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New here. Stuck in place.

Raeth666
Community Member

Hi I'm new.

Always decide not to continue when starting to make the account until today.

I'm really not sure if I should waste peoples time with me tbh. I'm mid thirties. Have a job and a wife, its more than a lot have.

I'm just stuck at that, my Job is unfulfilling, and I'm stuck in the same role I've been in for 6 years. I've tried to study to get certifications to get higher, but my ADHD is screwing that up. I'd love to be able to go to a psychiatrist to get put onto stimulant medication as it worked for me when i was younger, but money makes that impossible. I pay almost half my pay on rent, the rest goes to bills and shopping. I make too much for my wife to get unemployment, however she's unable to work, but centrelink doesn't agree. 100% of my fortnightly paycheck is gone by the end of the first week. I've got no wriggle room for saving. So i can't afford to go to a psychiatrist, to get the medication, to help me study to improve my skills and get a certification, to get the higher pay to afford the psychiatrist... see the cycle? All of this has been weighing on me for about 3-4 years, and my mind is at breaking point. I've completely lost my motivation to do anything, and I'm not talented enough to really do any form of side hustle. The thoughts of not wanting to be here anymore are getting louder and louder. Putting on the mask is wearing me thinner and thinner. My wife has severe depression and anxiety, so i can't afford to let the façade slip even for a moment as when I do she zooms in on it, and won't let up. If i do share how down I am, she tries to "fix" it, and when that inevitably fails she's sent into a spiral of depression, and her anxiety flares up to the point she starts hyperventilating due to my father committing suicide 7 years ago.
Add to this I don't feel wanted or respected at all at work plus it's now fulltime remote work, I have 1 single friend who's very busy all the time, a few online friends that are rarely around, my inability to make friends as i generally don't fit into any particular group, and my applying for new jobs has had zero progress...

Basically i Know there's thousands of people in so much worse positions to me, and i don't really feel like I "Qualify" for any real help. I just don't know what to do anymore.

10 Replies 10

Sophie_M
Moderator
Moderator
Dear Raeth666,

It sounds like things have been very rough night and that you have little to no support around you. It’s almost no wonder you're feeling the way you are. It takes a lot of strength to share what’s happening for you and reach out to our online community and we’re glad that you have.
 
We hope that you find our forums to be a safe and supportive space to talk through your thoughts and feelings. Our community is here for you, we trust that our online members will stop by to provide some support. 

We want you to know that there is always additional support available to you, whether it's from our professional mental health counsellors Beyond Blue (available 24/7 on 1300 22 4636) or our friends at Lifeline (13 11 14) or the Suicide Call Back Service (1300 659 467).

We hope that you stay safe but strongly urge you that if you feel like acting on any thoughts of ending your life, then this is an emergency and you should contact 000 immediately.

Hi Sophie,

Thank you for the response and email. It's not so much a tough night, I'd say I had a burst of effort just to make the account. It kind of feels like I've put myself in the position that I've had to be strong for those around me during their tough times, I've made it impossible to be vulnerable lest the idea of their pillar of strength be shattered.

I really don't know what to do going forward. I've spoken to councilors, gone to doctors tried anti-depressant's etc. Nothing seems to work. Meditation, CBT, Mindfullness etc. Just hitting wall after wall after wall.

Went through a period of lifestyle adjustment lost weight, ate healthy, exercised. That only brought a few moments of happiness, but then i was brought straight down due to failing at my own expectations.

I feel useless at work, and can guarantee that if i left the only effect would be annoyance at having to hire a replacement.

I feel like hopelessness is just my destiny at this point in time.

geoff
Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni

Hello Raeth, can we offer you a warm welcome for joining the forums and hear what you are saying.

Can I first say that your doctor can offer you a 'mental health plan', this entitles you to 10 Medicare paid sessions to visit a psychologist a psychiatrist per year, there may be a possibility your doctor can extend this if they feel it's necessary, that's their decision, this may have already happened, so you can please let us know.

Geoff.

Raeth666
Community Member
Sorry it's a bit delayed, I've been very busy. I'm scheduling an appointment with my doctor to find out, but the last time they sent me to a phycologist instead, who basically just went through a script of cbt, mindfulness etc and was completely useless to me. Hopefully my new doctor will be able to help.

Hi Raeth,

No need to apologise for the delayed response. We're here for you when you need us. 

It sounds like you're taking some really great steps. It's good to hear you're scheduling an appointment. If it would help you to think about what you want to get across in your appointment, there's some tips on talking with a health professional here: Having the conversation - know your options

Remember there's always the Beyond Blue counsellors for the moments when you feel like you could really do with talking it through. We're on 1300 22 4636, and you can reach us on webchat here.

Thanks again for sharing and updating us. At some point I'm sure we'll hear back from our amazing community members. In the meantime, do feel free to share a bit more if you feel comfortable. For example, is there anything you think has helped in the past? 

Kind regards, 

Sophie M

Miz
Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni

Hi Raeth666,

I'm sorry to hear you've been going through this - it sounds like a tough time. I think you're already taking all the right steps by trying to see a doctor. Otherwise though have you got anyone else you can talk to socially? You mentioned that one friend, and I know they seem busy, but maybe if you let them know you really need to talk and have someone to lean on at the moment they would be around? I know that sometimes talking to a friend can really lift the weight.

But even if they can't talk, I just want to let you know that we are all here for you and so eager to listen and discuss these things at any time of the day 🙂

Hi Raeth666,

Thanks for reaching out and sorry to hear you've been struggling with so much on your plate. I think the chat with your GP is a great step, if you can explain your history and that you specifically want to see someone who can help medicate you, rather than referring to a psychologist I'm sure they'll be able to share with you some options.

Is your partner open to seeing a psychologist or speaking to a doctor as well? As geoff mentioned, there are definitely ways to seek help for zero cost, which really takes the pressure off.

Been a while due to holidays and I've been waiting to get an appointment. I've just gotten a call from the psychiatrist and it turns out the doctor i saw has straight up Lied to me. He told me he would have them bulk bill me, and they've said they don't. They then proceeded to call him to clarify where he said there was a misunderstanding! His EXACT words to me were "Don't worry, I'll get them to bulk bill you." I can't even trust doctors now... I just can't.. I don't know.

That would be so frustrating, Raeth666 - I feel your pain. But please don't let it put you off the system.

You can always find your own bulk-billing provider by looking online and then ask the GP to send them through your mental health care plan.

The Health Direct site is a great help, you can search for mental health specialist in your area, and filter the results to only show bulk billing clinics. Then just call around and see who can fit you in and once you're booked ring your GP and ask reception to forward the paperwork of the plan. (I assume your GP made you a mental health care plan if they were able to refer you to a psych?) If not then just make sure you also see your doc for a double appointment before you see the psych to get one made up. They need more than a single session slot for enough time for the consultation.

https://www.healthdirect.gov.au/australian-health-services

This is another option too:

https://psychology.org.au/find-a-psychologist

Hope this helps, let us know how you get on.