New member, going through a tough time in life.

[Shudder]

Hey everyone, my name is Shaun and I'm new here. I've recently fallen into a state of anxiety and sleep deprivation. As of a couple of weeks ago myself and my partner went away to catch up with some of her old friends and during this trip one of her friends started to hit on her. This didn't sit well with me and brought back some issues that I had in the past which I thought I was all done and dusted with. Ever since then I have been extremely anxious about other people hitting on her and that I am going to lose her to someone else. I trust her 100% but I don't not trust the intentions of other people as some people do not have the respect for others relationships.

[MarkJT]

Shaun, first off welcome to the forums - it is a very safe and protective place to seek advice and the thoughts of others that have lived experience with mental health conditions.

In regards to your anxiety, there are a few things you can do to start off with.

You should get to the GP to discuss it. Anxiety can be highly impactful on your life so we need to get you on top of it before it does.

In the meantime, I would like you to download the "Smiling Mind" app. It teaches you mindfulness which is excellent for combating anxiety. It is a learnt skill so please persist with it.

Sleep deprivation may be tied to the anxiety so you need to make sure you are giving yourself the best chance of sleeping. No or as little as caffeine as what you can have is a good start. Your diet is also crucial so try and have that as best you can get it as well. Exercise, critical for mental health so get out for a walk, a run, a swim, a ride....what ever it is. Just get some in.

In regards to others hitting on your partner, unfortunately that is going to be a part of life. There will always be people who will not care if a person is attached, they will still hit on them.

You trust your partner 100% and that is great, as you point out, you cannot trust a lot of other people and that is where my point is. You and your partner are not everyone else.

We need to find a way where you can make yourself less anxious about it and that is where going to the GP and doing mindfulness will come in.

Have you spoken to her about it?

Mark.

[Shudder]

Hey Mark,

I need to find a new gp as I don't like my current one so it may take a little while to get in to see one. I have looked at therapy and such things like that as a bit of preparation for once I've seen a gp.

I have spoken to my partner about how I feel and she understands where I am coming from and understands that I am feeling vulnerable at this point and time. I'm just worried that with how I am feeling I will end up driving her away and leave me. This is the last thing I want so I am really trying hard to get the help that I need.

[MickeyM]

Hi Shudder,

I've had anxiety for quite a few years now. I know I shouldn't be, but am often surprised when I talk to others with anxiety, as it does not discriminate at all, even those who you'll least expect.

A couple of things I'd like to add to Mark's post-your GP should help. I think that deep down we know what we need, whether it's counseling or a break, etc. I've been pleasantly surprised in the past at the amount of support from GP's, even ones I've never seen. I think it's pat of anxiety that we think sometimes that we don't matter, but we do.

Smiling Minds is a great app, plus you can look up podcasts for meditation/mindfulness. You do need to practice it, though, make it part of your day and you'll find that during anxiety, you'll be prepared. (Don't know if I'm allowed to say this, but I really like listening to Tara Brach podcasts, particularly the smile meditation.)

Ive heard that taking deep breaths can pause fight/flight/freeze, if you're struggling with breathing deeply, try focusing of the out breath, rather than the in-breath. My anxiety sometimes causes shallow breathing and if I try to breathe deeply, I can then spiral into anxiety over my anxiety, but if I focus on the outbreath, I do much better.

RE-your girlfriend. I totally understand your concern if she'd leave...feeling inadequate is probably part of anxiety. I am sometimes surprised that my husband is patient and understanding, and I have to remind myself that if he was ill or injured, I'd do the same for him, without a doubt. You would stick by your girlfriend if she were having a hard time over something, it makes sense that she would do the same for you.

Quite a few years ago, one of my husband's friends we met while traveling overseas hit on me (there was a fair bit of alcohol involved), and from a women's perspective, it was awful. I couldn't believe he was hitting on my while our respective spouses were in the same room, it made me sick. Worse was that we were staying with them. I actually didn't tell my husband until after we were through airport security because goodness knows what he'd do! Just wanted to reassure you that from a woman's perspective, it didn't 'boost my self-esteem' or whatever because this jerk hit on me, quite the opposite, I couldn't wait to get out of there.

Good on you for sharing your concerns with your girlfriend, that can't have been easy. Good on you also for reaching out.

Take care & let us know how you get on with the GP

[Shudder]

Hey MickeyM,

thank you for taking the time to read my post and share your thoughts with me.

I hope that I will be able to find a new gp soon and get this ball of making this all manageable and under a certain amount of control. I know there will be days that are worse than others but I'm know with the right support system in place I will get through it all.

[MarkJT]

Shudder, great to read that you are going to the GP and really good to hear that you are going to find a new one as you don't like your current one. That is brilliant as so many people seem to plug away with GP's and clinicians that they don't vibe with.

Great that you have spoken to your partner about it and I think that a lot of the worry you have is tied to your anxiety. I still have a decent amount of anxiety within me but have learnt to control it to a decent extent.

For instance, if someone was late to my house they had been involved in an accident and had died. I didn't think it was a chance, i thought that it had actually happened but of course they would always turn up a cple of minutes later. I still think this but i calm myself and cool down the anxiety and think straighter.

Deep breathing exercises are also really helpful so learn those to help when the anxiety is rising.

Hopefully you can get a GP booking sooner rather than later.

Mark.

[Stu1]

Hi Shudder,

It seems you are taking the right steps to manage this issue. Reaching out to people, be it friends, partner or even a message board on a forum is a great way to start talking about what is troubling you, and maybe help you take the next step to talking to a GP about your issues too. It's intimidating, sure, but the benefits of doing so are tremendous.

I'll just pass on some experience i had when going through CBT with a therapist who taught me that, when you feel an attack coming on take a small breath in and a long breath out. Repeat this for a few minutes and you'll hopefully start to relax. The idea behind this being that an anxiety attack is our bodies reaction to a perceived threat- quickened pulse to get blood to the muscles for fight or flight, sweating to make us slippery and cool us when running, and quickened breath to oxygenate the blood. Unfortunately for us there isn't a physical threat there and we end up in a state where we are ready to run away or fight but unable to do so. So by breathing out more than in we are bringing the body back down to a more normal level. Now, i'm not a doctor, but this definitely helped me and might be worth a go if things get bad.

Good luck mate, just remember there are always people available to talk to, even if it's through a computer screen 🙂

Stu

[Shudder]

Hi Stu,

Thank you for the support you have given in your post. I've spent part of the day looking for a new gp and have narrowed it down with the of my partner. She has made the suggestion of seeing the same gp that she sees as the gp is also specialised in the areas I may need help in.

I am hoping I can book in an appointment very soon to get the process started.

I would like to thank everyone that has posted with kind words of encouragement and understanding and I will keep it up to date with the journey as I go through it.

[MarkJT]

Shudder, i really like the idea of going to your girlfriends and it may well be helpful for the GP if she went as well. She is supporting you through this so include her into everything if you can.

Stu's advice above is really good so read it a few times so you memorise it.

Mark.

[MickeyM]

Hi Shudder

Great to see your looking for another GP. I'm very fortunate in that one that I see is also very experienced in mental health. He is so good to talk to and very patient. I'm not embarrassed at all to make an appointment when my anxiety is red-line and it's not unusual for me to calm down just in his waiting room. Unfortunately, I have heard another story where the GP was not at all supportive when asked for help. Good on you for looking elsewhere, it is worth the effort to find the support you need and deserve.

Remember that most doctors leave a couple of appointments free each day for people who phone in the morning for whatever reason, you might want to try to call first thing.

Good luck!