Newbie - stressed and burning out

[Introvert76]

Hi, I’m not sure where to look for help so I thought I would try here.

I’m a professional with 20+ years experience. A bit of a sensitive soul and a bit on the intro side but otherwise usually even keeled until the last couple of years.

Things have been less than happy at home. I’ve been married for 20 years later this year but we’re more like flatmates than a married couple - hubby told me he’s not interested in all that anymore so there’s no affection. He’s controlling of my time - I’m always being asked where I’m going and when I’ll be back. That’s why an online forum caught my eye.

I don’t have a big social circle so I’ve been working harder to forget about any nastiness or what have you at home.

Then I was assigned to be a contractor in a team where I’m not confident in what I’m doing and working for a client who’s chaotic and loud and in a high-pressure environment. I’m so stressed I can’t sleep properly, I cry almost every day (sometimes I don’t know why) and I don’t have energy to do things I enjoy anymore. My boss noticed I was down and told me to try using the Headspace app for meditation and to be more resilient/ toughen up. I’d like to say that was helpful.

Is this somewhere where I can find some help?

[Croix]

Dear Introvert76~

Thank you for coming here, it might seem a big step and can take courage, however there are many here in similar situations who can say what has helped.

First off though I have to say I really dislike people saying "toughen up". What sort of silly unfeeling thing is that? For many it is just an easy way out, something to say so they don't have to care and help. Do you think this is how your boss is?

You said your husband was no longer interested in intimacy and was checking up on you, does it go further than that? You did say "nastiness".

Your work does not sound good at the moment, can you say what's worrying you the worst?

Crying, no energy, no enjoyment, being stressed; all sound like me when depression and anxiety started to grow. I was more lucky in I has support at home with my partner, even if it was work that was making me ill -no help there for me I'm afraid.

Can I suggest a couple of things? (My apologies if you are already doing this) The first is to go see your GP in a long consultation and set out what has been happening and how you are right now. I know it might be difficult if your husband wants to know where you are all the time, maybe you can go during working hours? Any ideas?

The second is to ask you if there is anyone, family or a friend who you can talk with and feel care and understanding, it can really help. I've no idea about your job, some companies have an employee welfare officer you can see.

I got worse til I got help, so I'd suggest you seek it out straight away

I do hope you come back and talk here again

Croix

[known]

Hi there,

I'm a newbie here too, but I wanted to reach out and say I could relate to the title of your post.

I'm also at burn-out point. I'm in a new-ish job, I don't feel very confident in it and I have been having panic attacks, and crying a lot, sometimes I don't know why, either. And waking up in the middle of the night with nausea. The lack of sleep is the cherry on top!

A couple of things that have helped in the past couple of days, some of them might help you, too:

- Talking to the counsellors on beyond blue.

- Talking with a psychotherapist, if you can afford the investment.

- Making an appointment to see a GP. I am going to try light meds.

- Talking with family and close friends (sometimes this is not helpful as they can have the whole "toughen up" approach, and some assume the anxiety is just kinda the normal under-the-surface kind)

- Talking through my thoughts with someone else, who helped me to map out some to-do's each day so I can actually just look at the list and do it. I'm finding work stressful because I can't prioritise at the moment, and I keep forgetting things, and I have been trying to hide this from my colleagues which is causing more anxiety. So to have someone else help me make these lists has been good.

- If you have the option to take some time off, do it. If you feel that you can't take time off, maybe talk that through with a friend. I thought I was "stuck" because of my workload, but the GP, therapist, counsellors and close friends all told me I needed to take at least a day off.

- If you have a trusted colleague at work, it might help to tell them what is going on (or flag it without too much detail if you feel uncomfy) so that you don't feel alone at work.

I acknowledge that this can seem totally untrue, but you are not alone.

[hob2]

seems like he needs "toughen Down"

try & not be bullied by such ppl

[Steinbeck]

Hi,

I reckon a lack of intimacy and being desired/cared about is such a tough thing to live with and does spill over into other parts of life. I'm in a similar situation where my husband turns it back on me. I know he has some issues but it's easier to say their mine and avoid the whole situation. I love him very much and not ready to give up but he needs to deal with his stuff.

I find that it effects my confidence in other areas of my life. Things that I could normally cope with, knowing I have a caring home to go to, are so much harder when there is no debrief and support. It can feel very lonely.

My answer to keep sane and make sure I do get the most out of life is to keep doing the things I love and always offer him the opportunity to come with me/be involved. I show love and caring but make sure he understands that we both have choices. It seems to take the pressure off him and I'm hoping that soon he will deal with his issues. And I tell him where I'm going but don't bite back anymore when he wants detail. The fact is, I'm going. He can always come along. I also make sure that I speak to a friend or family member every day to give me good contact as I work from home. A good long conversation is fantastic!

Therapy and maybe meds might be just what you need to get back on track and look at things a bit more logically. The mess going round in your head just drags you down more, believe me I know.

Please keeping talking on here or call Beyond Blue. It's so nice to feel understood.