chats. Some days I go Blah and they listen or walk away, which ever they prefer.

Do you have time for social engagements, do you have hobbies or interests you can include in weekends perhaps?

I have read some people talking about "Meet up " groups where like minded people get together and do things.

The local council may know of groups in your region. I guess if you know where to look Google can help you with that as well.

You may like to look for a thread from Skary Bill and read about his progression since joining the forum recently.

Hope you feel welcome here! Cheers to you from Dools

[Croix]

Dear Jay55~

Welcome here to the Forum, coming here was a good move on your part, getting to see how others view things can be hard - especially if you are by yourself.

Being made redundancy is a huge thing, and made seemingly more difficult at your age -though that is only part of the story. A horrible childhood too can cast a life-long shadow, a corrosive one that lowers one's view of oneself -as does a firm letting you go.

Both together and life can be very hard.

OK, that's the down side.

You have not sat back and felt sorry for yourself, but have started your own business, and done so enthusiastically and worked hard. You are also old enough not to fall into the traps the young do.

One of them is to believe that you are not interesting to others or do not have things to offer, or pleasant to be with. All those ideas are generate by circumstances and simply are not true.

Financial problems strike most, and it is how you handle life that is important, and anyone with any sense regards one's reaction to setbacks as important - a measure of character and resilience.

Just in passing I'll mention that around 70 I had the chance to mentor and teach another younger person about my skills. It has been one of life's genuine pleasures, passing on knowledge, skills, and ways of dealing wiht life too, plus I gained a freind.

Life is full of surprises, and the are not all bad ones.

Can I suggest you do seek out others and get to know people, you will find some you like , and who like you. If stuck for ideas a Mens Shed is a good starting point.

Croix

[Jay55]

Thanks Doolhof and Croix. The mens shed might be useful. I looked at U3A as well, but nothing appealed to me. Right now I have nothing to look forward to except poverty and loneliness. And my business - I am a sole trader with very little interaction with others. Working in a sector of the arts almost guarantees low income. I feel lost. When I was in the boys home I protected myself by withdrawing and it became a habit. I have struggled with self esteem and that has made it hard to build friendships. For years I fooled myself thinking I was happy alone but now its caught up with me. I am frightened now.

[Jay55]

Just re-read this and it sounds melodramatic. But it is what I am feeling.

[Croix]

Dear Jay~

Fright and apprehension are normal things, not melodrama, and voicing them here is exactly right, we are here to listen and understand.

U3A is a learning environment, or it is in my area, and as such may be fine for gathering/imparting information, but not for companionship with those who are in a position to understand and have things in common, which is why I mentioned the Mens' Shed.

I can't talk about the likelihood of poor finances, I can say that loneliness can be rectified surprisingly easily in the right circumstances, though I'll admit it tales courage to initiate contacts.

Being in one's 60's does not stop one from trying new ways, there are many faced with that situation. I was frightens for many years that 65 was going to bring everything to a stop, but was wrong, I'm busy and feel accomplished, not for any real reason except I volunteered and it grew to other things.

You know you are welcome here anytime.

Croix

[Kanangra]

Hi Jay,

I'm new here too and I feel I can relate to a lot of what you say. I have actually made the decision to be by myself (single) for the foreseeable future. It makes a lot of sense to me in this stage of my life. I want to use what energy and mind space I have to look after myself.

Even though I've only been on this forum for a few days, I feel I've found a safe space. I was so lost and didn't know where to turn. It's great just to have someone say 'hi'. So 'hi' and welcome.

[Jay55]

Thank you Croix. I certainly don't have any problems keeping busy, and that will be how it is for my foreseeable future, which is great. I might look at a mens shed.

[Jay55]

Thanks for saying hi Kanangra. Yes it's good to have a space. My future as far as relationship goes is uncertain, but I fear the worst. And yet it's been my experience that things always work out for the best even if in an unexpected way. Not sure I believe that this time…

Anyway, "hi", from another lost soul.

[IreneM]

HI Jay,

It's easy to feel lost as a baby boomer.

I agree that Croix's suggestion of Men's Shed is a good one if you're handy with your hands. But I notice that you also have an interest in art as well. So maybe an Art and Craft group of some sort may well be of interest.

There are so many ways in which to be creative nowadays, from gardening to making things and doing them up for the benefit of others. Even just expressing yourself through art or writing or reading. It never hurts to look on your local council website under community groups also. I have found a writers group that meets at the local library monthly and will go there next week.

Great that you're using this post to express your feelings too, we are all here to listen and understand each other. I have begun to start a business as well and it will take time before it gives income. So I just have to be patient and keep working as finance allows.

Take care

Irene.