New member /full time working woman

[Catsandcomics]

Hi all,

​I joined the forum tonight.

​Back story:

​I have suffered from depression and anxiety for a very long time. I lost a parent when I was a child and since his passing I have always battled with my emotions. I have also struggled with my weight which lead to my entire childhood being bullied. In my teens and early adulthood I was suicidal. However I have sorted my life out ALOT in the last several years. I lost 20+ kgs, I'm married and have held down a full time job, - but I struggle with self doubt and self criticism.

​I have a terrible case of imposter sydrome and let my harmful thoughts get to me, dragging my self esteem right down. I will often crave praise and recognition and get jealous when others around me are excelling as I feel I am failing if I'm not the best. When I do get good feedback, I am taken back and will often quickly brush the compliment off, and act as though it was a fake compliment and that people have a strong dislike of me. Issue is I am sarcastic by nature and outspoken and open about my views and opinions,so people see me as someone else when really inside I am crippled by idea that I don't fit in. I have good days, then ok days and then horrible days and I am really influenced by how I feel at work, so when I'm down and feel like a burden I carry it with me home. I wish I could get over this and care less about how I present myself in my professional life and how others think of me. 😞

[white knight]

Hi C and C, welcome

You'll find this site interesting. Just scroll through the sections to read a few threads a day.

you dont mention medication or any therapy. I'd highly recommend you seek such if you arent cared for in that way.

You are taking things seriously which is great and surprisingly, you have a huge amount of insight. You are reflecting. Thats a good sign.

A big part of your personality wont be budged so your best move for that part of you is acceptance. Then you can focus on the things you can change with help starting with your GP.

Google

Topic: accepting yourself the frog and the scorpion- beyondblue

Topic: the best praise you'll ever get- beyondblue

So welcome again.

Tony WK

[geoff]

hello Catsandcomics, welcome to the site and sincere apologies for the loss of your father.
You know I don't think you're much different to other people who are suffering from any type of depression, I know that's how I have felt and I do know it's exactly the same for a couple of other people I have spoken to.
By being bullied sort of forces into believing that you're not good enough, so this carries a lot of weight to reduce your self esteem, and when a detrimenal comment is made, this suddenly puts you at the bottom of the ladder where you feel inferior.
What I have now learnt is that I don't care what anybody says about me, that's their opinion, and it has taken me awhile to understand that what they say could be implausible, it's a decision they have chosen, unfounded or possibly true, either way it doesn't bother me any more.
No one can have days that are always good, we're human, our emotions change to different circumstances, and I don't think that two days can be alike, maybe similar but not identical, the same happens with our family 'friends' and work colleages.
One day you may feel good, high in spirits, next day down in the dumps, but you are what you are, your own personality is what counts, so if you are ignored, then feel as though you are much better than the next person, and anybody who makes a nasty comment about you, it's not you who is having a problem, it's them. Geoff.

[romantic_thi3f]

Hi Catsandcomics,

Welcome to the forums! Thank you for your post.

Before I start I just wanted to say congratulations; I can hear that you've come so far given everything that you've had to deal with. That takes an enormous amount of strength and I can only imagine how much you've battled to get to where you are today.

Ah imposter syndrome. I can very much relate to what you've said and I'm sure many others here can too. I think it's something that we all can struggle with at times; I know for me it was that feeling of not being 'enough'.

I agree with what the others have mentioned and wonder if you'll be open to therapy. This can be a great way to help get the tools to break down some of the beliefs that you have about yourself. The fact that you are recognising some of these things is a great start - like about brushing compliments off and being jealous of others. That is a strength in itself because it can be really hard to identify these things. The next part is to try and counteract that belief; so if you do get good feedback or a good compliment, why is that not true? Where is the evidence for that thought?

Again, if you're feeling like you are not the 'best' - what does that mean; the best? Is someone else 'the best' and not you? Why? These are all thoughts and beliefs and they simply aren't true. The more that you can equip yourself with tools and strategies to question these thoughts and beliefs the easier that can become.

If you are interested, there are also books and apps that can help with this; let me know and I can forward some recommendations through.

[Jessicatherese94]

Hi catsandcomics,

Congratulations on your progress up until now. It's awesome that you were able to grow past that bullying (sorry that you had to experience that) and now have a job and marriage. There are clearly lots of awesome things going on in your life. I really want to remind you that someone else's success is not your failure, we are all on different paths and just because someone is excelling doesn't mean you aren't, and doesn't take away from the progress you have made. I agree with everyone and their thoughts on therapy, that can really help you target some of the thoughts you are having regarding imposter's syndrome. Remember that you are very deserving of any compliment you receive, and if someone compliments you it is more likely that the compliment is true than that they are lying to you. You seem like a great person, I would encourage you to seek professional help in order to help you with your thinking patterns. And a huge welcome to the forum!

[romantic_thi3f]

Hi Catsandcomics,

I just found out today there's an app going free called MoodNotes. I use it myself and it's a great way to track thoughts/beliefs in situations. Just thought I'd let you know.