New & just need to let it out

[Real_life]

I am trembling with anxiety as I lay here & think out a loud, but my positive is that I'm here ! I have so many things to think about & become frustrated with myself for not being able to solve them. Today was the day I sent in my resignation to work (childcare)… Six odd years of which only one was for filling. To summarise I was; put down, yelled/sworn at, called stupid, worthless, blamed for things the boss had done wrong to parents, underpaid for all those years, super is at a quarter of what it should be, threatened, physically pushed, discriminated against, pay was cut if I voiced out my opinions because I was "wasting time" etc. This isn't the typical 'I dislike my boss' situation. As you read through this you may have thought as to why I stuck around for such a long period of time, my answer, COMFORT. A dangerous thing in the hands of the wrong person. I made excuses to myself as I was made to feel so little & hopeless as to finding another job let alone another centre. Apart from being put down on a day to day basis, I believed that I was there for the children & the families that put that huge trust in me. Again & again I made excuses to stop myself from being in a venerable position, fear of the unknown. In addition to this, as my boss knew I could work under pressure (& that money sits better in her pocket) I would have some days 6-8 babies with just myself to complete the programming & all their specific routines. Now as most would know, babies are boss & don't wait for your hands to be free. One could need a nappy change as the other needs a bottle or to be cradled to sleep, the other is crying as your late for feeding time etc. This is just the first page of my book, I built up the strength to contact the professionals & time & time again I reach a dead end. Today was the day I unknowingly let go of this burden to my mental & physical health. As my friends & family congratulate me, I start to receive the backlash; What are you going to do now, did you receive all the payments that you are owed, how are you going to pay for living necessities. With this being said the one person I can speak with & can understand me sent me a txt after speaking on the phone... I am so uncomfortable & angry that she feels this way of me &... I think how long has it been this way, why do you blame & state things about me that you are misinterpreting, do you really know me uhh I'm done. Thank you

[P0L0]

Hi Real life,

Welcome to the forums. It takes a lot of courage to reach out.

What that company put you through is unequivocally awful and illegal, and I cannot imagine what you have gone through. But understand that that chapter in your life is over. You are free of that place.

Moreover, you do not need to solve all these problems right now. That is what life is for, for figuring things out over your whole life, not just right now. When I feel stressed about all the things I don't understand and have to do for University work, I try to put it in perspective. I tell myself it's okay, I don't need to get it all right now, I can leave it for tomorrow when I have a clearer head and a better mental state.

In terms of employment, trust yourself that you will find another centre or workplace that you are more passionate about and more comfortable in. It only takes perseverance to find your next job and I believe you have that perseverance!

Also, if you need anyone to talk right away to or if you need support, please contact Beyond Blue Support Service on 1300 22 4636 or on Webchat 3pm-12am AEST at www.beyondblue.org.au/getsupport . There is also Lifeline on 13 11 14 or the Lifeline crisis chat 7pm - 12am at https://www.lifeline.org.au/crisis-chat/ . These support networks have people who understand what it is like to be in your position and are willing to talk with you in a time of crisis.

Best wishes,

P0L0

[M99]

Hi Real life,

Welcome to the beyond blue forums! We are glad to have you here. The situation you are going through seems tough, it seems as though you have just made a recent life-changing decision. For that, I congratulate you on your bravery and courage. It's not always easy to change what is familiar to us. However, I am glad you have made that decision and put your mental and emotional well-being first as the previous job you had to put it the least seems very emotionally and mentally abusive. To have gone that long for 6 years is a lot, I'm glad you have taken the initiative to address your needs.

I understand although now after making such a decision that was vital for your well-being, you are met with a lot of uncertainty and anxiety due to your new situation and need to find a new job, financial security and so on. I can assure you that, that is just the natural and subsequent path that follows after leaving one's current job. Everyone who has left a previous job will have to look for another one. It is not a representation of you or that your decision of leaving was poor, however it is just the representation of the natural processes of leaving a job and then finding a new one. If you are eligible you can apply for the governments jobseeker program in the meantime as you try to find a new job.

If you wish to find a new career you can go on websites like seek and jobsearch to apply for workplaces looking for more workers. There are ample resources for work available, although entry is not guaranteed, increasing the number of applications to jobs will increase your chances of getting one. I believe you chose the right decision and after taking that big step of change, the next steps are finding a more sustainable and healthy work environment. It seems like you are also going through some anxious emotions that have arisen due to this big change, whenever you are feeling overwhelmed, I would like you to take 3 deep inhales/exhales and remind yourself that these emotions and these circumstances are only temporary and that you will get through this.

Take care!

Cheers

[Real_life]

As I read these responses, I realise how I can find reassurance & kind words. Such things that are sometimes hard to find as everything & everyone around moves so quick, not only that but also extremely appreciated from my end. I thank you for your efforts & the time you took out of your day to listen, it means more than you think... Sometimes that's all someone really needs.

[M99]

Hi Real life,

I'm glad that what we said could have some positive impact on you. You're right sometimes a nice word and kind thought is all someone needs, it just made my day to hear that you feel better! I hope as you move forward you try not to be too concerned by what others think about your decisions. Although that is hard, from your messages I am hearing that you feel disappointed in some of the responses of those who are close to you. Just try to understand that some of them may have their best interests for you, however, do not express it well and on the other hand you're right, some of them truly don't understand your situation as much as you do and the choices you have had to make. No one else knows you better than you, as long as you feel like the decision you have made is right, it is. For the sake of your well-being too, you have made a good decision. Now is just taking another step forward.

Although it seems like a new territory and there lies some uncertainty, you have made the biggest move thus far and that is moving forward and deciding you deserve better.

Take care!