New to Beyond Blue Website

Tricha · ‎19-10-2020

I have been through the worst time in my life.

1 Suffered Major Depression/Anxiety/Panic Attacks 40yrs +++ suffered from child abuse, Parents wanted a boy so everything I did wasn't good enough.

2 Domestic Violence 30yrs+ ex constantly abused me emotionally and sometimes physically.

3 Ex is a Narcissist and has turned our adult children against me saying I have made up all the allegations, and they have blocked me.

4 Ex has turned 90% of our friends against me, ex is telling lies and I have no way of defending myself because I'm blocked.

5 Moved to a place so my ex could be close to his brother. House needed renos and was bullied by his family and so I never got the things that we agreed on before the move.

6 Have had medical issues +++, needed back surgery and ex asked the surgeon "how soon after the operation can she clean house". He thought it was a joke and said 4 days. After the operation ex kept on saying 4 days over and over. I need another operation for the same condition, this time symptoms are worse and I don't have any support to help me post op. I have severe osteoarthritis/porosis throughout my body and am in severe pain and on high strength pain meds. Ex told everyone I was a drug addict and mentally disabled. He used to stand at the gate and yell this so all the neighbours could hear.

Nearly 2 years ago ex threatened to shoot me, I called Police. Ex told everyone that I was lying, Police knew I was telling the truth. Ex even got the local GP on side, when I saw her, she told me that ex had never owned a registered gun. I said no, he has 3 unregistered guns.

My birthday had always been forgotten as a child, my sister's b'day is 2 weeks before and parent's wedding anniversary 1 day after. Ex's family have lots of b'days in same month & M-in-law made Cake put everyone's names on top except mine. Ex's brother's 50th was on my b'day & M-in-law said it's not my party, I went home (I'd lost my Mum 8 days before), my 60th I got a pat on the back from ex, nothing else. He sent a mate a text & card with Scratchies, but I got nothing.

I feel very very lonely and a bit selfish because of everything that is going on in the world and I'm complaining about myself. I just want to be happy, I need my 2 kids to talk to me and I want the rest of my life to be content.

From someone who is very lonely and unhappy.

sunnyl20 · ‎19-10-2020

Hi Tricha,

Thank you for having the courage to post. I am so sorry about what you have experienced & what you continue to go through. I cannot imagine how difficult, traumatic & exhausting this all must have been. Please know that you are not being selfish at all - you are clearly hurting a lot, what you have been through sounds horrific & I imagine that hurt has only been worsened by the actions of the people around you who have turned against you because of your ex. Loneliness can be so painful. Is there anyone in your life that you feel able to talk to or turn to for support? Have you ever sought help from a counsellor or psychologist & would this be something you may be open to?

Please feel free to share more & reach out. I am sorry you are feeling so alone - I know it is not the same as face-to-face but please know that we are here to listen & talk when you need. Take care Tricha.

Sophie_M · ‎19-10-2020

Hi Tricha,

A warm welcome to our forums. As sunnyl20 said, it sounds like that you have experienced some really awful and traumatising things, and that right now it must especially hard because of how lonely you feel, as well.

Building up a new life and support network after leaving an abusive relationship is incredibly difficult, especially when we are still dealing with the many after-effects of that abuse. I'm glad that you have reached out to our forums today to talk a bit about what has been going on, and I hope that you will continue to be able to find other ways to find support so that you start feeling more content in the future.

Please know that we will do what we can do offer support here, and that you can always speak to someone on our 24/7 Support Service at 1300 22 4636, as well.