Never thought I would be here

whitelilies · ‎05-09-2019

Hi,

I am Amy. I moved to Australia 12 years ago. I lost my Mum in March this year and have been struggling since. Well, I was probably struggling the 5 years she was sick but now that she is gone, I am probably worse. I have been to a few counselling sessions and while it has helped with the grief quite a bit, not sure if it helps with my depression. I am married but there is always the feeling that my husband doesn't get what I feel, because he is not an immigrant and he never lost anyone close to him. And I just feel really lonely, as my Mum was my best friend whom I talked to all the time. I wish I can find a support group who experienced similar thing, but it is not easy. I did ring AGCB for support group but apparently the group was full and so was the waiting list. I am an active member of a church but surprisingly it did not give me much support either. So maybe I hope I can feel connected here?

Thanks for listening to my rant.

smallwolf · ‎05-09-2019

Hi,

welcome to beyond blue.

Sorry to read about the loss of your mother. Words cannot express what you must have gone through.I am sure it is also frustrating that you do not appear to get the support you want from your husband (?) OR from your church. I am not sure what church you belong to, yet I would have hoped for more than that or expected something more. One thing I can tell you is that you will be able to chat (via the forum) to others - either here, or in their threads, or if you wanted to check out the social section. You will also be accepted as you are, not judged by other users, and there is always room for one more person. I hope you will feel connected here.

I put the question mark after husband above because you said you have a feeling your husband does not get it. That might be the case - some people have difficulty understanding mental health issues. I am guessing that you have spoken with him about how you feel, and you did not get the understanding you were looking for? It may also be a case that his upbringing taught him to act in a certain way in this sort of situation? I don't know.

Can I ask you about the loneliness? Is it the lack of support from those around you?Abandoned? It is a part of grief. And maybe if you share some more of your story....

Peace and comforting thoughts,

Tim

paddyanne · ‎05-09-2019

Hey whitelilies. Losing your mum and best friend must've been raw pain. I'm so sorry for this grief and hurt you're carrying. I lost my mum 20 years ago. She lived in N.Z, I've been here 30 years. My ex was similar to yours in that he didn't understand because his parents were still alive. No two people feel grief the same, even twins experience different grieving. I'm really sorry the church didn't support you, having said that though, may I add I'm not that surprised either. I was involved with a church when my mum passed and I didn't get much support either. I was actually told to 'give my pain to the cross'. Are you still in contact with people who knew your family, if you are, maybe think about contacting them to talk about mum, your growing up years, the things you miss the most etc. Talking to people who knew your family, would help you get through this dark period. With me, I was in contact with my mother's family, cousins etc. This was tremendous in helping me accept her passing. Even a neighbor would be helpful as they would've known you, her and anyone else involved with you and mum. Please keep in touch here as these forums are amazing for the ongoing support they offer. You're not alone.

JimmyRecard347 · ‎06-09-2019

Hi Amy

Oh jeez that sux! I can't imagine how hard it may be for you, but I can relate with the loneliness. I'm new on here also and seeking to... I guess just feel connected.

Have you tried art also? I found with my problems when they were at their worst, painting, or drawing, or even writing, seemed to kind of allow me to have troubling thoughts, but they wouldn't affect me as much. It probably sounds weird, but it was and still is a great coping mechanism for me, hopefully it could help you a little.