New and nervous

[Mima11]

From the outside looking in I am successful, happy, intelligent etc. From the inside looking out I am in a constant state of panic, doubting, scared, sad - so incredibly sad, angry and frightened - all of the time. My heart races, my palms sweat, I lash out for no reason, I find myself with tears on my cheeks.

Today I am taking action. I have walked in this dark cloud for way to long. I am going to see my GP and I am scared beyond belief. I don't know why I am so scared - that she won't believe me? That she will laugh and say c'mon look at your life.... I know it will take every ounce of courage to walk into her office and say..."I think I am suffering severe anxiety and depression and I need help". Reading everything here on Beyond Blue has given me the confidence to make the appointment, to make me realise that what I think is normal - is actually not. So - here's to the collective courage of those who have gone before me and the hope that is at the other side.

[Cornstarch]

Welcome to the human race Mima11 with open arms would you like a cup of tea?

It sucks being human doesn't it. I still can't accept it. I look at my sisters dog and I think, I'm coming in the kennel with you tonight and pretending I am one of your kind for the next 8 hours, humanity is just too much some days.

You are still successful and no doubt very loveable too.

I hate anxiety. It's the pits. Your GP has heard it all. Seen it all. Nothing will shock them. Your biggest enemy is yourself right now and you're just having a little blip in your nervous system. Hormones can do crazy things if you are the female kind. I always always always always always feel a panic attack coming on around ovulation. I have had it so many times I just shrug it off now and it doesn't escalate beyond a "Oh not again. I know who you are". It took me hundreds.

Guess what? Doctors get these sorts of things too.........Shhhh.....social status doesn't de-humanise you either. There's no immunity. Damn it.

You can tell as many or as little amount of people as you want. Just tell your GP if that suits your profession and personal self. Don't feel any pressure to jump on the passionate cause bandwagon and become an advocate. The reality is you still have to keep turning up to that job and deal with all the politics that comes with it. Yuck. Politics. And politics at the top of organisation's I reckon would be extremely lonely so you are doing amazing job. Ahhhmazing.

Do what's right for you, and if at all possible be kind to yourself.

Good luck Mima11

Corny

[Doolhof]

Hi Mima11,

How did you get on at the Drs.? Hope the appointment went well for you. Just in case you don't think the Dr. was supportive enough, you do have the right to see a different Dr.

Your Dr. will not be able to conquer all of your concerns and issues in the one appointment. Hopefully you now have a plan that will include different ways to tackle your anxiety and depression.

Reading up on my mental health issues and other ailments helps me to better understand the issue and provides me with opportunities to improve my health.

There are many threads here on anxiety and depression, and a lot of helpful resources as well.

How we look and present ourselves to others does not always represent how we feel on the inside. Apparently some of the best comedians suffer from depression and other mental health issues. Many famous people have mental health concerns.

Sometimes taking small steps or even just standing still is what is needed before you can take a huge leap to total recovery.

Cheers for now from Mrs. Dools

[Cornstarch]

Now you're just being cocky about your success.

Bloody hell Mima11 you've already got a pal for my nephew and he is waiting for me on that deserted island I keep threatening to escape to! Successful and efficient.

Don't personalise the impersonal that may just be hormonal rage, just get a cage for when you need it. I ought to be caged at least 3 days of the month. It can have a double purpose. One for us girls and secondly if the politics of your organisation is untenable at times because the Head-chef is a twit, throw her/him in there and go hang with the four legged buddy in the picture.

Ciao for now brown cow.