New Member - Hoping to feel better

[C-marie]

I'm new to the site. I'm not even sure where to start.

I have depression and anxiety. I know it's all due to trauma in my childhood due to abuse but I'm finding it's starting to affect my everyday life, my children and my partner.

I try to stay happy for the sake of everyone else but it's so hard.

I've tried several times in my past to get counselling but get scared off after the first few times and stop going. 

I have started to notice my social isolation and not wanting to mix with people in fear that people are talking about me. I have zero self esteem and no self confidence whatsoever. 

The only place I feel worthwhile is at work. I'm thankful I work full-time otherwise I'd feel hopeless.

I'm so embarrassed and ashamed to admit to anyone I feel like this as I would feel a failure. Does anyone else feel like this?

I have angry outbursts every now and again.  I put a mask on when I deal with people and feel so insecure around those closest to me.

I need you fix this before it affects those closest to me. 

I even get jealous of people who are happy.

All I want is to feel secure and happy.  I don't trust anyone and I want this to change.

[ci]

Hi c-Marie 

You are not alone so many people feel like this me included. 

It can be so hard to admit to people you feel like this and unfortunately sometimes the professionals can scare us off.

Please don't feel discouraged I  think you should try again I've seen a few different people the past year trying to find someone that fits with me everyone has different style and you need to feel comfortable or it won't help. 

I seen a new lady last week told her a few of my experiences and she actually said to me well done for not giving up so many people don't realize you can try as many phycologist as you need until you find one that helps.

I was so ashamed still am to some degree but pushing past that and getting help is my only option. Things just kept getting worse for me finally had glimpse of hope the last few weeks after lots of therapy. 

please try again to see your doctor and ask for help it's worth it.

[C-marie]

Thank you! I will try again. It really is all I can do as I just don't want to feel like this anymore.

I really appreciate the advice and will keep you posted with how things go.

[toastyyy]

Hi C Marie,

I too am new here. I can relate to your situation as I too am in the same boat in terms of having depression and suffering anxiety. I am anti social, I have trust issues and I have no self confidence at all. I hate seeing people happy as I wonder why I can't have it too. its hard to deal with this on a daily basis as I just want to sit in a dark corner and cry. 

At the end of the day we just want to be happy, sometimes i feel like its just completely out of my reach.

Hard to put on a happy carefree face everyday for others when deep down youre feeling the opposite.