New and confused!

[Fliptheswitch]

Hi all,
Recently been diagnosed with depression. Finding it difficult to first accept and then deal with the wave of emotions and also the constant feeling of anxiety that seems to have come along for the ride. I’m in my 40’s and it’s the first time in my life I have felt not in control. My gp assures me that this will take time and medication and therapy will help. I have a great partner for support but am finding it difficult to find the words to let others who are close to me know what is going on. Hoping someone might have had a similar experience and can shed some light. Thanks

[therising]

Hi Fliptheswitch

I feel for you so deeply as you face the incredible challenges that come with depression. One of those challenges can definitely be about leading people to relate to what you're going through.

Of course, it's far easier to manage in hindsight. Looking back at my years in depression, I believe I would have managed the people around me differently to what I did. Typically, with depression, there'll be a mixture of people around us - the ones that don't believe in depression, the one's that can somewhat relate and the ones that relate completely. With that last one, they tend to be the people who've experienced it for themself. I believe, knowing who and what to look out for can help make a difference.

The people who refuse to relate will often hold unhelpful and even depressing advice such as 'You just need to get on with life. You're too sensitive, you need to toughen up. You just need to stop thinking so much (without a solid plan to achieve this)'. The list goes on.

The people who can somewhat relate can make great efforts to make a difference to you, yet they may not quite understand why you don't feel the difference. To them, it's logic that you should feel a difference, as most people would. Possibly the most helpful advice from someone in this category is 'I'm not sure how to make a difference to you. We need to find someone to help us all manage this, to manage raising you to find a difference'.

The people who can deeply relate may say the difference you need has to be mind altering. It also has to be so great that it alters your chemistry and your feelings. People in this category can relate to the highly significant impact of an ongoing or chronic lack of feeling happiness, energy, clear direction, self esteem and so on.

Some people will hold the ability to bring you down further, some will help you manage not to go further down but can't actually raise you out and some will raise you. Be careful to identify who you're dealing with. Trust your feelings. If you feel brought down, question what that person has said. For example, if someone says 'You're too sensitive, you need to toughen up' and that brings you down, it's because it's a depressing comment. Being sensitive actually gives you the ability to sense a depressing comment when you hear one. Believe me when I say you want to be gaining a sense for the kind of inspiration that works for you. Remember, everyone's different. You'll know what works when you feel it.

🙂

[mocha delight]

Hi fliptheswitch I’m 32, started on antidepressants prescribed by my gp first and then roughly 3 months later I started going to see a psychologist (gp gave me a choice to start on a antidepressants first to see how I go on them, see a psychologist or both but I went with the first option ie the antidepressants first) but not yet been officially diagnosed with anything yet just a couple of mental health conditions she has casually mentioned that I have plus one casually ruled out. But if you ever need to chat I’m hear for you and a good listener to.

[Fliptheswitch]

Thanks for taking the time to reply and for the good advice 🙂

[Fliptheswitch]

Thanks for replying mocha delight. I too have been offered a similar path to follow. It’s comforting to know that there are people to chat with. I’m interested to know how you have found the psychologist? As I’m a little anxious to take the next step.

[mocha delight]

Yeah seeing a psychologist has been good and I especially like how sometimes we talk about heavy subjects, sometimes just random lite subjects and sometimes a bit of both. And first appointment she asked me about what brought me to wanting to seek help/what I needed help with/family history/thoughts/feelings ect ect ect so in other words a get to know me kind of thing. I learned from my own experience is to that you should ask your gp to give you a list of them in case the first one you call is not taking on new clients as that happened to me but I found the one I’m seeing on my own and it actually might be hard to get into see one because of covid 19 or might have a bit of a wait before getting in. Also you need to find one that gels with you but if it’s not the first one then it’s definitely well worth to keep going until you find one you gel with in my opinion. I was lucky to find a psychologist I gel with the first go but from what I’ve read on here that doesn’t happen not often at all so some see a few before finding the right type of mental health professional.