New member needing help

[kittycat2]

Hi im very new this and have not been to see a doctor or any help as yet. Ive been through alot over the last 30 years and now Im at a point where I am just not coping. After reading about depression I believe that this is what is happening (or admitting) to me. To cut a long story short, Im 50 in a few months. When I was 23 I went into early menopause causing 9 years of infertility the upside I have a beautiful daughter, i was diagnosed with hashimotis thyroiditis hypothyroidism, my husband I worked with was difficult we were together for 23 years, mum died 2003, my 3 elderly cats died and my cockatoo Id had for 43 yrs died too, my divorce was a long 4 year Battle 07 -2011 and now share care 50/50 with a difficult ex, my dad died 2013, my close aunt died, my siblings arent close anymore since my parents died. I was always saving my older sister but 2 years ago I just didnt have the energy to help her anymore and I've lost contact with her now from talking everyday to nothing we were very close. Feeling exhausted in 2014 I left my full time job and sold my house I owned. Im trying to run my business and because Im exhausted Ive been diagnosed with adrenal fatigue. Although MY holistic GP changed my diet which has helped me physically my mind and mood is no better. I hybernate at home, dont find happiness In anything any more. I used to be so energetic and full of enthusiasm but now I dont care and waste my days on the lounge. Ive not been to the beach for 10 years and its 5 mins from my house. The only thing that I love is travel but I cant always do that I have work and responsibilities. I feel trapped, I hate where I live but I have to stay as my daughter has 3 years till end of yr 12 to go. Yesterday I had a melt down, I upset my daughter cause I said Id be better off dead, although Id not do anything to myself, I know its not right to say this. But I just dont know how to keep going and as Ive no one to help me or support me or talk too. I do have friends but they arent close and the image I portray is a successful independent woman, I dont show any weakness. I just feel I cant cope with life as it is any more Im struggling to do the simplest of house work or cook. Im caught in a vicious circle - Im to tired to work full-time but Im sabotaging my own business and financially going backwards. I know I have to do something but what.. thanks for listening

[Jugglin_Strugglin]

HI Tracy,

Try and do the basics. It isn't easy, but keep making yourself do what you have to. Then later in the day, you can think back and feel a bit good about yourself. Then you can let yourself relax and have time out without feeling guilty about it, because you have achieved something for the day. And while you are busy, there is less time to overthink, so really it is a break from the dark, which can be a relief in itself.

You can do it. You probably don't want to, but if you give in to the negative thoughts, things won't improve.

Lee x

[JimmiD]

Hey Kittycat

Let me start with a big HUG

and another HUG

and yet another HUG

Kitty if I may say: you are everything you need.

Now, you have a lot on your plate and You know that it wont be resolved overnight. That's very wise. Wisdom gained from 50years of living!

There is very fertile soil around you. And its the mud of daily living that feeds the roots of the spiritual flower. Maybe its that you are the tip of the new plant just emerging from the mud. Wow! Take your first look around Kittyplant . . .its a whole new world! Lots of light from the sun. Softer light from the moon. Stars untold twinkling at you. Clouds that colour your sky. What new flower are you going to produce? Its exciting!

Today really is the first day of the rest of your life.

Grow and bloom!

Jimmi

[kittycat2]

In the last few days I've learnt so much and the support I've received has helped alot. I got a few good ideas to follow and will start in the morning with a better plan. I never knew or realised what ive been going through all these years.

[kittycat2]

Hi thanks so much for your kind and inspiring words. i Love gardening and i think i will think about what you said when i do some weeding on the weekend. Ive been putting it off but i think I've set a goal thanks a bunch.

[JimmiD]

Hey Kitty

There is nothing better than getting some good dirt on your hands in the garden. That is so 'earthing' and I thinks its a perfect goal. I can almost smell the soil now...mmmmmm....mmmmmm!

Weeding is such a good activity. Its very symbolic if you think of it. Getting down into the business of maintenance. Removing the unwanted weeds that tend to choke or restrict the plants that will produce what you want. Beautifying your garden. Its very akin to clearing up your mind and thoughts.

And it gives you a great opportunity to relax and focus on something very simple in the present moment...in the 'now'.

Please tell us about your gardening adventure some time soon.

Hmmmm . . .I have a few weeds to pull out myself!

Jimmi

[MarkJT]

Kittycat, fantastic that you are now aware of how much support there is for you. That is really important and to know that you are not alone is even more important.

When i start to get overwhelmed at work, i stop what i am doing, practice some mindfulness, reset, look at my desk and see what is most important and only concentrate on that one thing. Nothing else - block it out. Do one thing at a time and once that is done, move onto the next.

Not an easy skill to do but over time, the more you practice it, the easier it gets.

Give it a go!

Fair call to wait for your usual psych. Keeps continuity of your treatment.

Mark.

[kittycat2]

Hi Mark, I just wanted to let you know that I have been using the smiling mind app and have found it helpful especially when my mind wanders to thoughts I don't want, I use the breathing exercises to distract my mind. Its also helped me to stay focused on some the tasks that I need to do for my business. I find it good to listen to when falling asleep too. Thanks

[kittycat2]

Hi Mark,

I agree it is hard to not get overwhelmed when I have so much to do, so I will try the mindfullness. I find having so many things to do, house stuff and business stuff, I've had to just give up on some things, and get to them when I can, and I have to put most of my focus on working cause its the income, rest is my next priority otherwise I cant work. Is it normal to have these up and down emotional weeks, some times the down times are numbing and deadening and can take a few days to be up again. Thanks Tracy

[MarkJT]

Kittykaty, fantastic to hear that the app is working well for you. Keep going with it and your mindfulness skills will continue to develop.

When you are getting overwhelmed because you have so much to do, when you get up of a morning, make a list. Work out what is most important and put them as priority.

I do this a fair bit at work. Sit back look at what is in front of me and only concentrate on what i need to do now, get that done and then move onto the next.

If we sit there and think about how much we have to do in a day = overwhelmed. Break it down into pieces and then it is not so overwhelming.

It is absolutely normal to have up and down weeks, sometimes days, sometimes hours. There are so many factors that go into this and just sometimes you are having a down week just because. No particular cause, just is.

Rest....spot on. You need rest and "you" time. This can be hard to find but it is these moments that we re-charge the most, well i do anyway. I love my morning run or ride as it is just me and my music and nothing else. If work floats into the mind, i put it aside. It's me time!

Mark.

Mark.

[kittycat2]

Hi Mark

​just wanted to let you know that I went to my Dr today and had a chat about hiw im feeling. She was very kind and has worked out a mental health plan and referred me to a psychologist who is also part of the holistic medical centre I go to. today was exhausting talking about it all but feel I'm on the write track. I see the psychologist on April 3rd. Thanks again too.