New to this and new support

[Leash01]

Hi everyone new to this, after some help and support of people dealing with anxiety and depression. I have times through the month that I really struggle with everything and feeling very low. I am married, two kids and working full time. I believe it’s a lot of over thinking of things and I had a pretty turomatic childhood. Currently also seeing a great councillor.

[Croix]

Dear Leash01~

Welcome here to the Forum, it's a friendly place where you will find many who are or have been in the same boat as you.

I'd have to say being a mum and having two kids plus working full time can be an awful lot to handle. Having anxiety and depression on top I think you are amazing to keep on going. Do you mind if I ask what sort of support you have? When my wife was working we only had one child and it would have been very hard to cope (we were both on shift work) except she had her mum around a lot of the time. It really did make a huge difference.

I'm glad you have a councilor and get on well, the rapport and trust is something I've always found essential.

Do you have anyone in your life to talk with, tell them what you are going though? It does lighten the load if someone understands, or at least cares. My partner lends me perspective as well as love.

Like many with anxiety I overthink things too, think the worst and have the mind go round in circles. I've a couple of ways to try to cut this out. The first is whenever I realize I'm doing it I try to do something involving movement or exercise. I find going for a walk outside away from where I had been is good. Also use a free smartphone app called Smiling Mind. It takes practice but is worth it, certainly helps me break an ongoing chain of thought.

I'm sorry your childhood was traumatic, many here will understand what that is like and the long shadow such matters cast over life room then on.

I do hope you come to look on this place as somewhere you can come to and talk anytime

Croix

[geoff]

Hello Leash01, a warm welcome to you.

These particular times must be very disconcerting for you because working full time and raising a family is never an easy feat as everyday something else happens where you have to try and handle it, some days aren't that difficult but other days it feels as though you're carrying the world on your shoulders.

Your traumatic childhood memories are brought back by fears of what's happening now, so that's a real worry and perhaps you are suffering from PTSD, although I'm not qualified to diagnose you, that's up to your doctor.

If you have had problems caused by other people as a child you shouldn't have to remain a victim as an adult, but this means you will need to have some training or counselling to overcome these thoughts.

It would be interesting to know what sort of effect it has on the rest of the family.

Best wishes.

Geoff.

[Leash01]

Hi thanks for your replay,

my husband is fantastic and supports me a lot. He also reads a lot into it all as well to try help support me as much as possible. I do childcare as a job running the babies room so a lot of paper work. I do love my job and seeing the babies everyday and having them hug and smile at u. My mother left when I was 2 1/2 so my dad raised both me and my brother his 18 months older then me so my councillor I have began to open up to her more now, and she believes this is all because of the things my mother use to do telling me I am not good enough and always favour my brother. I am very close with my dad but also feel disappointed to tell him how I feel. I have tried over years to talk with my mother and she wants nothing to do with me but for some reason the councillor said I always try for that mother bond that I won’t get. I have maybe 1 friend that I talk to but she is sometimes just not instead. I have found out through the councillor the reason I don’t trust people is because every female has broken trust in me. Which makes it hard because I work with all females. So if my boss says something and I feel a bit funny, bam their goes the anxiety and feeling like crap. i am trying so hard to read positive memes and just trying anything. Tried medication and had serve anxiety attacks which I don’t have when on any so staying away from them now. My husband can bring me straight back down if I am freaking out. I wish I could just put him in my pockets for work lol.

[Leash01]

Hi their,

thanks for the reply. Yes I have only recently found out through my councillor that I do suffer from PTSD. And OCD as well because of it. I find it very hard to trust any females in my life as my mother damaged a lot of my childhood and still effects me now. She left me and my brother choosing drugs and alcohol. My dad is fantastic and am trying so hard to let him in a lot more. My husband is fantastic at supporting me as well and really try’s anything. I have tried medication to help but bad reaction to them so staying away from all that now. It feels a lot like people are disappointed in me. But work, my boys and husband and of course my dad are so supportive and check on me so much. Because of my mother leaving at 2 1/2 I have not been able to trust females or any female into my life which makes hard consider I work in child care with all females. I hate Monday’s and thinking about what has to come. If I feel like I am not good enough then bam I think everyone at work hates me. And the boss if it’s a simple thing that she hasn’t said good morning I feel I have done something wrong then the rest of the day I avoid her or also get my self that worked I will be back at forwards from the toilet for the day. My mother does not care one bit for what she had caused me in my life. She has always told me how I am useless and no good. My brother got everything he ever wanted. I always had wishes as a child that I found out she wasn’t mine. Dad has always protected us as kids but I seen a lot of things from her that I probably should not of as a child.

[Croix]

Dear Leash01~

I'm really pleased you came back and talked some more, it can be very difficult to do. In fact even sorting things out so they seem to make sense can be pretty taxing.

I can relate to your wishing your mother was someone else. I found my parents did not care in a big way, though I was much older than you, and have often really hoped I'd not inherited their traits.

Your husband sounds lovely, and while you may not be able to put him in your pocket for emergencies, perhaps a photo in your purse or on your phone might help, maybe you already have one? Having your dad too plus your boys is really a blessing.

I can imagine it would have been very hard for your dad bringing you up. Do you think he is as affected by it as you?

I can also relate to overthinking about your boss or others actions, I've found that most often it was nothing to do with me, or their feelings towards me, but at the time that has not been much help. Often I've struck up a conversation just so I'd know if there was a problem.

I guess for me overcoming these sort of doubts and the associated mental preoccupations has been done indirectly. True I can take the actions I mentioned before to calm a particular incident, but it has been an overall lessening of anxiety that has really helped. I've PTSD, anxiety and bouts of depression and have been getting treatment for a long time. While unlike you I've been able to take meds, most over the years have not been that helpful. It is only recently I came across a regime that worked.

It has been time, plus therapy plus lifestyle that have made the big differences. As you can imagine lifestyle is - as much as it can be in a busy life - exercise, nutrition, relaxing sleep and avoiding whatever triggers and stresses you can.

I've also found it very important to have a time each day to do something to get your mind away from the hassles of everyday life. I use books, movies and being with my partner and pets. It gives you something to look forward too each morning. Are there things you can use? Particularly on a Sunday night and Monday afternoon?

If you look at:

Forums / Anxiety / SELF HELP TIPS FOR MANAGING ANXIETY

You will see what a lot of people have found helpful, I've found some of it very useful indeed.

I hope to talk with you again

Croix

[Leash01]

Yes I can relate to this. I really enjoy a good cuddle and snuggle with the husband at night. I think I might try the photo that may really help. I have had days that I have struggled so I have put his after shave on my wrist to help if I needed through the day.

[geoff]

Hello Leash01, from what you have told us it's understandable why OCD developed, and I say this because I've had it for 58 years and it's possible that some circumstances like this can cause this illness, this, unfortunately, changes how we think.

A daughter needs her mother’s love they are supposed to love you without condition and when this doesn't happen the voice in your head is telling you that you aren't a beautiful, loving, or caring person and because of this, problems will begin with keeping female friendships, due to issues of trust.

This will make it hard for you to find any loving and/or supportive relationships you have been wanting, but what you have to do is try and change your mindset, in other words, if the boss doesn't say good morning they may have had a difficult time, it's not a reflection on how they feel about you, that's definitely an OCD thought that develops into a habit.

You have your sons, husband and your dad who support you, and your mum is non-existent now, don't let this obsession continue, as it's easy to replace one obsession with another.

I say this because at one house I had my particular habits/rituals but once I moved these stopped and started with something else, I also take medication aimed for depression and OCD, so visit your GP and ask them about the mental health plan, this entitles you to 10 free sessions with a psychologist.

I'd be interested in hearing back from you.

Geoff.

[Leash01]

Hi Geoff,

yes 100% I understand what your saying and it so makes sense. My husband has surprised us with a holiday to the Great Barrier Reef we leave next weekend the 7th July so excited. I am hoping this really changes my mind set and can help me in a sense re start happy again. I have Hurd of cognitive therapy so I was thinking of maybe giving that a shot as they Train u to re think with your mind set. The boss said that she is gonna keep me busy so that my mind set a always going and no time to think negative. She sent me such a nice message last night telling me that I am gonna shine and she is there to help me through it all. She has also no put me into some more development courses with work so that it can keep my busy 😀 it’s good but I just hope that it stays like that. Had a really good weekend this weekend and trying to stay positive for the week ahead thinking of new beginnings and new challenges to over come.

[Croix]

Dear Leash01~

That is all excellent news, not just the holiday or being kept busy ate work but much more importantly the fact your husband and your boss both are there for you. Long after the next few weeks is over you will be able to look back on that with a secure and happy feeling. Love and kindness have a strength all their own.

A lot of people have had CBT and benefited greatly.While it is of course an individual thing I think it is a pretty good step to take.

Croix