New to the beyond blue community!

[alicia8]

Hey,

I guess ill start by telling you a bit about myself.. Mid 20s, female, sufferer of mental instability for as long as I can remember. I've had learning difficulties growing up, where my developmental milestones were delayed. Plus having a twin sister who did not experience the same disadvantages as myself, who I was then always compared against and Iv never felt like I was good enough. Fast forward to now and I'm living alone, in another country, studying a post graduate degree! Never once in my life, I thought I'd get to this point and I am very proud of myself.

Unfortunately about 2 years ago, I had what felt like a mental breakdown and thought there was something serious wrong with me. I was in contact with a great doctor and he ruled out every possible organic reason for my illness and behavior. It was then that he decided to explore the path of a mental disorder. I was diagnosed with GAD, panic attacks, social anxiety, agoraphobia and depression. I can remember my lowest point with dealing with this disorder and it was the worst time of my life, i wouldn't wish anyone to experience how low and sad you can get. I tried antidepressants- weren't for me. Did CBT for 2 years and it did help, however, there are times (like now) where i feel very alone, sad and unmotivated. This is not useful when trying to do assignments for uni! I feel like i annoy my friends and family when i talk to them about how i'm feeling so I thought id give this a go and join, what seems like a very supportive community of like-minded people.

A

[Airies]

Hi Alicia8,

welcome to the BB community.You will find this a very supportive community 24/7. You are not alone here.

cheers Len

[Kazzl]

Hi Alicia, welcome to the forum! Len's right, you're never alone here and you can talk about how you're feeling any time. We've all been through very dark days in our own ways.

I can understand how hard it must be feeling sad and umotivated when you're studying. Makes it hard to focus and concentrate. A large part of my job involves writing and I find when I'm down the words just don't flow.

Is there anything in particular contributing to your feelings at the moment?

You have done very well with your studies - you have every reason to be proud of yourself! What's your post grad degree?

Keep chatting to us hun, there's lots of great people here. We have a young people's board too if you want to find others your age - quite a number of uni students there.

Hope to talk again soon

Kaz

[Guest_322]

Hi Alicia,

A very warm welcome 😊

Congratulations on completing your undergrad degree & your admittance to postgrad! You have every reason to feel proud. It's a huge achievement!

The past 2 years must have been very distressing for you. But I think you deserve credit for reaching out and getting help.

I get those feelings of loneliness, lack of motivation and sadness too; it's like a dark cloud hovering overhead. So if it helps- even in the tiniest way- there are definitely people here who can relate and get where you're coming from.

I'm at uni too (but undergrad) so I get that sometimes motivation can be an issue. It sucks when that happens.

I hope we hear from you again.

Dottie

[geoff]

hello Alicia, great for you to post a comment and welcome to the site just as the others have mentioned as well.
It's not an easy decision whether you want to post a comment or whether you might feel exposed to criticism but that never happens here on this site.
I can totally relate to being a twin and unfortunately you are the one that cops all of these issues that come from depression, because I'm a twin and I am the one where everything has gone wrong, never the less I'm pleased that my twin hasn't had to cope with them all himself, however this doesn't help you with your comment.
I want to congratulate you on getting to the point where you are studying a post graduate degree while struggling with all these mental disorders, because it's certainly not easy and I'm sure there were times when you had to force yourself to continue on, and that's a great achievement by you.
Your friends and family aren't interested in knowing how you feel, because they are comparing you to your sister, well there shouldn't be any comparison, because don't forget that you have got to where you are, but carrying all of this extra weight on your shoulders, so that's a mammoth task to achieve.
You are what you are, just as your twin sister is, but even twins, like you and I have, go onto another path in their career, different to what you or I would want to go down without having to suffer from any disorders.
They can only see what our life is like by seeing us, and by what we tell them, but that's not how we actually feel, so they have to try and understand, but if they haven't had depression themselves then they don't really understand.
Hope to hear back from you. Geoff. x