Depression becoming consuming

[Brain_Numb]

I'm a very self-aware person and consider myself ok however, at present i'm staring into my computer screen at an office i don't feel anything for with people i don't connect with, 3 months into a new but with no direction other than "i'll leave you to your own devices, but i'm always here" by upper management. I'm a middle manager. I have depression.

Having arrived at work one day in January 2016 to hear the same voice and whinge about the same thing, i took myself to the pub at 9am to enjoy the early opening hours for shift workers. This increased to near everyday over the span of 2 years. My drinking I've never considered a problem but it has increased and during the day more so. I decided to contact Relationships Australia and saw a counsellor once a week. It was beneficial as I generally never talk about myself; i use humour and make myself the butt of the joke at all times when socializing, this has always been a great tool for me. Talking about myself was draining and I’d head straight to the pub 'on the way back to the office'...at times never getting there. I would openly tell the counsellor that there was a good chance this was going to happen. I did this for 2 years without anyone noticing; i think though convenient at the time, this affected me a lot. Were people that self-invested? Was i good at hiding it? Or was i insignificant?

My mum left our family when i was 15 but i don't consider this to be a severe contributing factor however it seemed this was central to the discussion within the sessions and after 4 months, i got tired of it reoccurring. I asked the counsellor to please offer a suggestion or recommendation of how to deal with what i was going through however this never came. I did reconnect and resume the weekly meets down the track for another 5 sessions, but it was to the same end.

2019 came i bought a bike, I signed up for a triathlon, i got married, i have 5 beautiful children, moved house, i lost my licence for 6 months for DUI, visited England and my family with my wife (I'm English, moved to Aus in 2007), was made redundant, got a new job, sole income provider to family, can't sleep, drink more, self confidence decreasing, motivation all time low, resentment to work life as a whole. Thought about a career change - I'm 36, but when i think of it, i truly don't think i could have any motivation for any kind of work.

I need someone to tell me what to do, i feel pathetic typing that. I'm tired, weeks just pass by, i need help.

[DistraitLilly]

Hi Brain Numb,
I don't think you really need someone to tell you what to do, it is after all your life and no one knows it better than you.
I understand that it's scary making changes in your life particularly one that helps to drown out the world but alcohol by nature is a depressant and while its nice to feel numb if you are tired of not getting anywhere and being down perhaps its time you took charge.
Dont get overwhelmed I'm not suggesting going cold turkey or changing everything in your life often that is met with significant resistance from our ever so helpful brains. But plant the idea to take a small step maybe just googling if there is an AA group in your area? Or slowly start cutting down the amount you drink baby steps, and you don't have to do it alone.
Are you still riding the bike? Exercise as I am sure you know helps by releasing those feel good chemicals.
I realise it can be a lot of pressure to be the sole provider especially with 5 kids (someone's super fertile) sorry I can't have kids of my own i get a little jealous sometimes but it is what it is. Sorry was side tracked lots of pressure and responsibility but its important to make sure you make time for you to have some self care.

Now as for your counsellor, if you dont feel like you are getting what you need from your sessions its okay to shop around try some different counsellors/psychologists on for size. Psychology has many different theories on how the brain works and how to help each psychologists practices a version that resonates with them but that might not always be the right approach for you. To me it sounds like you would prefer if your counsellor was a little more challenging towards you rather than a passive listener just my observation from your comments i may be wrong. But the point is if it's not right for you its okay to shop around.

I apologise if i have been too forthright and blunt the last thing I want is to make you feel more overwhelmed.

[therising]

Hi BN

Really outside the square but have you ever pondered the idea of employing a life coach. Never done it myself, yet this has just popped into my head. Not sure if money's a factor regarding this suggestion.

You mention how you don't want to focus on the past (your mum leaving). You sound like you seriously want someone to help you plan your future. Weird when you think about it but planning for our future is not one of those life skills we're taught as kids. We may have been ordered what to occasionally (which schools we're going to etc) but not a lot of skills exist in life to help us identify our inner compass. Without skills to help us regularly assess our direction we can be left all of a sudden waking up one day to the question 'How did I get here?'

I've found energy to be a major player when it comes to any significant life changes. If the energy's not there for each challenge we face, such challenges can become stressors which hold the potential to drain us even further. Alcohol definitely slows the metabolism.

I have my own addiction by the way - cigarettes. I know I should be quitting but just can't seem to kick the habit. I'm far from perfect yet working on perfecting life everywhere I can. Hoping this strategy will lead me to the path of giving up the smokes. What initially led me to significantly cut down on drinking definitely was an energy factor. Once my energy levels shifted through various strategies, I didn't have room for that which was going to slow me down. By the way, the sudden energy shift happened at the end of my 15 year battle with depression.

There are a lot of factors which do shift our energy. Having a surrogate mind when it comes to motivation can be a handy thing, such as a life coach or someone of that nature. Finding someone who's expert in shifting energy quite strategically and teaching new life skills could be the key.

By the way, 'Positive Psychology' might be a form of counseling that suits you much better. It focuses largely on skill development in getting to know our self and our strengths.

🙂

[hob2]

most find out that drinks dont really help

try that to start, meebee u see yourself & where youre at better?