My mind is getting bad again and its getting too hard to stop it

[NatMeerkat]

Hey,

So I just found out my boyfriend of 3 years had a relationship with another woman for 3 months and when i confronted him about it he cried and cried begging me not to leave him (caught him talking to other girls before too and also hides his phone from me and gets angry when i touch it) I have no other friends than him and he's also living with me I can't and don't want to leave him but I'm just so hurt. We planned to move out together the middle of next year but I don't know if i can anymore because i just feel so betrayed but i love him... i just can't bloody figure it out.

3 years ago I started to have panic attacks and get really sad all the time that i stopped eating, slept all the time and all my friends left me because i wasn't fun to be around anymore, so after talking with the school councillor she thinks I have anxiety and depression. I went home and told my mum that i would like to go talk to someone because i'm wasn't able to deal with my thoughts and its getting really hard and she said its a waste of money to go talk to someone. So 2020 happened and its a bit too much now. Going to work i second guess myself over everything and i can't serve customers cause talking makes me panic and my heart races just walking up to them. I want to go see someone now that I'm 18 but i can't call someone to make an appointment because i end up giving myself a panic attack stressing about them asking me questions i haven't already thought of answers to and i just can't.

I have a history of self harm and i'm trying so hard not to go back there but everyday it gets harder and harder not to chose that.

I'm just very lost at the moment and stuck in a rut that i can't seem to get out of.

[quirkywords]

Natmeerkat,

Welcome to the forum and thanks for making your first post which can be hard.

You have so many issues to deal with and now wonder you feel lost and struggling at times.

Some people like your mum can find it hard that others may need help by talking to a trained person who can listen and suggest strategies that will help. There are health care plans.

Headspace is an organistaion for young people as free online support.

Headspace. For ages 12-25. They have clinics that are free as well as free online support.

headspace.org.au/eheadspace/

I understand that making an appointment makes you anxious, I wonder would you be able to phone and talk to a trained support person at beyond Blue on 1300224636. This service offers support advice action. The service is used to people being anxious. There is also a chat line online where yo type and dont have to talk, It is available from 3pm to midnight. If you go to the right hand corner of this page you will see it.

You have made a first step by writing here and maybe by writing your post you can see things a bit differently.

I so sad when the person you trusted the most lets you down.

I can see you are trying hard to help yourself. Have you see this site

https://au.reachout.com/articles/self-help-for-self-harm

It has strategies to help you.

I am interested in how you are going, so if you feel up to post as often as you like.

Quirky