New here. Stuck in place.

[Raeth666]

Hi I'm new.

Always decide not to continue when starting to make the account until today.

I'm really not sure if I should waste peoples time with me tbh. I'm mid thirties. Have a job and a wife, its more than a lot have.

I'm just stuck at that, my Job is unfulfilling, and I'm stuck in the same role I've been in for 6 years. I've tried to study to get certifications to get higher, but my ADHD is screwing that up. I'd love to be able to go to a psychiatrist to get put onto stimulant medication as it worked for me when i was younger, but money makes that impossible. I pay almost half my pay on rent, the rest goes to bills and shopping. I make too much for my wife to get unemployment, however she's unable to work, but centrelink doesn't agree. 100% of my fortnightly paycheck is gone by the end of the first week. I've got no wriggle room for saving. So i can't afford to go to a psychiatrist, to get the medication, to help me study to improve my skills and get a certification, to get the higher pay to afford the psychiatrist... see the cycle? All of this has been weighing on me for about 3-4 years, and my mind is at breaking point. I've completely lost my motivation to do anything, and I'm not talented enough to really do any form of side hustle. The thoughts of not wanting to be here anymore are getting louder and louder. Putting on the mask is wearing me thinner and thinner. My wife has severe depression and anxiety, so i can't afford to let the façade slip even for a moment as when I do she zooms in on it, and won't let up. If i do share how down I am, she tries to "fix" it, and when that inevitably fails she's sent into a spiral of depression, and her anxiety flares up to the point she starts hyperventilating due to my father committing suicide 7 years ago.
Add to this I don't feel wanted or respected at all at work plus it's now fulltime remote work, I have 1 single friend who's very busy all the time, a few online friends that are rarely around, my inability to make friends as i generally don't fit into any particular group, and my applying for new jobs has had zero progress...

Basically i Know there's thousands of people in so much worse positions to me, and i don't really feel like I "Qualify" for any real help. I just don't know what to do anymore.

[Raeth666]

Hi Banksy,

My issue isn't getting to a phycologist, there's heaps that bulk bill, but everyone I've ever seen does the same routine, CBT, mindfulness etc and none of it works for me.

I need a full psychiatrist to get a re-diagnosis of ADHD so i can get back on my stimulants to get control of my concentration just to be able to take the first step. It's gotten to the point where I'm trying to ring around to find archives of my old diagnosis of ADHD from when i was a kid to try and get some form of progress.