Newbie | Introduction, I guess? Struggling with depression

[Val_da_man]

Well, hello. New here.

Name's Val. I've never posted on a forum before, so here goes nothing.

I am struggling to cope with what was diagnosed as depression. I can't say I'm 100% sure what is really wrong with me, but it's a start.
Lately, I've been feeling like my mind has been less aligned with reality, and more with my escapist dream world. Here's the thing, I used to see a professional, but a 2 month trip to another country cut me off from help, and I fear my family's reaction to me asking to go back, so I've been trying to sit it out. I feel like I've flatlined, mentally. It's hard to voice it all clearly, but I just feel chillingly alone nowadays. I have two friends irl, but I spend so little time with them (gee I wonder why!) and it gets to me.
One side effect of my daydreaming and not speaking to real people for weeks on end is that I feel tired. Constantly. I know some may say "talk to your family" but the idea of that is so... uncomfortable. They're not the greatest people, so to speak. I'd rather not.
I'm kinda on a tangent here, so.

Concluding: I am a teenager who doesn't have a goal or future. Seeking help (including hormone treatment) is out of the picture as well.

Hope I'm not too awkward. Please tell me how I can stop hating myself haha

[missep123]

Hi Val and welcome to the forums!

First of all I'd like to say that I am really glad that you've reached out, it sounds like you have been going through a challenging and isolating time.

May I ask, when did you get diagnosed with depression?

I can understand that daydreaming and not speaking to real people for a long time can make you feel tired. When I daydream even for a short while I feel as though my brain has gone through a workout.

These friends that you have mentioned, I read that you haven't spent much time with them but as an alternative to opening up to your family, would they be an option to speak to about what you are going through?

When I was reading your post it reminded me of behavioural activation. You may have heard of it but it is basically scheduling in activities for example, talking to your friend on the phone or planning a time to see them. When we are depressed the last thing we can tend to want to do is to see people but seeing someone you enjoy spending time with or doing something you enjoy doing can actually help to boost our energy. When I am feeling low I really do notice that I lose a lot of my energy and I don't find pleasure in the things that I enjoyed before. When I try to take a step-by-step approach and try the things I enjoyed doing before it can actually make me feel a little bit better.

Please keep us updated. I'm here for you!

[Val_da_man]

As far as I can recall I was diagnosed about a year ago. Though, honestly, it feels like an eternity since the symptoms began, especially because of the reason I was even given the chance to go to therapy 😞
About my friends, well. I feel like I weigh down on them since they're dealing with some issues as well.

Thank you for being quite receptive, not really used to that.

[smallwolf]

Hi and welcome to beyond blue.

Can I start by asking you how long you were getting professional help for before? You might have gotten a few tips and tricks to help you through these times?

Before I go on... you are not awkward! Perhaps challenged at this time.

One thing you could do is get onto and have a chat with the folk at Kids Helpline. Their web site is - https://kidshelpline.com.au/ and contact number is 1800 55 1800.

On not having a future of goal... While you said you were a teen, and guessing while at the older end, there would the lots of people in similar positions to you. Either when going to Uni found out the course was what they thought it was and changed, quit or something else. I feel into computing which is what I do for work.

One thing that I can say, and it sounds like you don't really like talking to your friends and family about how you are feeling so you keep it inside you. For myself that was very unhelpful and being able to speak to someone was then very helpful. (I was working from home for too many years with little social interaction - I would do software development.)

Just jumping back to your "goals"... what sort of things do to you like doing?

Tim

[Val_da_man]

Thanks for replying 🙂

I like drawing quite a bit. It's not something I'd ever make my career, but creating for myself and others is something I can say I enjoy somewhat. I burn out easy though.
I enjoy science, chemistry specifically. I just feel like I'm forcing myself into some sort of future, and I'm not sure if it's one I really want.
Honestly, going on a forum has been the most nerve-wracking thing I've done in a while, even though I am technically anonymous.

[missep123]

Hi Val,

How do you feel since you have posted on the forums? I see that you mentioned it to be the most nerve-wracking thing you've done in a while. I'm really glad that you did post to see that we are non-judgemental and supportive of you. I think a lot of people can also relate to what you're going through.

Some of my friends previously didn't want to tell me what they were going through as they feared they would weigh me down, but then I emphasised to them that as a friend we're here to support each other and that's what friends are for! I really felt as though it brought us closer by me being able to be there for them.

It sounds like you have a lot of interests! I wish I could like chemistry but if found it so hard in high school! Do you have any other hobbies?

Here for you!

[BeagleMona]

Hi Val,

Yes, it is so hard to not hate yourself in such challenging situations. Although I haven’t been diagnosed with depression, I also feel that I really dislike myself everyday, also daydreaming of a world that is free from the misery of the world. But I believe that there is a way out, and someday you will make many meaningful friends. I stick to that hope as it’s good to start to believe in something that you desire before it can become a reality! I sincerely hope you are well and take care of yourself as mich as possible. Your not alone. Hope this helps!