Newbie and feeling lost and low

[Try2bhappy]

Hi! Taking the big step to post here and feeling I don't know how to express my current feelings.

Lost, sad, frightened, anxious - struggling to keep up the front of coping. On the outside I've got it together, but inside I'm exhausted - it's taking so much from me.

Workplace stress - bullying, pressure, expectations of me to be the 'perfect, confident person' My workplace is under serious pressure - huge numbers of staff on stress leave. Those left battling to keep it going - and I am too afraid for people to see I'm not coping. Or to be labelled and the stigma of being "one of those" - despite the fact many cases of stress staff leave cases are genuine. I need to work but going each day is exhausting me, I'm a senior manager with a very good work history of 'pulling of the unachievable' I know I'm liked and staff look up to me but I'm crumbling 😞

[geoff]

Good morning Try2bhappy, the thought of disappointing those who look up to you is frightening, and pretending to be happy can not last forever, there has to be some breaking point.
If so many of the staff are on sick leave due to the pressure and stress it must be difficult for you to try and hold the peace and keep these people from going on leave, even though you know exactly how they feel, and actually feel the same way.
The respect they have for you is something to be very proud of, unfortunately it's not strong enough for you to try and prop them up when you are feeling the same way, and it will be impossible for you to keep pretending, because the more you do this, the higher you will fall.
I don't know the circumstances of what type of work the company entails, but it certainly doesn't help the staff in how they can do their job, as many are on leave.
Perhaps you could suggest that the company employs a psychologist to give the group a chance to air their problems, maybe they won't want to do this for obvious reasons.
It doesn't matter whether or not you are a senior manager, when a situation arrives at a breaking point then you need to look after yourself, whether that's counselling on your own while still working or taking time off on sick leave.
The other alternative is to confront the hierarchy and explain to them what's been going on, but at the moment you may not be strong enough to do this, and if this is how you feel, then you need time off, don't fall when that ladder is higher. Geoff.

[Try2bhappy]

Thanks Geoff, reading your post - I know what I have to do but am frightened. We had a workplace physiologist brought to the organisation 12 months ago - the culture is just so toxic that I feel the workplace stress has affected them too (now also on leave.) I'm hoping to get some sleep tonight - I'm on SSI band have found these helpful with my anxiety. Tomorrow I am going to a yoga class and then might spend some time reading a few forums. I hope by sharing my experience there may be some little thing that I share or do that helps even one person.

[Pasha1234]

I hear you. I recently broke down at work (I also lead a team of people) and I must say my team have been fantastic since... as has my own boss.

i wish all workplaces could be as understanding and amazing (note my bosses boss popped into my office on Friday to just check in)

but I am very lucky in this regard, maybe it's time to float a mental health awareness week, you can get in touch with RUOK team and they can provide posters ect

please don't feel alone we are all here for you!

please don't be afraid of breaking your perfect record with your team, here are some messages from my own team after I lost it they give me strength and I can only pray your team are as understanding

"Anytime, sorry I was tired today and not very helpful in the talking aspect haha.
I know you well enough to know when its all too much. (Bath bomb was a long time coming)). Imay not know ***** and ***** well enough but I do know when things have been handled poorly by them. You have taken on so much in the last two months that doesn't go unnoticed and you should be so proud of all you've achieved pretty much on your own. We will always support you and what you do for us is incredible.

So you "lost your shit" or "stuffed up". I'd be worried if you didn't ! What's done is done and we back you 100% whatever happens happens 😛 be proud of what you have achieved and don't apologise for it no matter how bad it was haha ohwell.
..."

Hey ***** I just want to say I am rooting for you girl and Luv ya guts and so so hope you are ok. You are one of the finest bosses I have worked with...and thats saying something over my 40yrs of working history!! Please take these two days and pamper yourself sick with kindness. ❤️❤️❤️😘 "

"Look after yourself. Treat yourself kindly and don't be hasty. 😊"