Feeling limited in life

[whitewinter]

Hi everyone,

New member. Fellow sufferer of anxiety and depression. I have ASD and social anxiety as well. I’m 25 and live at home with my dad. He also has ASD.

To be quite frank, I'm deeply unhappy. I’m fed up with projecting this happy image to people who ask “How are you?”. It's exhausting. I want things to change within myself and my lifestyle. There’s only so much I can do. I’m unemployed, and have had great difficulty finding suitable work. I would love for someone to give me a chance in life without being discriminated against. I recently went for my learner licence as I've been reliant on public transport forever. Still not confident in driving and feeling very discouraged. But I am determined to keep going with it.

I see a psychologist about once a month. This is really the only time I get to air my grievances and check up on my mental health. It’s hard to say if therapy has been beneficial. Anxiety and depression have plagued me for a long time. If I trace back my family history I can see a history of depression and anxiety on both sides.

I don’t have much of a social life. I used to hang with a group of people by regularly going to gatherings, but all they seem to do is hang around pubs drinking and gambling (and posting stupid photos on Facebook). I do have a couple of closer friends but they aren't very understanding when it comes to mental illness so I tend not to talk about it. It's so frustrating when not a soul wants to sit there and talk to you about stuff like this. I want friends I can hang out with on a weekly basis, not once every two months on their terms.

I would honestly just love to find new friends, and maybe even a romantic partner. I yearn for a soul mate/companion. But I’ve come to accept being single. All my romantic relationships failed and over time I grew sick of being disappointed or having my heart broken. My last relationship I ended because my partner was controlling and abusive.

Every day I wake up I’m reminded constantly that I failed in life and this is why I’ve ended up nowhere. Without any real friends, or a romantic partner, bickering with my father. What a life.

I don’t know what is wrong with me. I’m just so over myself. I know I should be grateful for the things I already have in life (and I am). But I still want more. I did not envision my 25 year old self to be in this situation. I thought life was meant to be better than this.

Thanks for reading. I feel a bit better now.

[Tufflife]

Hello white winter. I can relate to what you wrote, so many on here can. U found the right place. Only new here myself. By reading others story's and the fight to not give up, will give u hope. There is so many great people on here, that can help. Just by writing on here, they help with the tools, to help yourself manage though tuff times. From Shane.

[blondguy]

Hi Whitewinter

You have written a good post that will benefit others too. There are many people that read the forums (which is part of why we are here) and those who decide to post

I understand the pain you have been going through. I also have the depression running through the family as well. This is my 21st year with it and medicated.

It does get better. It may not go away but the severity of depression does reduce over time. You have already taken the initiative and had monthly counseling and good on you!

Depression can be better viewed as a physical illness as its partially chemically based anyway.

If you have a good GP they can be a better help than a psychologist sometimes especially if you need someone to bounce off. I still see my GP every month for a 'tune up'

I think you are doing well by saying that you are determined with getting your license.

You are much stronger than you think WW.

Thankyou so much for being a part of the forums

my kindest

Paul